The Patchwork
Life
There is a place we reach where
our spirit and soul whispers, "This is where I am meant to be."
There is a calling, a place of designed purpose. For some the path to There follows a linear progression, a series of expected singular events that flows logically into a pattern. For others it comes about through a succession of patchwork experiences. My calling, the fulfillment of my design is not just ONE thing, a life of linear progression bringing me to one end. It is a patchwork, a series of events and desires sharing strong common threads. Throughout my life I've had different burning desires to do some things and to do them well. I learn as much as I can on the subject because I have strong innate desires to learn, know, understand and analyze, and then I move on to new challenging experiences. There was a time when I desired certain jobs and pursued them until I had them. There was a time I desired a soul mate -got married (the first time) - missed the true fulfillment of knowing a soul mate, but gained two beautiful daughters. There was a time when I desired children, and after many tries and three failed pregnancies, my two daughters arrived. There was a time when my burning passion led me to be a good mother, to care and nurture, to create good memories and be creative in the giving of life. There was a time when I desired to be a good wife - even to the abusive man I married (first marriage) - believing that goodness would be a positive influence bringing healing and health to a tortured soul. My passion and desire burned bright until the flames in that marriage were arrested into burning coals, eventually dying into a black coldness. The fire was extinguished, and I was almost lost. There was a time when I desired to be the best single parent that I could possibly be to my daughters. The goal for There, became love and survival. It was a difficult and exacting time, but with God's help the goal was met. Four years as a single parent and the embers for a soul mate began to flare up once again. This time the desire was satisfied with my soul mate (my Irish husband), and thus ended the single parent struggle. I entered a life that looked a little more like the linear progression that I assumed all my other friends had. Then came the burning desires to be a good soul mate, friend, lover, wife, parent and stepparent. Was that enough? Did I say, "Okay, now I'm here! I've arrived! It is enough. I have reached my intended goal." Well, yes and no. New desires began to burn. As children left the home to pursue their own flames of desire, my time was free to give undivided attention to writing. Through all those years of living, in pursuing every flaming desire, I gained a measure of success and fulfillment, and became satisfied, learning that contentment is often in the small accomplishments of life. Underneath the external actions and accomplishments was the strong undercurrent of writing and counseling. They have been my true There, my ONE BIG desire. Throughout the previous years the desires of writing and counseling have been shooting up flames of remembrance saying, "You are not There yet, but you will be There. Writing and counseling have been my linear desires, the strong threads to which I keep returning, or perhaps, never left. On the way to that goal - the goals of writing and counseling - much learning and fine-tuning occurred. I've made full use of the resources I've had, as I've had them. I've followed the flames of desire as I've gone along, all the time becoming aware that what I was designed to do was, read, write, learn, understand, know, exercise what I know, learn to let it benefit others, to research and analyze, and express my observations of life. What I've learned is, life can be a patchwork, a list of desires fulfilled, experiences sought and enjoyed, and a list of events and accomplishments. Who says I must lament over the loss of the failed linear life, the lack of the Cleaver lifestyle? My life has been a patchwork of events and experiences honing a few good skills. For some life may look like a mess, but when pieced together it becomes a beautiful quilt, one to be admired. Don't lament too long over the loss of the linear life. Remember that God is able to work all things together for good, even for the good of your soul, its expression and life.