| La Cartasis |
| The water looks like it mirrors the trees perfectly. I�d look down at my reflection, but then those two guys behind me would notice. Then they�d yell to stop staring and keep steering. Maybe I should explain a little. Yeah these two thugs abducted me, along with three of my friends. They call each other �Mike� and �Tyler�. At a football game they shoved us in the back of a van. Then they drove us up here to Minnesota. They stole two canoes and supplies from an outfitter in Ely. Now we�re all spread between the two of them. Yeah I think Mike is in charge, maybe even a brother of Tyler�s. He seems to know more about what�s going on than Mike does. Since Brad, Jeff, and Amy have never canoed before, Mike decided I should steer one. He would steer the other. Tyler is at the front of his canoe. Amy is in between. Brad volunteered to paddle first. He�s in front and Jeff is sitting between us. Right now he�s going crazy trying to get a fly to go away. It brings a half smile to my lips, but I can�t smile entirely right now, I�m too frightened. It�s taken a while, but I think Brad is getting the hang of paddling now. Something else is on my mind. It bugs me that they aren�t split between the two canoes. I guess they figure the gun Tyler has at his feet is enough to keep us under control. I hear the loons we pass get annoyed by us. I guess Brad�s occasion splashing is louder than they�d like. Also I doubt that they ever have maybe canoeers around here this time of the year. Even though the water around here is always cold, there�s a chill in the air itself. I wouldn�t be surprised if when we wake up tomorrow there was frost on the ground. That is if all of us are going to be waking up tomorrow morning. Other than the loons, it�s quiet except for our splashing paddles. Suddenly that silence is rudely broken. Mike calls out, �Beach the canoe at the portage on the right.� I steer that way. The canoe hits the sandy landing. Brad climbs out, balancing on the scattered rocks by the edge that stick out of the water. He pulls the canoe closer to shore so Jeff and I don�t have to get our feet soaked. We get out and I pick up the pack that was in the middle of the canoe. �I�ll take the pack, you two can take the canoe itself,� I say to Jeff and Brad. �Can you handle the weight?� Jeff asked. He and Brad were always looking out for me. I guess telling them about my freshman year makes them worry about me. �You could just take the paddles or something, Meredith, don�t wear yourself out.� Truthfully I wanted to slack off, but I wasn�t going to make them take it all. �No, I�ll go ahead and take the pack, it�s not as heavy as what I used to carry on my family canoe trips. Besides, it�s easier to carry something on your back, rather than carry it in your hands. �What are we going to do with the paddles then?� Jeff wondered as he and Brad worked to get the canoe out of the water. I answered that after they�d gotten it out of the water. I wedge them into the bottom of the canoe. �Ah, I see now.� On the other side our captors were already packed up and ready to go. Amy had on a somewhat small pack. Tyler has the larger one, with the gun ready. Mike was getting ready to shoulder the canoe. �What are you waiting for? Hurry up! Lead the way.� He barks out orders. I pause and then head out. Brad and Jeff each have picked up an end. I lead the way down the path. Being in front I can almost pretend that everything is fine, that it�s another vacation up here. I look around. There seems to be an absence of all little forms of life. There are no little birds; not even their voices are heard. They might keep out of sight usually, but there shouldn�t be this eerie silence. The portage is over quick. I�m already down at the landing on the other side before too long. Ben and John put the canoe down. The quiet is killing me as I put the pack in and strap it back down. Trying to be cheerful I say to Brad, �At least you don�t have to paddle for a while.� My attempt to try and lift his spirits seems to have sunk them even further. Jeff�s trying too. �Yay! I always wanted to really canoe.� He did an even worse job than I did. Ben seems in the depths of despair. Gee what is wrong with him... He�s so, so� I can�t figure out the right word. Gone. That�s it. The happy, funny Brad is gone and he�s no longer alive it seems. It�s almost as if Tyler put the gun up to his head and pulled the trigger already. As we paddle of, Jeff gets the rhythm faster than Brad did. Brad�s sitting in the middle now, on the pack. It seems as if he�s staring strait into the sun, like he doesn�t care. He�s scaring me so much I�m starting to cry and lose the beat and mess up my stroke. Brad didn�t notice, but Jeff sure did. He turned around at first looking pissed off. In a moment he sees that I�m crying and can guess the reason why. He lightens up and turns back around as I clear my eyes. We go on. We settle into a nice little pattern as we travel along. We paddle to the next portage. We carry everything like we did at the first one. Jeff and Brad switch places. All of this is in nearly complete silence. We�ve been doing this all day. It�s mid-afternoon now. �Go to the campsite on the island to the left.� Tyler gives the order this time. Again we beach the canoe and get ourselves and the pack out. We climb up to the fire area. This time Brad grabs the pack. Jeff and I then decide to bring the canoe up a little further than it is. Then it hopefully won�t get washed away in the middle of the night. We climb up there to join Brad. I glance over my shoulder. I notice that Mike and Matt are doing the same thing that we did. They then each pick up a pack and herd Amy up here too. �Yeah, so we�re on an island. The only way off of it is our canoes. Just to make sure you don�t get any ideas, Tyler and I are guarding them at all times. Make a fire. Here.� He threw a book of matches at me. I miraculously actually caught them. Silently all of us �captives� gather what we need in order to make a fire. Jeff seems to know how to build one of them quite well and all of us just let him do it. I hand him the book of matches. He manages to light the fire with the first one. We all are impressed, well at least those of us that aren�t entirely apathetic about life right now. Mike tells us also to cook up the bag of food that�s on the top of the food pack, the largest of them that traveled that day in Mike�s canoe. Amy and I take care of it. In silence. This silence is killing me, choking me up. Even the jokes of Tyler and Mike don�t break it in my mind. The silence emanating from him is overwhelming everything else. I realize he hasn�t said a single word since we were on the water this morning. Amy is doing the actual cooking though. I�m just feeding the fire. I look over at John. He�s talking toBrad, but it's a one-sided conversation. I wonder what�s up with him and what�s wrong. It bugs me too much and as I stare over there, I put a stick into the fire and forget to let go. The flames travel down it and lick at my fingers. I pull away as soon as I notice it. It�s didn�t get a chance to really hurt. It was just sort of a sensation, not pain. A couple of black spots on my hand are what I see. Soot is on my skin I guess. I use a little spit and it wipes right off and it�s impossible to tell that anything had happened. I hope Brad didn�t notice. Or Jeff even, but he isn�t as worried as Brad seems now. Brad is almost obsessive about worrying about me starting to hurt myself again. No matter how many times I tell him, he doesn�t believe me that I�ve truly stopped. It was such a long time ago that I did that. He won�t believe that I�ve stopped and that kind of behavior is something I won�t ever do again. It bothers me sometimes that he won�t accept it. Jeff can�t seem to reach him. Well that really doesn�t matter right now. Survival does, both literally and mentally. Surviving in the desolate Northern woods. With our captors. I�m really scared of why they took us all they way out here. What are they planning that they had to take us this far away from everyone and everything that is civilization? Amy wakes me from my reverie, �Here get some cold water to make up the juice in this.� She hands me a coffeepot. I walk down to the water�s edge. The water is very clear and yet still makes a nice reflection. I get a chance now to look at mine. As I look, it scares me. My eyes have this dead look in them. I look so worn down. I have to splash this scary picture away with the pot. I put the pot in and ruin it while I fill it up. It freaked me out so much because it felt like I might not be looking at a reflection but at Ben. I have the same look to myself as he does. I�m almost trembling but I�m not quite shaking. I turn around and almost jump backward. Mike is standing there, in front of me on the path back up to the fire. He has no gun but still scares me and I start to really tremble. �What are you doing?� I stutter and choke out, �I-I-I wa-was getting some wa-water for dinner.� He grabs me and I drop the pot. The water spills out all over. I�m shaking so bad not that I wouldn�t be standing up if he wasn�t holding me up. �Don�t do that again, don�t leave me sight until I tell you to. Right now I really want you so bad.� He pulls me close and tries to kiss me. I try to turn away but his grip is too strong. He does it. After what seemed like forever he finally let me go. I fall down and my shoulder is jabbed by the pot as I land. I roll over and pick it up and fill it up again, not even really looking at anything. Everything is a blur. I climb up the path behind him. I ignore my throbbing shoulder. Why bother caring about it anyway? I can�t do anything about it. I�m more worried about what happened before I fell. I�m so scared and terrified of Mike now. Amy doesn�t even ask me why I took so long. Everyone had seen Mike go down the path and heard at least muffled yelling. I want to cry but I�m still in shock and too shaken even to cry. I know if I fall asleep it can only be after I cry for a very long time. She already has the food out on six plates, with six cups waiting for me. I mix in the powder to the water I brought and pour it into them. Silently, Amy hands a plate to everyone and I hand out a cup of the nasty, sickly sweet to me, orange flavored drink. It�s not really juice but oh well. It�s not silent now as Mike and Tyler start to argue over some sports team. At least that�s what I think they�re arguing over. Still Brad isn�t talking. Jeff seems to have given up on trying to get him to. He just sits really close to Amy, and they laugh and joke around as best as they can in this situation. I sit somewhat close to Brad. Even though the gap is less than a couple feet, it feels like it might as well be miles. I notice I�m not the only one who�s pretending to be eating, putting on a show for everyone else. Brad is too. Jeff and Amy keep talking. Little things, unimportant matters, and they eat as if they�re famished. It makes me even less hungry, if that�s even possible. I don�t have any appetite now. I hand Jeff my plate and tell him to finish it. I walk off down a path I assume is the one to the latrine. I know Mike will be getting mad at me but I don�t care about it right about now. Besides it�s kind of dark and the woods are a free escape. There�s no freezing water cornering me, keeping me from getting away as long as I�m careful. I hear someone get up from the fire and start to follow the path behind me. I don�t even pause to see who it is. It doesn�t matter who it is. I just want to be alone at the moment. I just start to run off down the path. Yeah, this is the path to the latrine I notice as I run past it. I keep going, being almost tripped up by the brush but I keep pressing on. That is until I realize I�m trapped. I�m running down a little peninsula. I run almost all the way to the edge and am practically in the water when I turn around to face the person who followed me here. I cringe as I think about whom it�s likely to be, who I think it is. When I turn around I�m so surprised as I stare at Brad face to face. I can�t help it. All the walls fall down and I cry like I�ve never cried before, or at least in a very long time. I feel him hold me. The touch, it feels so far away and yet close. His hold is soft and gentle, yet firm. Safety and security eventually overcome the fear and doubt in my mind. I stop crying. �It�s going to be all right, don�t worry anymore.� I hear these words and go into shock. Their nature and meaning aren�t as strange as the fact that it�s Brad, and he�s talking again after so long, it seems like ages. Also I wonder how it is that he decided to talk to me. I wonder why. I don�t understand him. When I told him about my past he was flattered by it. Then a week later we went and saw a movie together. I had to call it all off before it could even start. I wasn�t comfortable that he knew my secret of the past. It was just too weird. I didn't think i could focus in marching band because I would see him. It was way too much for me at the time. Deep down I just wanted to wait for later when things wouldn�t be so complicated. I felt really bad about it. I knew that it had to have hurt him a lot. Yet later on I found that he thought he was the one who�d hurt me. I had wanted to try it all again, once the season was over. He didn�t because he didn�t want to hurt me and he thought he was a big jerk and asshole. I didn�t really see how I could change his mind and let it drop� I�m snapped back into reality from reverie. �YOU!� One little word that Mike calls out and yet I shake and shiver and look up, behind Brad. He�s there. �Let her go or else.� Brad does and slowly moves to the side. I look into Mike�s eyes for a second. I can�t help myself. What is in there is more terrifying than the darkness in my own could ever be. I�m not really thinking. I keep backing up, away from those blue eyes. My feet go into the water. I feel the cold shoot up my legs. Then without any conscious thought I turn around and dive right into the dark cold water. �Come back!� �Don�t do it.� �I�ll kill you I�m getting out my gun right now!� The voices really don�t register, or I at least I don�t want to hear them. They don�t affect me. I just keep swimming to the shore. Weird as it seems, there�s this faint light I�m seeing and I steer to it. �You think you�ve escaped? Tomorrow I�ll come and get you both! It won�t be pretty. Better hope that you die from the cold first.� Mike�s voice and I actually recognize it as being his. Both, I think. Hmm� I pause for a moment. I figure that I�m out of firing range or maybe Mike doesn�t have his gun ready yet. I turn around. �Brad!� I choke it out of my frozen throat somehow. It�s almost inaudible to myself. I doubt he could have heard it. At least I�m pretty sure it�s Brad. The shouts that I comprehend seem to be about a gun, and I don�t think Mike would swim with his gun. I doubt he could shoot in water like this. It�s almost impossible to swim. I�m not a very good swimmer and I now begin to wonder if this was a good idea. I don�t think I�ll get to shore. My limbs are ice now and seem ready to fall off. I really can�t move very much at all anymore. I�m trying to keep going forward, but now I realize that like this I won�t be able to make it. The shore is not very far away. I can see it. But my mind is freezing up like my fingers and toes. I lose sense of what is happening in the real world� |
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