| Real Me Kathryn Valmont Rated: PG13 Who am I now? I'm nothing but a person who is scorned upon. Sebastian would be laughing if he were here. Even that would be better than him being gone. I sat in my room packing my bags. My mother entered. "Well we are off to the caribean, I hope you are sorry for all those fucked up things you've done," said Victoria with arrogance in her voice. "I learned from the hugest bitch herself," I said. She pretended not to of heard me. Who cared if my feelings were in controle anymore? "Do that mother! That's what you're good at! You're responsible for all my mistakes anyways!" I finished packing all my things. I'm so tired of trying. I guess now I need to find out who I really am! "Are you sure this plan is really going to work," I asked. "It has to! It's perfect, Sebastian you're just not thinking," said Annette. "So everyone got a copy of my journal? Fuck! When she finds out that I am alive she is going to be more vicious than ever," I said. "Let me talk to her." 'Let me talk to her?' Yeah Kathryn's really going to be thrilled with that idea. 'By the way I am so sorry I ruined the thing most important to you, your reputation but would it be okay if we had a chat?' God knows what she'd do. I bet Kathryn's already planning an attack. "I don't think that's such a good idea." "Why not? I know you love the girl! Come on I wrote that article just so you could make that bet with her," said Annette. "Yeah it was a brilliant plan! But Kathryn, really getting to her would take a miracle! I am in love with her! What is fucking wrong with me," I asked. She smiled a little. "You're in love with her. I mean the girl's so paronoid that she had to videotape our every move," she said. To some people it seemed like Annette was another conquest of mine when in real reality Kathryn was. We were desperate! We had paid Ronald to pretend he was mad at me. You see I played Kathryn at her own game. And I am winning. The game isn't over. Even she knows that. Something tells me when she finds out I am alive she is going to beat the living fuck out of me. Oh well. I had to start over. "What you did was wrong," said Blain. "I fucking know that! God I am sorry," I said. Blain nodded his head. "Those are real tears aren't they," asked Blain. "Yeah," I said. "Okay. I think I might be able to help you," said Blain. "What are you going to do," I asked. "I have contacts in Viatnam," said Blain. "Okay! They do have showers and shit?" "Uh i'm not so sure- ofcourse they have showers. Where you'll be living is the classy part anyways," said Blain. "Your my only friend in the world." "Let's keep it that way." That night he let me sleep on his couch. I cried myself to sleep thinking about Sebastian. It was all my fault. Why did he have to choose Annette over me? He will never find anyone as good as a match as me. I'm one of a kind. God knows it. Maybe I do hav a concious after all. "Blain I know she's here! Where the hell is she," I de,manded for the mother fucking tenth time. "Come in. And no I did not tell her your plan! Um- you're probably going to kill me forthis but-" "But what," I demanded. This whole plan was a mother fucking mistake. I should have ust told KAthryn how I felt in the beggining instead of calling my half sister Annette to help with this. See, my dad never knew about her because my whore of a mother decided to have a relationship with her most lovely father. Fuck this! I didn't ask for this. "Uh how do I say this. Staying here in Manhatten was too much for her. She booked out of town," said Blain. I felt myself go crazy. Would this crazy cycle ever end? No, ofcourse not. This is Kathryn we're talking about. Vietnam, was okay. No one knew who I really was. I even had a disguise. I died myself as a blonde. The sunny attitude became permanent. That was the outside. Inside I was screaming for release. The only person who could do that was Sebastian and now he's dead. Dead! Each day is harder than the last. We were partners in crime. I am accepted here as I was back home until my reputation was sabotaged. Sebastian got his revenge and now all I am is a wrecked soul, a girl who never got what she wanted and never will. What the point? My life means absoulutely nothing. Then I hear a voice I would know anywhere. It can't be. "I don't speak your fucked up language!!!!!!!!" I laughed a little. This was funny. He was making hand gestures to them which they didn't understand either. Well they understood the last one. "Mother fucker!" "I'm lookin for Kathryn." Kathryn laughed from where she sat. This was rather entertaining. They vitnamese shared weird looks. Finally Sebastian gave them the finger one more time before stomping away. "God fuck!" The plane train ride from the vietnamese airport to this city had been such a bitch! I swear! "Where is route two," I asked. Finally some American wo,man who could translate came to us. She had her head down. It was blonde. I felt as if I knew her. She finally looked up. I gasped. She was in the right place at the right moment. "So you never died," she asked. Her tone was lifeless like she didn't care one way or the other. I had never seen lie her. "What are you hear for? To write the sequel to cruel intentions?" She looked as if sh was on the verge of tears. What had I done? She had broken down t this. She wasn't the girl I had once known and fallen in love with. She wasn't herself. "No," I said. "It doesn't matter one way or the other. You ruined me! You don't think you had enough so you came back to hurt me more? Just leave me alone," she said. Just leave her alone? "I never died," I said. "Obviously," she replied. Usually she would have been yelling at me at home and threatning to do whatever she could hold over me. Now it was like she just didn't give a damn. I was truely sorry. He's changed a little bit. Not too much. He's still the handsome man I fell in love with, the man I will always be in love with. But he's still got that smirk the voice that goes from sarcasm to bordem and then to whatever he feels like it. He had always been a charmer. That's why he had fucked almost every girl at Manchester. It was needless to say that the teachers weren't exactly impressed with him. I wasn't even going to try to mask my feelings with him. I felt hurt by what he had done to me by his diary but it was my fault. I deserved it. I paid for it and now it's over. I wanted to die. A tear spilled down my cheek. "Just leave! The score was settled! You won! Is that what you want to hear? I really don't care what you want to hear! I just want you to leave me alone." And I did want him to leave me alone so I could forget that in every sense of the word there would never be a better man for me. He was made for me. He nodded his head. "There is no revenge here." "I don't believe you," I said. "You don't have to. I just wanted to see you but now I'll go since you obviously don't want me here," he said. "Sebastian? Tell me everything." Meeting I sighed deeply. Where did I start? How I really met Annette? How Kathryn was the conquest? How I played Kathryn at her own game and won her? "Uh Annette and I were never really together," I said. "What the hell are you talking about? You were in love with her," said Kathryn. "U don't fall in love with your own siblings, well blood relatives anyways," I said. "She was your sister? How come I never knew about her?" "She was my mother's child and was raised by her father." "Why did you do it," she asked. "Do what," I asked. "Why the hell did you go to such great lengths to do this," asked Kathryn. She had a look of anger in her eyes. "You ruined me! You made it so no one could even look at me!" "I had to do it to prove a point," I shouted. I knew Kathryn and I could go in circles for hours but whether she liked ior not she was going to hear me out. "A point? Even I wouldn't go that far," she said. I scoffed. "Well not anymore," she said. At the time it had seen like a really great idea but now I see how wrong I was. "You took everything I spent my whole life working for and trashed it. I had to deal with our parents acting like it was the end of the world. So tell me what was your motive," she asked. She asked for the check in vietnamese. "Uh Annette and I planned the bet behind your back. We even payed the players," I said. I jst knew she was going to love this. "What are you talking about," she asked. I knew she would probably lose it now. She put on her shades. It was probably to cover her feelings. "Uh Ronald, Cecille, Blain, Annette, Court, and trevor were all in on this," I said. "What!" She had everyone's attention in the restaurant.Although though they couldn't undestand a word she was saying. I nodded my head. "The bet was a lie. Annette never really loved me. II never really loved her. It was part of the plan." I could tell that Kathryn was understanding it now. "Motherfucker!" He played me at my own game and he won. He won. He didn't break the one rule. And it wasn't sad. He was still the sam. He wasn't conned by love. Wow I thought I had everyone but it turned out they were all playing along with Sebatian. I was such a fool. "I can't believe you'd go so far just to get me in bed," I said with disgust. "Wow you usually woud be excited. And I would do anything just to bed you," he said Sebastian. I rolled my eyes. "Well believe it or not i'm ingaged to the vietnamn mayor's son," I said. As usual you couldn't really tell what he was feeling. Did it even matter what the hell he was feeling? Who knows? "Wow sis! The mayor's son? Are you going to invite me to the wedding," asked Sebastian. Christ, does he know when to quit? No. "And have my wedding ruined? Ofcourse I'm not inviting you," I replied. Married? How could this be? What did I think, that we would just throw insults at eachother and flirt without ever being in a serious relationship with anyone? One of us had to cut the cycle. It might as well have been her. Married. And the guy wasn't me. How I wish he was. But maybe it was for the best. Maybe I should leave her alone. I guess she isn't the only one who has changed. "Well congratulations," I said. "Thankyou." "Well i'm going home to new york." I turned to leave. "Sebastian?" "Yeah?" "Could yo not tell anyone where I am?" "I won't even tell them I saw you." I was serious. Gone. Sebastian was gone. Maybe for good this time. The only person who could possibly bring the real me back is gone. It was good to see him even though I wanted to kill him for what had he done. But it was my fault. Did I honestly think he'd stay. What would happen? We were relationship poison.That shit didn't work out for us. It wasn't suppose to. I am sufficating. Putting blonde hair and acting like i'm mother Theresa doesn't change who Iam on the inside. I watched Sebastian leave. I wanted tostop him.But what could I say. We didn't believe inlove, but I was in love with him. "Are you okay," asked Blain. All my acomplices were in Blain's livingroom. "Ofcourse I'm not okay," I shouted at my sister. "Why did you come back here? Why did you give it all up," asked Blain. "She wanted me to leave and so I did. She's not the same person. She's not herself. I think we did more than just destroy her reputation," I said. "What the fuck are we suppose to do now," asked Ronald. "I don't know. Right now my parents are arriving from the airport. They will have the shock of their lives when they're loving son joins them for dinner. I drove home. The servants looked as me as if they had seen a ghost. I ordered them to make my favorite dinner. I stayed behind. I cried myself to sleep. Maybe I should return to New York. Sure people will talk but they won't really say anything to me because if they read Sebastian's journal they know not to cross me. I turned to my side. No, New York wasn't for me. I would just be treated like a common slut there, where as the women here look up to me as if I am God. I walked out onto my balcony. I did something I haven't done since I was a little girl. I looked up at the stars as if they held all the answers. "If there is a God a sign that I meant to return to New York is that during my wedding Sabastian will interupt it and save me. The Parental' s had at first stared at me with complete shock. "Missed me," I asked. Victoria amediately regained her composure. How convienant. "Yes it good to see you too," I said sarcastically. "Do you have any idea how much damage controle had to be done because you played dead," asked Victoria. "For God's sake," I said. "We will not sit here and be insulted here by you children. I have had enough of your coniving ways," said Victoria. "Would you please just say what you're going to say instead of getting into it," I asked. "We are suing you for the disgrace of this family." "Mother fucker!" "You apologize to her amediately," demanded my father. "Hell no!" I drove off in my jag. I went to Blain's house. "So they kicked you out? Wow my couch is becoming quite popular for the hellions," said Blain. I fell asleep thinking of Kathryn. Here Again "What are you going to do about it Valmont? You can't just tell her not to get married," said Blain. Gee, you think? If that would have worked I would have done it a long time ago. It' not like you can really walk up to Kathryn and tell her to do anything. If she wants to do something she'll do it. If she doesn't good luck. "Kathryn isn't exactly one to do as someone tells her to," said Blain. I barely heard him. I was already rushing out the door to catch the first plain to Vietnam. I just hoped I wasn't to fucking late. I had never asked God for one thing in my life! "Just don't let her get married," I whispered to myself. What would I do if I arrived to find out she was on her honeymoon? I tried not to think about that. NEXT DAY: My wedding would happen in two weeks. Would he show? And if he did what would happen with us? Sebastian and I are not exactly relationship material. Relationship poison would be a better way to describe it. In the end it was our similarities that crashed. Could we even survive? Who cared about that? Right now my biggest worry should be to learn how to cook since Vietnamese women help their servants. I had rarely lifted a finger my whole life. Well if things got that bad I could always kill myself. One servant lifted a veil over my head. I looked at myself. I looked good. I had never imagined marriage because I had never been in love. But now and days I think about it all the time. And this isn't the kind of wedding I want. I want to get secretly married. Who cares where? Then after we get marry I want to go on a trip of the world. That's not a Vietnamese 's idea of a wedding. They find it necessary to invite everyone they know. Christ! I really do hope he shows. A week later: I had finally arrived in Vietnam. I drove the drive to Kathryn's house. She has a few English-speaking servants. "Where's Kathryn," I asked. "She's making last minute decisions on her dress," said a servant. "Hmm where," I asked. "Why do you want to know," she asked. "Have you ever met her husband," I asked. "Yes, he's an upstanding man," she said. Kathryn would never be able to survive this. I knew her too well. I left without so much as a thank you. I walked into the shop she looked beautiful. I watched her. "Damn it," she said. It wasn't as if anyone could understand her any ways. If this day had one more error I'd lose it. I haven't had such a fucked up day in a long time. In one week I will be married. Can I actually go through with this? Ofcourse I can! Jerial is great and all- he is just the most boring person I met! He's rich, kind- oh who am I kidding? I am going to sufficate in that marriage. "Hey," he said. I looked up. "Sebastian," I asked. He came closer to me and gave me a big hug. "As I was coming in here they told me the bride couldn't be seen by her husband," said Sebastian. I laughed. "They're American. They probably think I am getting married to an American," I said. He nodded his head. There was this awkward silence. "Well I wish you all the luck," he said. "You came all this way just to wish me luck," I asked. "Yeah, yeah I guess I did," he said. I nodded my head. I sent the servants away so we could talk. He took a seat on a chair across from me. My plan was defeated the moment I saw her in that dress. She looked so beautiful. What was happening to me? I used to be so good at doing what I wanted to do! Look at me! I sighed. "So- good luck. I hope you're happy," I said. Why did I say that? "Yeah- I am happy," she said. I could tell by the look on her face she was lying. "You used to be a better liar," I said. "I'm not lying. You know what? I've changed!" I scoffed. "You were the one who said a person can't change!" "Well I was wrong! I changed! I'm not fucked up like you!" "You were always fucked," I screamed. "Not anymore! I am nothing like you anymore," she shouted. We were now shouting in eachother's faces. "You are everything like me. Like you said we are two of a kind," I said. "We are not two of a kind! Maybe we were! We aren't anymore! I am no longer the scheming slut who can't be satisfied," she said. I stepped back from her. "He'll never satisfy you," I said. "Oh and you will? Hmm- hmm! You are so fucked up!" Before I knew what I was doing I had grabbed her and was crushing her body to mine. Then my lips came crashing down on hers. Her hand came around my neck. I pulled away. "See? You do want me!" "Excuse me? I kissed you," she said. "No! I fucking kissed you," I screamed. Someone walked in and we quickly broke apart. Three Days before the wedding I was a nervous wreck. Last night Sebastian came over and introduced himself to my fiance as my brother. Ofcourse Jerial had been thrilled. Jerial speaks five different languages. English would be one of them. "So I got to tell you Jerial! You are one lucky man," said Sebastian. Fucking asshole! What the fuck is his problem? "Oh I know it. I am so glad you are coming to the wedding!" Sebastian looked over at me with a smile on his face. "I wouldn't miss it for the world," said Sebastian. Yeah, with the fucking scene he'd make no one would want to miss the scene for the world. "My brother and I need to talk for a second!" I dragged Sebastian into the nearby room. "What the hell are you doing," I cried. "I'm trying to get you out of this mess," he said. "This mess? This is not a mess! You are the one who is a fucked up mess! Go to hell! There is no way you are going to my wedding! You stay the hell away from me! I don't want you near me ever again!" "Fine. I hope you enjoy your life." "I will." "Really? You haven't started it and you already feel like it's a big mistake," said Sebastian. "That is not true," I lied. "Look, the revealing of the journal was to put you in your place not to destroy who you are," said Sebastian. "How do you know who I am," I asked. "Because I know you," he said. "No, you don't! He does in there!" "No he doesn't! Why are you doing this? Why? This isn't you! I can't see you sitting around all the time like those proper people. You can try Kathryn but it won't work. In the end you know you'll wish it was me," he said. He turned to leave. He's gone. Where has that thought been before? I am pretty sure he won't be back again. Well I tried. Why is it so hard to be bad now? I am trying. I used to be so good at it! Then again I used to be a lot of things. Wow I am seriously fucked up! There was only one thing I could do. I had to show up at the wedding. I had to make sure she didn't get married. What would happen? Happily ever after? Fucking love is for idiots! We'd not even be able to stand without cheating on each other. So for the first time in my life I am doing something unselfish. This isn't for me. It's for Kathryn. I am going to bring the fucking wedding down! A Fresh Start They say getting married is supposed to be a girl's happiest day. Well, it isn't for me. I wonder if he'll be there. I don't think he will. Why would he be? Maybe he'd come just so he could make fun of me in English with a straight face so no one else knows what he is doing. No one else but me. I try to remind myself that he betrayed me by showing his journal to everyone. Then I scoff at myself. Who am I to talk? I was the queen of traitors. Was would be a keyword. I was. But I miss that girl. I miss the girl who had the world fooled by her innocent act. All she had to do was smile and play nice. Christ, that seems like centuries ago when really it was only four months ago. Today I get married. I walked into the church. People gave me weird looks. I gave them the finger. They kept on looking back at me as they talked. Fucking Vietnamese people! I looked at the clock. The wedding would start in a half hour. Neither one of our lives were going to be the same either way. Blain walked in as he took a seat next to me. "What the fuck are you doing here," I asked. I wouldn't miss this if the world was ending," he said. "Yeah, it'll make the papers. My father is going to love this," I said sarcastically. Blain shook his head before laughing. Thirty minutes later: I walked down the isle to my new life. I saw flashes of my life: Me: You're just a toy Sebastian. Me: You silly rabbit, to my triumph over you Me: You would have left highschool as legion all you'll leave highschool as is a joke. I heard some people talking english. I looked to see both Blain and Sebastian sitting there. He came! What the fuck was he up to? Did I really have to ask. We were finally at the last part of this fucked up wedding. It was now or never. People gave disaproving glares as I began to walk down the isle. I took Kathryn's hands in mine. "Don't do this." "Sebastian. I am getting married to someone I love," she said. Bullshit. "You don't love him," I said. "And what? I love you?" "Yeah, I think you do," I said. "No, I don't love anyone." "Then why are you getting married today. You have nothing to prove," I said. "This isn't about proving anything. I know this may be a foreign concept to you but this isn't a contest. Leave now. I am getting married today," she said. "The fuck you are. I won't let you do this," I said. "You can't stop me," she said. Like hell I couldn't. "Oh, yes I can. Either you walk out with me willingly or else I will pick you up. Don't think for one second that I won't do it," I said. She gave me a cold stare. "Fuck you, Valmont! You are not picking me up and there is no way in hell that I am walking out with you." She could have walked out with me on her own. I screeched as he picked me up. He was running so fast that no one could have caught up with him. He threw me in the backseat before getting in the front and picking up full speed. I sat up. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Turn around," I commanded. I could see his smirk in the review mirror. "Not a chance. I told you one way or the other you were coming with me. You didn't look like you were going to walk anytime soon so I took the liberty of picking you up." I was mad now. "Take me back before I make you pay!" "You're sounding like your old self already. It's good to have you back." I climbed into the front. "I hate you," I exclaimed. "Is that the best you can do," he asked. I don't remember ever being quite this mad. I slapped him across the face. He looked momentarily surprised. He laughed. "Why'd you do it," I asked. "He couldn't make you happy. You would be trapped there. And that's something I couldn't live with." "Oh so now you have a concience? Good to know," I sarcastically. I had enough of this. I pulled the car over to the side. "Why the hell are we stopping. We're in the middle of nowhere," she said. Too bad Princess. I smirked at her. "Well," she asked in that annoyed voice. I sighed. I unbuckled my seat belt. I came over to her side. "What the fuck are you doing?" I pulled her on my lap as I brought my lips to hers. She fought me trying to push me off. I was stronger than her. She tried to hit me again. I used my hands to hold up hers. I knew she couldn't resist this forever. She didn't want to. Finally I let her hands down. They came around the back of my neck. I could hardly think of anything as her toungue crashed into mine. I slowly got on top of her. I knew where this was heading. A bet and is a bet and it looked like someone would be paying up. It was evening time. My body was still shaking after the after affects of sleeping with Sebastian. I had never had such a good fuck in my life. I couldn't turn to him or open my eyes. Because if I did I would be force to admit that he won and I lost. And that's something that I am not prepared to do yet. I sighed as I felt a warm hand caress my hair. Final I stroked her hair. I always knew she'd be good in bed. I began to slowly kiss her neck and I heard her stiffle a moan. Try to fight this, you'll never win this and you know it. I turned her around to face me and kissed her. She broke away. "We have to go back," she said. I watched the surprise look flicker across his handsome face. We did. We had to go back. It wasn't going to be easy but what in my fucked up life is? I am sick of running and hiding from my past. "Are you nuts," I cried. "Sebastian, we can't hide away forever. Look I have to face my past. I need to do this," said Kathryn. Why? Why did she want to go back? Didn't she get it? Whether she'd admit it or not she wanted me and now we could finally be together but in that world we would never be able to be together. I faced him. "Look, I need to go back. I have to face it all," I said. 4"Kathryn, everyone hates you there. If we can go forward we can be together and leave all those fucking people alone," he pleaded. I wanted to give in, I really did. I felt a smile smile crawl on my lips. "Sebastian, as long as you don't hate me I can deal with anything and anyone," I said. "I don't hate you but we're making a mistake. Why not just blow this whole thing off, marry me," he whispered in my ear. I watched her face. She was not able to mask her expressions in this scenerio. "What," she asked. "Marry me. It's not like you have a reputation to save," I said. I watched the high and mighty look on his face and I smiled cruelly. "My reputation is gone no thanks to you and that faggot journal but that's not the point. Why would I want to marry you," I asked. "Because you want me," he said. He slid to fingers into my heat. I had to keep from moaning his name. "I can feel it," he said. "Hmm, I want you- and what do you plan on doing about it," I asked. I watched her face. Where had the idea of marrying her come to mind? It just popped into my head. This was very unlike me. "What am I going to do about it? I am going to fuck you so good that you'll never want any other man inside of you but me. Everytime you even so much as look at another man you'll remember what my touch feel like," I said. **** The two newly weds were currently in Hawaii celebrating their marriage. "Shall we drink to a happy ending," asked Sebastian. "No, we'll drink to-" Sebastian chuckled. "I suppose this is where you tell me I'm just a toy," said Sebastian sarcastically. "No, but we are drinking to my triumph over you. The insatiable Sebastian Valmont has finally settled down," said Kathryn. "To our triumph." "Cheers," they said together. |