Disclaimer: I don't own any of the character…

Author's Note: This is a sad story. Yeah, it's P/J, but a sad one and a one part story. I hope you like it. Tell me what you think…any comment is welcome, even critics, as long as it doesn't hurt badly =) !! It's an Asian song and I'm sorry but I forget the title. I think it's "Endless Rain", and yeah, you've guessed that, I forget the singer too!! I'm so sorry, but anyway, it's in English, so don't worry.

Props: For Kilby the Great!! Thanks for bearing with me!!

Joey Potter stands weakly with her head lowered. She wears a black dress and for the first time since her mother's death, she comes to a funeral. She can feels the tears behind her eyes, the tears that want to break free. She stares to the sky, which is grey and cloudy, matching her feelings at time. The rain poures down on her, hard, as if the sky is also crying too. She never really likes rain. But she accepts this rain, because this one is like the pain she feels, like the tears she can't shed.

She looks up at the others. Her face is a careful mask of disdain. Her pain is so strong. She looks at Dawson, her best friend, who stands across her, his visage is pained, his tears are evident through the rain. His parents stand stiffly, their own sadness evident. Jen stands not far away from him. Tears run freely down her beautiful face, ruining all the light make up she has put in her effort to make herself look better. Grams hugs Jen tightly, as if wanting to cover her from all the sadness that's surrounding her, while she keeps following the prayer the priest says. Joey's eyes shift to another place, and she sees Mr and Mrs. Witter, standing closely with the coffin. Mrs. Witter looks so fragile, so brokenhearted that she needs to be supported by two church women. Mr. Witter looks completely different from his usual appereance. He looks so lost and so broken up. His body is trembling and Joey can see that he cries. Doug stands close to his parents, with stony face that somehow reveals his own sadness to. Near him are his sisters, all with their families, looking just as miserable as the others. Shifting her gaze to the coffin again, she feels that her tears now have dripped, flowing freely on her cheeks. She feels Bessie's arm tighten around her and she can hears her cry.

Joey watches with a vice of ice-cold fear gripping her fiery soul. The priest has finished saying the prayer and now the coffin is slowly lowered to the grave. She closes her eyes. When she opens them once more, she sees the others are dropping flowers into the grave, beautiful wild flowers. But those flowers look so limp, pale, unfresh and gloom in comparison to those Pacey often bought for her. He always loved wild flowers than roses which he once recalled as too cliché. "I love wild flowers. They match your character, wild but so beautiful," he had said with his enchanting smile when she asked him why he always brought her wild flowers.

But now the earth claims him, as each shoveful of soil falls upon those flowers. She sees now that Mrs. Witter now crying as if she is insane. She cries out loud as she watches her youngest son slowly burried in the soil. Joey also sees both Mr. Witter and Doug cry and then shift their gaze from the coffin, as if they can not bear the view. Dawson is crying hard in Gail's embrace and Jen in her gram's. She feels herself want to explode, how she wants to cry outloud just like anybody else, to show how sad, how hurt she is. But she can't. She feels something holding the emotion back, that she can only manage to cry softly.

She sits back quietly, watching the others as they talk about the past. She gazes at his picture in black frame, those days she has taken for granted. She gazes at his humorous and lively face, his devilish and sparkling eyes, his cocky grin. She gazes at the face whose eyes are like saying "I'm gonna live forever!".

She gazes at his picture. The person who always cheered her up, who always shone her days. She remembers they way he joked, the way they insulted each other, the tenderness of his face when he said that he loved her. Unconciously, a tear rolls down from her eyes.

She remembers the way they made love. He was her first; not Dawson, but him. She remembers how he always held her tightly after they made love, how he told her continously how much he loved her. 'But I never told him what he needed to hear,' she thinks sadly, as more tears flow.

If I had told him…if only…would he has stayed? Could that prevent him from going to Boston? Could he be still alive? If I had told him…could that gave him strength when he was dying? Strength to survive?

She had just arranged her stuff in her dorm when the news came. Pacey had been hit by a truck. It was only his second week in Boston when he lost his life at the hand of a criminal who was trying to get away from the police. The criminal, a murderer who had killed his whole family, was arrested. Now they are waiting for a punishment to be given to him, and Mr. Witter gives all he could to give the murderer a maximum punishment. He is hoping to persuade the judge to give the murderer a death penalty or to make him imprisoned all his life.

She got to the hospital in Boston as soon as she got the news. She found the Witter family in destructive condition in the waiting room. Mrs. Witter took her to see his dead body. His body had been cleaned from all the blood that previously was all over him. He looked so peaceful, as if he were only sleeping. Despite some bruises, his face looked like a little boy's face. That time, she didn't want to accept the fact that he was gone. She stroked his hair softly, spoke to him, told him to wake up, even insulted him, hoping that somehow he would open his eyes, telling her that he was okay, that he hadn't died, that he was too indestructable to be dead at such young age.

But of course, he didn't. The only answer of her effort was silence, and the fact that he was dead, that he would never be alive again.

She finds her way from cemetary to Pacey's house, ignoring Bessie who insists that she should take a rest. That was ridiculous advice. How could she sleep in a condition like this?

As the Witters let her in, she makes her way to Pacey's room. Closing the door behind her, she picks one of his clothes from a box, the clothes that were supposed to be sent to him on the day of the accident. Closing her eyes, she inhales his scent deeply, and imagining that she were in his embrace. Warm and safe. But when she opens her eyes, he isn't there. Instead, she is standing in the middle of his empty room.

Looking at his tidy bed, she feels upset. His bed shouldn't be this tidy. His room shouldn't be this tidy. It isn't like him, it's not his style to be this tidy. She reaches the bed and messes it up, until she loses her breath, and she cries and cries and cries. She cries until she's exhausted, until she comes to a realization that no matter how hard she tries, she will never see those green pools of his sparkling eyes and his teasing smile again. She has lost one of the most priceless things in her life.

Slowly, she relaxes in his bed. She put her head on his pillow, drinking the smell of him, making it easier to pretend. Holding his shirt tightly, she slowly falls asleep.

Joey walks slowly in the cemetary, towards a grave she would remember forever in her life. It's raining, just like the day when Pacey was burried. It's cloudy, grey, and gloomy. Joey shivers and tightening her jacket.

She remembers the night of Pacey's burrial, when she walked back to the cemetary. She approached Dawson and Jen in her way to the cemetary. Apparently they were heading to her house, trying to comfort her. They still had the puffy eyes and red cheeks and noses. She could tell that they were just as miserable as she was.

After talking a little, they agreed to go with her to the cemetary. Jen was sniffing and Dawson continously talked about Pacey, making Joey wanted to cry again. But she wasn't until she stood in front of his grave. Suddenly, she lost all her realization. After a few minutes of silence, Joey finally spoke.

"Give me shovel, Dawson," she said in a flat voice.

"What?" Dawson couldn't believe his ears. "What are you…"

"Just give me the shovel, Dawson!! I want to see him! I want him back!!".

"Joey, come on! He's dead, Joey…" Dawson said in pleading tone.

"Dammit, are you deaf, Dawson?? I said give me the shovel! I need to see him!" she yells.

"Joey, please…" Jen says in trembling voice. "Please accept the fact, Joey…he's gone…"

"DON'T YOU DARE TO SAY THAT, YOU BITCH!! GIVE ME THE SHOVEL!!" she was practically screaming now.

"No, Jo. I won't give any shovel to you. He is dead, Jo" Dawson was trying hard to keep his calmness.

Joey sobbed loudly, the knelt on the ground, and digged the soil up with bare hands just like a crazy girl. She was crying, hard, and she could hear Jen was crying too, because of sad and also scared of her friend's action. Joey felt Dawson trying to hold her back.

"Let go of me, Dawson!! If you don't want to give me the shovel, I'll dig it up with my bare hands!!", she struggle in his hands.

Dawson tightened his grip. He spun her so she faced him. "DAMMIT!! Look at me, Joey!! LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT JEN!! Do you think in this whole world, it's only you that miss him? That grieve for him?? How about me? How about Jen? We are his best friends too! How about his parents?? Do you think they do not grieve for him?"

Joey didn't say anything. All her answer were loud and angry sobs. Jen came closer, hugged her softly despite her struggle. "Don't do this, Joey. Don't do this to us. Don't make us any sadder than this…"

In her anger, Joey knocked her down. "You don't understand!! You don't understand! I'm feeling guilty! I was so selfish!! He said many kind things to me, he said he loved me more and more, but I'd never told him what he needed, what he longed to hear!! Inever told him that I LOVED HIM TOO!!"

"Joey, stop fighting me!!" Dawson yelled helplessly. But Joey ignored him. She was still trying to get away from him.

Jen stood slowly after being knocked by Joey. "He knew, Joey," she said. Her voice soft but deep, making Joey turned to her. "He knew you loved him," she said between her tears. "That's why he never stopped loving you".

"How come you say that, Jen?? How did he know that I love him if I NEVER told him so??" she sobs.

"Without you telling him he knew you loved him, Jo," Dawson says. "He felt it with his heart. Don't worry, he forgave you a long time ago".

Joey slumped in his arms. She didn't have any energy to fight again. She was too tired, physically and emotionally. What Jen and Dawson had said echoed in her head. An image of Pacey suddenly appeared in he mind, and then she passed out.

The next afternoon Mr. Witter gave her a letter. It was Pacey's. "It's Pacey's letter, Josephine," Mr. Witter said. "I think it's for you. I got it when I looked through Pacey's belongings that have been sent home this afternoon".

"Mr. Witter…"

"I haven't read it, Josephine. I'm sure that he doesn't want anyone read this letter other than you".

"Thank you, Mr. Witter. I really appreciate it".

There was a short silence. "You know, Josephine," he said. Joey looked up to him. "I'm such a bastard, aren't I?". Joey noticed there were tears on his eyes. "I'm his father, but I never gave him any affection, any love that a father should give to his son. I tortured him, making his life like hell, making him believe that he wasn't worth anything. But now…now when I have lost him, I feel horrible. I am so sorry that I will give anything to have him back again, to start this father and son relationship all over again. Why couldn't I feel it when he was still alive? Why do I have to feel it now, when I don't have any chance to apologize to him?" he choked.

Joey saw the tears rolls down his cheek. She felt bad for him, very very bad because she knew the pain he was experiencing was like the pain she was feeling too. Joey wanted to say something, anything to comfort this old man. She felt a deep sympathy ran in her towards the man she used to hate. But she couldn't say anything. She was completely in a loss of words. She chocked softly and feels her own tears welled on her eyes.

"Thank you, Josephine," he said finally, wiping his tears. Joey was surprise. What for did he thank her?. "Thank you for loving him, for giving him comfort, companionship… for giving him a feeling of safety, for supporting him in any condition…thank you for shining his life, for doing all the things that we as his family weren't capable of…"

Joey felt a big lump in her neck, making it hard to swallow. "Mr. Witter…," she said hoarsely. "I don't know what to say…".

He really loved you, you know?" he said, shocking her. "I know by the way he looked at you, by his expression when someone talked about you…he was falling hopelessly in love with you, that boy," he smiled softly. "I thought it was just a silly love, but I know now that it came from his deepest heart. He loved you with all his heart…I just…I feel a bit jealous you know, he had someone to be loved so deeply like that. Josephine, I just hope that you loved him too just as much as he loved you".

"I loved him as much as he loved me, Mr. Witter," she choked. "And I still do…," she added softly.

Joey puts a bouquet of wild flowers on his grave. She notices that the grave was full of wild flowers and some roses. Apparently the Witters and maybe the Leerys with Jen and Grams came here too earlier this day. She stares at the gravestone which read:

"Hi, Jailbait," she finally manages to speak. "I'm back. Aren't you happy to see the Ice Queen again?". She never forgets Pacey's face. She remembers how since his death, everynight before sleeping, she always stares at his picture. The one she has taken from her album along with his letter which Mr. Witter gave her. "It's been five years, huh? Uh huh, like what you've wished me in your last letter, I'm now a lawyer. I'm quite successful now, thanks to you. All the things you've done for me, all the words you've said to me, really spurred me to be the best lawyer".

She stares at the grave in front of her. She feels as if Pacey is there, right in front of her, listening to her, staring to her. All the emotion she has held back behind now come all over her as she reliving her memories of him. "But it was not just the same without you, Pace. I couldn't celebrate my success with you. What about all of your promises, Pace? All of my promises? You said that if I succeed in being a lawyer, you would take me on a road trip, didn't you? You would take me wherever I wanted to go. Then we would celebrate it by having dinner together. You said you would propose me when you graduate from BU. You said…you said…" she chokes back her words. She falls on her knees. Her tears start to flow as the first raindrops start to drip.

"I look horrible, don't I?" she says in the rain. "I know I can't live like this, but I really truly miss you, Pace. I'm…I'm so sorry, more than anything, for not telling you that I loved you too. I think I've got the lesson from that, Pace…You know, um, I have a fiancee now. Yeah, I met him at court. Typical, eh? I know". She can almost picture him, saying that words, laughing and insulting her. "Yeah, I know what you want to say. Yeah, it's me, the Ice Queen have a fiancee". She can pictures him shaking his head and apologize, telling her to continue her story.

"His name is Lachlan MacBridge. He is quite handsome, smart, patient and funny. He proposed me three days ago, and that's why I came here today…" she strokes the gravestone lovingly. "But he isn't you, Pace…he's not anything close to you…he never was and he never will be…I will always love you more than anything…Dawson told me one day that you knew about it…you are very special to me, Pacey, more than anything, even the most expensive and glorious jewelry. You are…you are my best friend…and my true love. Nothing will ever change that, I promise…"

Suddenly, she feels as if she's looking a calaidoscope. A calaidoscope with Pacey's faces in it. All of his expressions mixing in it. She can sees he is laughing, smiling, crying, angry. She sees his loving expression, his tender expression, his dejected expression. She sees a lively face with sparkling green eyes, a light scar on his cheek, smiling smugly to her. It then becomes too much for her.

Standing slowly, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture. It is a picture of her and Pacey, taken when they went to the beach together after they graduated. Pacey only wear shorts, without wearing shirt, peeking playfully behind his lowered sunglasses. The picture really exposes his perfect body, one thing Joey loves about this picture. One of his arms were wrapped around her waist and she was laughing at something. It's one of her favourite pictures and it's the one she always kept since his death.

"D'ya remember this picture, Pace? Sadly, this my only picture of you and I beside the one I have in my purse. It's the one taken when we went to the last prom. You ask where are the other pictures? Well, they were burnt up along with my house three years ago…". She stares at their happy faces in the picture intensely then sighing.

She caresses his face in the picture. "Guess I don't need it again, hm? Ican remember your face without this picture. And without the other picture in my purse too. Because you'll forever be in my heart… warm and safe…I swear, Pace…". With that words, she tears the picture into pieces, letting them being blown away by the wind. Her tears lost in the rain. "It's a symbol for me, Pace, that I won't be grieving for you again…but I'll treasure the picture in my purse, because it's a symbol of our love…of my true and never ending love to you…"

"Joey?" a voice calls her from behind.

Joey turns around without doing any effort to wipe the tears away. Behind her, she sees Lachlan waiting for her. Rain water dripping from his dark hair, his glassy blue eyes are staring intently at her. 'He is handsome…but he is not Pacey…Pacey was gone a long time ago,' she thinks. Lachlan seems to noticing her tears, then walks towards her.

"Joey, I've been looking for you. God, you are all wet! Come on, let's go to my car, or you'll get sick!" he says. Joey is silent. She still stares at the grave. Lachlan notices this.

"Pacey Witter. Who is he, Jo?"

Joey shivers. She looks at his eyes, deciding what to say. After some moment, she finally says, "he was a friend of mine".

Joey feels Lachlan eyes her suspiciously. "He was my best friend, Lach," Joey says softly. "He was my best confidate beside Dawson. He was a best friend that means the whole world for me".

Lachlan doesn't know what to do, whether to take her to his car straight away, or just let her stands ther in front of a grave in the pouring rain. But he sees the sadness and pain drawn clearly on her beautiful face, and realizing that this is a grave of her best friend that mean so much to her, he decides to let her stay. He stands by her, his eyes scanning the grave.

"Go to the car now, Lach," Joey says quietly. Lachlan stares at her, confuse. "I'll catch up with you soon. Please, I need to be alone here for a few more moments. And I want the car to be warm when I get there. I'm freezing here".

"Joey, I'll wait for you. Okay, let me just move away a little so you can get privacy. I won't let you alone in a cemetary, especially in the weather like this". Joey stares at him with a grateful gaze. One of Lachlan characters that reminds her of Pacey.

After she has her privacy, she stares back at the grave. She doesn't do anything, or say anything. She just stands there, enjoying the silence around them. The rain has stop and the sun slowly appears between the grey clouds. A few moments later, she turns around. Walking towards Lachlan, she gives the last glance at the grave which is covered by wild flowers, and whispers softly, "I love you, Pacey, forever," with a voice that's full of emotion, love and sadness.

Then, with Lachlan by her side, she walks away from the cemetary, facing her future. And as she walks, she sees a ghostly image of Pacey's face, high there in the sky, staring at her with undescribable look of love and smiling sweetly, one of those expressions, Joey will never forget for her entire life.