| What She Doesn't Know Kathryn Valmont Rating: PG13 She got what she deserved. Maybe if I tell myself that enough times I'll believe it. Listen to me. She did deserve it. If you knew all the things she had ever done to everyone you would say I went easy on her. If I really believed I was doing the right thing would I secretly watch her as she sleeps? Maybe it's because she's part of the bad life I miss. That's what I do every night. I watch her sleep and as she stirs awake I leave. She'll never know. She'll never know I lived and am as miserable as she is. I should be happy. I'm with Annette every day. We live together. I do love her. I just don't love her the way I love Kathryn. She doesn't understand me like Kathryn does or did. Kathryn thinks I'm dead. Someday she'll know. Someday she'll know that all her tears were for nothing because I am alive. The point was to get even and then go back to my life. Somehow things got out of hand. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened in my life. I watch her every day. I watch as she puts flowers on my grave thinking I hate her. I watch as the tears come. I also watch her lips quaver. She did learn her lesson. I got the last laugh. In the end it was me who won. She thinks I hate her for everything she did. The truth is I really should. I really should, but I don't. I suppose the ice queen has feelings. A long time ago she said crying was a sign of weakness. I watch her now as she leans over my grave. She is crying once again. It happens often. I really should be happy to see her in pain. I really ought to be happy that I got the last laugh, or did I? Am I in just in pain as much as she is? I really miss the life I had. I remember a time two years ago. FLASHBACK: Me: care to make a wager on that? Kathryn: I'll think about it. End of flash back She has just left my grave. There are flowers on it. There is also a letter on it. I read it and it brings a small smile to my face. She says all the things I always wanted to hear her say. Now she won't because she doesn't know and even if she did she would hate me. I sit there for a few moments. My life is truly fucked up without her. How I sometimes wish I never made that bet. My life is so lonely and boring without her. Now I am dragged to charity after charity and I never get the chance to ruin someone. I know, I am truly a fucked up person. I decided tonight is the night. Tonight is the night I tell Kathryn that I am really alive. It's been three years of lies. I can't take it anymore. I watch as Annette's sleep soundly. She'll never know. She'll never know that everytime I sleep it's Kathryn who enters my head and not her. She'll never know that I love Kathryn more than I am capable of loving her. I hear the phone ring. I also hear Kathryn answer it in a tired voice. "Kathryn, I'm alive." With that I hang up. I know she knows it was me. She'd know my voice anywhere as I would hers. I also know this will create unecessary pain but I can't take this life. Somehow I know she'll find me and when she does she'll know. She'll know everything. Most importantly she'll know that I don't hate her because I love her. I am ready. I am ready for her to know what she doesn't know. The End |