I don't think I like being angry. I think I must like being sad though.

This room is dark. It doesn't have windows. The walls seem endless. They are black. Black, no lighting, locked door, the key; where you can see it but just out of reach. Black. Do you remember when it was open? It was bright out that day. But then an elastic snapped you back in, into the all engulfing black. Slammed the door. Makes you angry, doesn't it? But he shouted at you. When people shout the isolation sets in and you're all alone. Back in the room. Sort yourself out girl, sort yourself out. How do you expect others to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? Nobody can save you. You have to do it. But how can you unlock the door if the key is out of reach? Maybe that's a defeatist attitude. Don't let him shout at you. You know you're right. You know you do the best you can. There's no problem here. But you've gone and done it again, haven't you. Got locked in the dark place. Time is nothing here. Negatives reign supreme and positives are forgotten. Don't forget it, your future is ahead of you. It can hardly be behind. Remember to do whatever you want, so long as what you want gives you a nice car and plenty of cash for foreign holidays and huge mortgages. If that's not what you want then you will fail. And, don't forget; failure results in misery. So what you want you can't have. Oh yes, you know what you want, but don't worry. The feeling will pass. You won't want it anymore. So if you can't have what you want and you can't achieve the secondary, where then? Sort yourself out, girl. Sort yourself out. Grab the key and unlock the door. Black. Yes, it's black. What do you mean you can't see? The walls are endless and all there is is thought. Thought alone. But don't, whatever you do, don't think too much. That would make you insane. Of course, don't lay the blame on yourself, I should have realised, you never think of anybody but yourself. You never consider other's feelings. You're such a bad person. Do you want to sit next to me on the bus? I have a present for you. Laughing. Laughing. Laughing. Ugly, oh yes! That too. Laughing. Sort yourself out, girl. Sort yourself out. Knock yourself out. Have some reflective surgery. Do what you want, as long as it's this. You've gotta push your way to the front, do your work, do my work, forget about your own feelings and think of someone else's for a change, go where you want to go, go here, don't do this, even if you want to. But the key is getting further away. But they keep telling you to get it. Sort yourself out, girl. Sort yourself out. Don't cry, don't get angry, don't be sad. We're happy happy happy. You are too. Get a grip. Wake up. Know what you want to do and do it. Oh no, you can't do that. No brains, no looks, no talent. No, you can't do that. Just for fun we'll add some pressure. And the void gets wider, the hole grows deeper. Sink or swim. Live or die. Survive. Don't act too intelligent, they won't like you. Don't be too different, that's not normal. Be orthodox, be run-of-the-mill, be chaotic, in an orderly sort of way. Listen to authority figures. They know more about the country than you. Ignore the facts and your better judgement, you won't get anywhere in life that way. Fall into the agentic state. Become a sacrifice.
Don't tell anyone that you feel bad, because you're from a nice family with good parents and you know they love you very much. So you're not allowed to cry. You're not allowed to get upset. You're too lucky, too fortunate. You know what I mean, don't you? Your problems are nothing compared to mine. Sort yourself out, girl. Sort yourself out. The void will fill up eventually. Or you'll forget about it.

Why don't you just shut up?

wanna go back?