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Conventional wisdom tells us that pop finally ate itself circa 1994. For as long as I have been able to read, the staff of the NME have been writing indie-kid porn about how the pop music business is headed for a swift and long-overdue decline. And has that happened? No. However much the moral majority (read: cooler-than-thou music nerds of the world) dislike manufactured music, it is here to stay. The aural equivalent of a fast-food meal, in fact: quick, cheap and mass-produced: providing instant satsfaction but leaving a greater hunger unfulfilled. Consumers lap them up for the same reasons - with no thought or effort required, the very similarity of every burger/single is reassuring - and however much wo profess to dislike it, nobody is infalliable. Even the most hardcore vegans probably demanded Happy Meal toys aged six; and everyone has seen a few minutes of 'Who Wants To Be A One-Hit Wonder?'-type programming, even if they were just channel flicking after a drunken night out and pissing themselves laughing at the contestants. And when you think about it, the proliferation of identikit bands isn't necessarily a bad thing. As someone far wittier than myself once said, 'I have no problem with Pop Idol. I'm all for youth employment schemes'. One small factor has been forgotten in the rush to be the first at pop's funeral. If there is no mainstream, what will happen to so-called 'alternative' culture? As the name suggests, 'alternative' implies being different to the homogenised masses, and if the homogenised masses suddenly develop the power of independent thought, well.... society as we know it would collapse. The Queen will give us the finger instead of the royal wave. Housewives would drink absinthe instead of milky tea. Newsreaders would appear on TV in bondage gear. Warehouse will start selling Comme-des-Garcons-esque 'conceptual' clothing, rather than reassuringly unattractive polyester things. Perhaps this version of events is a liiiiiittle exaggerated, but you can see my point. Pop culture is better off where we can keep our eyes on it, as ugly as that view may be, Years of contempt and derision have driven many pop-bitches underground, leading to a fast-growing genre of 'serious' music that just-so-happens to be pop. Jamie Cullum, Joss Stone, even critics' darling Amy Winehouse: jazz pop. 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Ja Rule: pop-hop (Notice the way these tough pimp gangstas happily roll over and play the bitch when the man from MTV comes calling with his chequebook). Foo Fighters or the Strokes: pop-rock. This type of music allows fans to build an entire catalogue of inoffensive listening material, able to claim to 'like all kinds of music, really' without ever really getting involved in any one genre - except the one which is stamped through their CDs like something in a stick of Blackpool rock. Just come out of the pop closet, little one: we won't laugh. I'm not criticising people for listening to this music - it's your own eardrums you're damaging - just people who try to pretend it is anything more than pop music with a better publicist. I just can't stand the way every Neptunes-produced (though I have nothing against the Neptunes, and Pharrel is the hottest thing to have ever hidden behind a mixing desk) crooner in a vintage t-shirt and low-rise jeans is passed off as a 'proper' singer, their fans telling me how they write their own lyrics as if it matters* - all to try to soothe the burning shame of being a closet karaoke kid. |
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