It's amazing how such a small selection of words can be endlessly adapted to fit almost any purpose. Take, for example, the word 'fuck'. Enduringly popular, it is probably the most commonly used swear word of all, and has hundreds of mutations. I was once told that it was the best word in the English language, because it is so infinitely adaptable. Fuck me (literal or abstract), fuck you, fuck off; fucker, fuckhead, fuckwit; fucked up, fucked over, all fucked out. These are only a tiny fraction of its uses, and it has even more as an alternative to the word 'very' (fucking cold, fucking brilliant, fucking stupid, etc etc), and can give emphasis to anything; the addition of the prefix 'mother-' opens up a whole new world of incest-tastic insults. It can even breathe new life into old expressions: fucksticks (from 'fiddlesticks'), fucking Nora (from 'blinking Nora'), fucking hell (from 'bloody hell', once considered so offensive it was blanked out in books, now seen as rather quaint). There's no expression that can't be improved with a few choice swearwords. Consider the plight of the local vicar, trying to save the souls of his parishoners on a very small budget. Next time he's handing around the collection plate, he should try: 'Now I want all of you cocksuckers to give fucking generously, cause this shithole of a church needs a new fucking roof': that should grab the attention, and get the grannies at the back checking their hearing aids. Or how about the Queen? She could boost interest in her Christmas speech by opening with 'This year was both excellent and shite in parts'. In fact, I must say that 'shite' is probably my second-favourite word. The addition of a single letter makes all the difference, somehow. 'Shit' is a little flat and Teutonic, like the name of a bad Finnish swingers' resort; but stick an E on the end, and somehow it's all so much better. It practically resonates with promise. It's a swear word you can really get into: fake an accent, possibly even involve a few little hand actions, really let rip. It's a swearword with a heart. Nobody has ever been mortally offended by the word 'shite' - it's not strong enough to signify hatred, and not precise enough to be critical. People who say 'shite' are aware of this. Even the word itself conjours up an image of a cantankerous but cheerful drunk, propped up on a barstool somewhere in rural Scotland, gesturing wildly with his untipped cigarette as he rants to anybody who will listen about his team's shameful performance in the final. It's the liguistic equivalent of the tart with a heart.