Dear all,
I have just got wind of the following security alert. Ireland and the United Kingdom are particularly at risk...
Over the festive period Police are warning all men who frequently visit clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer." The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs".
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered. And sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.
Remember, Stay vigilant, stay safe and have a very merry Crimbo...
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey nodded his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
The monkey nodded his head.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey nodded.
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
The monkey nodded his head.
"What else?"
The monkey made an "O" with the thumb and forefinger of his left hand, and thrust his right fore-finger into it.
"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
The monkey nodded.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they crashed?"
The monkey nodded.
"What were you doing during all this?"
The monkey put up his fists at the 10 and 2 o'clock positions, looked over his right shoulder while making a circular motion with his raised hands.
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatsoever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally managed to speak.
"Oh great!" said the beginner in a disgusted tone, "NOW you tell me."
Ulrika was caught playing with her mobile the other day, but it wasn't the first Ericsson to be found in her knickers
The battery in Ulrika's mobile ran out, it was said it wasn't the only knackered Ericsson
Did you hear they are making a new Excorsist film? Apparantly the woman has to summon the devil to take the priest out of the child
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so ma'am. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good ma'am, but personally, I prefer golf."
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, Ma'am, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, Ma'am."
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One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it slices into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across a little guy with a huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun, and I will grant you three wishes." The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself: "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money (so he'll never have to go without a pint of ale), a great golf game, and a great sex life."
A few weeks later the Irishman is out golfing again. As he's walking to the 16th green, he hears a voice calling him from the woods. He walks over, and sees the leprechaun again. The golfer asks how the leprechaun's head is feeling.
The leprechaun says, "Oh, I'm fine; and might I ask how your golf game is?" The golfer says, "It's funny you should ask, but it's been amazing. It seems I can't miss any more!"
"I did that for you," responds the leprechaun. "And might I ask how your money is holding out?" "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a twenty Euro note," he replied.
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you, too. And might I ask how your love life is?" Now the golfer looks around, as if to be sure that no one else can hear, and says in a low voice, "Well, it's been okay." "Just okay?" the leprechaun asks. "How often do you have sex?" "Oh, maybe once or twice a week." Floored the leprechaun stammers, "Only once or twice a week?" The golfer replies: "Well, that's really quite a lot for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
****************************
Police are warning all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
A date-rape drug on the market called "Beer" is being used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him to go home for some no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers," and will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages
A Manchester van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Liverpool fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud 'THUMP' and then he would swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest 'where are you going, Father?' 'I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road' replied the priest. 'No problem Father! I'll give you a lift! Climb in!'.
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Scouser walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the b******.
However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting shite, he still heard a loud 'THUD.' Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said 'I'm sorry Father, I almost hit the Liverpool fan.' 'That's okay' my son, replied the priest. 'I got the f***** with the door!'