Todays sermon my friends is one about god. Our father has talked alot of shit... he talks and talks, yet we don't see anyhting. His son was sent to aid us, what haoppened to this man? He got a wood fetish. and so was cursed to be eternally tied to two 4x4's.
Unfortunatly one of us took him down and put him in a stone cave...why? because mark, matt, and luke lost a bet to a jew.
And so many years passed...
with anthrax scares..
planes...wars in iraq..a manhunt for binladen
and 40 something presidents
We must ask ourselves, where was god in all these times of need?
ill tell you where my children...
right above us...
whacking off to the spice channe....
an.d so in his absence and guidance we became this, my people, we became this breed of humans that likes to shit and shit and shit and shit and shit and shit and shit, and i'm not talking about actual fecal matter. We just grab our cell phones and go talk shit about our brothers and sisters.
we like to eat just a little bit of everything, to make sure we have more to throw away
HALLELUJAH
we starve those in africa, eating at macdonalds
AMEN
we suppress others in asian countries
I HEAR YE FATHA!!!
and make them, make shoes in sweat shops,and where's god?
UNPRAISE THE LORD
god is in the shower, wheres god?
god is on the phone, wheres god?
OH MY
god is checking his email, where's god?
he's at the knicks game
EWWWW THE KNICKS....
so why my children do we follow him?
ill tell ya why
TELL ME FATHA
because we are all sheep
ENLIGHTEN ME!!
each and every one of you is an iditot. You there, women stand before the light of the lord
yes fatha
tell me, when was the last time you masturbated
fatha i would neva
now child do not lie in the house of our god
the last time was at the beginning of your speech fatha
i used
a vibrator
GASP!!
see?
you there sir, whens the last time you went to the mall with your wife without having sex on your mind?
never fatha......, its just her ass, it keeps going, boom shaka shaka laka....
you there child
uhoh
when's the last time you stole?
*holds up fathas car keys
right now fatha
and you there, havbe you ever disrespected your parents?
yes fatha
see??? If god was really there he would have smitten each and everyone of you. you child would have had your hands cut off, you there man, your balls would be sliced by paper then cleaned with vinager and salt. you woem, you would lose that sweet sweet sweet ass of yours....mmmhmmm...and no more sex, your vaginal cave would be shrunk so no evil device could ever penetrate its sanctity. do you see people??? we give our prayers and what does he do ? jack shit
so brothers..
sisters...
niggz....
sigh... I tell you ....FUCK.....BURP...LIE....BE GREEDY ...SIN, SIN, SIN, SIN! FUCK GOD! and most of all....fuck each other as much as humanly possible
AMEN
AMEN
Church is over get the fuck out, there's a strip club renting this place starting from 3, its a weekly thing.
( girl and mother ) look mommy i found a plastic twinkie!, Honey wheres the cream filling?!*girl whips off chin
( son and dad ) hey dad lets go home and jack off your stash of porn I found, Okay son ( hugs son )
( preacher )sigh this church is like a piece of me, now you there come and be smitten by the holy rod...yes yes you dirty whore....right on the bible