Everyone's heard people deride mothers who lost their children to adoption by saying this. The truth is, these mothers are mothers and that is not dependent on whether they have raised their child. There is no reason to disrespect them by using the "Birth" or "Biological" terms, utilized by the adoption industry. Instead, use the term "mother" or "natural mother".
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/Why_Birthmother_Means_Breeder.html
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"Birth" v. "Natural" and "Real"
(From adoption literature)
PURELY AMERICAN: LAWS, LIES AND LOVE, Dr. D. William Troxler, Capital College, 2000
"The giver is called the birth mother or biological mother or natural mother. These terms cloud the fact that a mother who 'gave up' her child was authoritatively deceived at a vulnerable moment by her entire support system and the professionals who were supposed to serve her."
PSYCHOLOGY OF THE ADOPTED CHILD, Clothier. F. MD. 1943
"The child who is placed with adoptive parents at or soon after birth misses the mutual and deeply satisfying mother and child relationship. The roots of which lie deep in the area of personality where the psychological and physiological are merged. Both for the child and the natural mother, that period is part of the biological sequence, and it is to be doubted whether the relationship of the child to it's post partum mother, in its subtler effects, can be replaced by even the best of substitute mothers."
PARENTS CHILDREN AND ADOPTION, A Handbook for Adoption Workers (1966), Jane Rowe
"To parents who desperately need to be loved, the fact that the child had other parents is a constant threat. They fear the child will love them less if he hears of his adoption, that he might even try to seek his natural mother."
". . . adopters do not much like going to the maternity home for the baby. Their acute awareness of the natural mother��s pain spoils the pleasure of the day to which they have looked forward for so long."
"If he interviews a natural mother who is obviously confused and uncertain about her decision it may be more appropriate to refer her to a colleague for casework help."
DEATH BY ADOPTION, Joss Shawyer, Cicada Press (1979)
"It is a curious phenomenon that the demanders can believe that the natural mothers are being selfish in denying them a child. By considering that they are entitled to a child they are also proving the mothers right not to hand over the child. If they are entitled then she must be even more entitled..."
"Babies and the natural mothers bond quite naturally as long as the process is not obstructed . . . Anyone else caring for and handling the children can be only a mother substitute and it is farcical to expect the identical relationship to exist with a stranger. A stranger can accept the baby, show it affection and so in time receive affection from the baby, but the relationship is quite different."
"Even if the law did work for the natural mother, she won't find a lawyer who will take her case and battle for her right to get the baby back. They all feel 'sorry' for the adoptive parents, and angry with her for upsetting the social order."
"But no matter how difficult society makes the lives of single mothers who refuse to relinquish their children, those women who gave into the pressures suffer in a way the others will (mercifully) never know. For the saddest and most horrifying aspect of adoption is the amount of emotional damage inflicted upon the natural mother. To call her the 'birth mother' instead of the 'natural mother' allows her only the physical birth and denies her those feelings she wasn't supposed to have. By implication this makes the adoptive parents unnatural, but secret adoption cannot be considered natural when the real mother, the victim of this hit and run, is left battered shocked and damaged. Nothing could be more unnatural."
PRIMAL WOUND, Nancy Newton Verrier, 1991
"It makes no sense to me that we take babies away from mothers who have no financial resources, and then pay someone else (foster parents) to take care of them. Why not pay the real mother?"
FANTASIES AND BEHAVIOUR OF THE ADOPTED CHILD, Marshall D. Schechter. M.D., Beverly Hills California. (1960)
"Schechter, goes on to say. The striking thing in most cases was that the feature of their adoptive status played a significant role in the underlying dynamics of the problem. He observed in many of his case studies on adopted children symptoms relating to such things as fantasies and "acting out" regarding the real parents, i.e. their appearance, their names and killing and murder especially toward their real mother."
DISABILITIES IN ADOPTED CHILDREN AND ADOPTIVE PARENTS, Dr. Povl W. Toussieng. M.D., 1962
"He [ Toussieng] points out that on reaching adulthood some children become obsessed with finding their real mother because they had revealed a feeling of never having been really attached to their adoptive family and never had the feeling of real belonging."
