BATMAN

BIRDS, BATS, AND MEDDLING BRATS.

AT RISE: We see the outside of a museum on a nice spring day. An unseen narrator speaks.

NARRATOR: Gothom City Museum Of Modern Art! A perfect place to spend a nice, spring day. Whether you're here to enjoy the sights...(now we see the inside of museum. Camera pans slowly to see the many people walking around, staring at paintings, etc. Soon we see a group of young people walking around taking pictures. ) Or, if you're a member of a nearby photo club, the perfect place to have a meeting. (Camera then goes back outside, where a flshily dressed person is getting into a bright pink van) But, what's this? Something doesn't look right with that van!

(Now we are inside the van. We see two girls sitting at the driver's side and passenger's side. One is a flightly beached blonde- HEATHER. The other is a shorter brunette- NICOLE. Two men are sitting right behind them. Loading what look like guns.)

HEATHER: You understand the bosses's orders?

NICOLE: Yeah, yeah. But...why's it necessary we get THAT one?

HEATHER: I don't know, but he was very strict about it. Now remember, we go in, we create a distraction, we her HER, got it? (All nod)

(Now we are back inside the museum, where the photo club is very visible in foreground. Just then HEATHER, NICOLE, and HENCHMEN, in bright, clown-like clothes and pink masks, enter, brandishing their guns. All add-lib, 'All right, get down, all on the ground!!! Get down! Give us your wallets! Hand over the goodies, let's go!!' Camera goes to the front desk, where HEATHER is holding the front person at gunpoint while forcing her to drop money into the open bag she is brandishing. NICOLE then goes over to HENCHMAN #1- GIGGLES as the look at the people laying on the floor.)

GIGGGLES: Which one does he want?

NICOLE: (pointing to left): That's her! (goes over to short, feeckle-faced girl with glasses and orange sweater. Lifts her up by arm and holds gun on her) ALL RIGHT! Now, you do as we say, or we let this girl have it! Ya heard me, now give us your money, give us all of it!!!Your money or her life! Let's go! (start picking up wallets from ground while holding gun on the girl. HEATHER comes over)

HEATHER: Did ya do it?

NICOLE: We did it!

HEATHER: Great, let's get out of here! (laughs) Nice doing business with ya all!! (all leave, dragging the girl- VELMA- out with them)

Now we see van as they drag VELMA into it.

HEATHER: Let's go, you nerd, let's GO!

NICOLE (kicking VELMA through huge double doors in back of van) Get in that van, you! GET in that van!!

WE now se inside of van again. NICOLE is chaining VELMA to back of van, while HENCHMENM are counting the money and HEATHER is sitting in driver's seat.

NICOLE: In the back of a van, this can't be new to YOU!

HEATHER: How much we get?

NICOLE: $3000.

HEATHER: I don't know if that's enough for the boss.

NICOLE: Well, we'll just give him this litle surprise (points to VELMA) for now! (all laugh as they drive away)

BAT- SIGNAL CHANGE

We are now in COMMISIONER GORDON'S office. He is goiong through a stack of papers right in front of him.

COMMISIONER GORDON: We've been going through these recrods, Mrs. Dinckley. There seems to be no visible evidence why anyone would want your daughter.

Camera now pans out to see  a middle-aged woman that bares resemblence to VELMA, pacing around the office holding a wet hankerchief.

MRS. DINKLEY: They kidnapped my daughter three hours ago. When are we gonna hear from them, what do they WANT?!

COMMISIONER GORDON: Try to calm down, Mrs. Dinkley. Our only guess is that they did it for ransom, we just have to wait and hope they contact us.

MRS. DINKLEY: I'll give them anything, anything that they want. All I want is to have Velma back!

COMMISIONER GORDON: We have our top Police Officer, Cheif O' Hara, interviewing several witnesses to the scene. Maybe they can give us any kind of clues.

(CHIEF O HARA enters at this point. He's middle-aged, robust, and very Irish)

CHIEF: Commisionor. ho,ho, ye're not gonna like what me boys just found out!

COMMISIONER: Oh, Chief O' Hara, Mrs. Marylin Dinkley. She's the mother of the kidnapped girl. (they shake hands)

CHIEF: How da ya do.

COMMISIONER: What did the witnesses have to say, Chief?

CHIEF: Plenty, Commisioner. According to them the kidnappers were large, flahy clothing..almost lioke a clown would wear.

COMMISIONER: A clown?!

CHIEF: and git this, they were seen driving a bright pink colored van!

COMMISIONER: Pink van?! You don't think..

CHIEF: Ya read me mind, Commisionor. I had me boys go over record of the prison files. According to them, The Joker just busted out of prison early this morning! Penguin as well! (MRS. DINKLEY gasps)

COMMISIONER: Joker AND penguin?! Great Scott!

CHIEF (eyeing Batphone in case) Commisioner..

COMMISIONER: You are so right, Chief. If there's one person we need right now...(goes over to phone, takes off cover and pushes button. WE next see interior of BRUCE WAYNE'S study in WAYNE MANOR. ALFRED is dusting books, stops to get blinking red phone)

ALFRED: I'll sedn for him at once, Sir. (puits down phone and goes into main room, where BRUCE is reading paper and DICK is doing homework while AUNT HARRIET looks on.)

DICK: I don't know, Bruce. I have a feeling I'll nevr understand Shakespere.

AUNT HARRIET: Oh, but Dick, Shakespere was one of the more amazing playwrights of our time!

BRUCE: Indeed, Dick. It takes the studies of all kinds of brilliant mionds to be inspired to create great thinmgs yourself

(ALFRED enters and goes over to BRUCE0

ALFRED (whisp[ering): It's the Batphone, Sir.

BRUCE (standing up): I just rememebred, Dick, Commisioner Gordon has a beautiful Shakespere collection in his office. Maybe, if he's not busy, we can go over and see some of it.

DICK 9staing up): Gosh,. could we, Bruce?

BRUCE: I think so. Let's go. (they enter study, where Bruce picks up phone) Yes, Commisioner?

COMMISIONOR: Batman, we just recieved word that both Joker and Penguin have broken out of prision. We believe they may be involved with a kidnapping and robbery.

BRUCE: WEe're on our way. (hangs up phone as DICK lifts up bust of SHAKESPERE on desk to reveal a switch) To the Batpoles. (DICVJK flicks switch which causes bookcase to open and reveal two fireman's poles with 'Bruce' and 'Dick' on them. DICK closes bust and both run to poles to slide down them as bookcase closes.

BATMAN OPENING THEME.

 

Traditonal BATMAN them.

Now we're in the BATCAVE. BATMAN and ROBIN, now in full costume, slide down BATPOLES. They jump into BATMOBILE. Close up of the putting in seatbelts and starting car.

ROBIN: Atomic betteries to power. Turbines to speed.

BATMAN: Roger, get ready to move out.

They take of from BATCAVE. We see hedge outside of BATCAVE. Secret pasage in hedge opens up to let BATMOBILE out. They leave, small bar in front of hedge comes down automatically, BATMOBILE drives through, bar comes out again. As BATMOBILE drives through town, opening credits are seen over it. Soon we see BATMOBILE pull up in front of COMMISIONOR'S offie and BARMAN and ROBIN get out and dash in.

We are now inside COMMISIONER'S office, where COMMISIONER and CHIEF O' HARA are sitting on couch, trying to comfort upset MRS. DINKLEY.

COMMISIONOR: Now, Mrs. Dinkley. you were saying you might know of a reason why Joker and Penguin might want to kidnap your daughter?

BATMAN and ROBIN then enter, all stand up.

COMMISIONOR: Thank Heaven you've come, Caped Crusader.

BATMAN: As soon as we possibly could, Commisonor.

MRS< Dinkley: Oh my goodness...Batman..Robin...I..I never really though..what an Honor! (sticks out her hand. BATMAN gallantly shakes it)

BATMAN: How do you do, Mrs...

COMMISIONOR: Oh, how rude of me. Batman, this is Mrs. Marilyn Dinkley. The mother of the young lady who was kidnapped.

BATMAN: Oh yes, pleased to meet you, Mrs. Dinkley. I promsie you, Ma'am, we'll do our best to find your daughter.

MRS. DINKLEY: Thank you, thank you.

ROBIN: Can you give us a description of your daughter.

MRS. DINKLEY: Of course. Her full name is Velma Alison Dinkley. Seventeen years old, short dark hair cut in a pageboy. Brown eyes, glasses ad freckes across her nose...

BATMAN (whispering) Velma? (aside, to ROBIN) You don't think...

ROBIN: Holy Deja Vu!

CHIEF O' HARA: I'm sorry, Caped Crudsader?

Bat Scene change. Exterior of old, abandoned wherehouse is shown.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in an old abandoned wherehouse near the end of the peir...

Camera then slowly shows is inside. As it pans we see lots of huge and brightly decorated equipment strewn arouns. VELMA is shown chained to one of the pillars, her mouth tied with a bandana. THE HENCHMEN are sitting around a small table, counting the money. HEATHER and NICOLLE are i the forground. HEATHER is holding a portable keyboard and NICHOLLE is standing near a mike. They are singing, very badly. JOKER then enters, they stop.

JOKER: Well, well tunig up our vocal crds are we. Ladies?

NICOLLE (pointing to VELMA): Well, boss, as long as we have a captive audience, we figured why not? (goes over to VELMA and removes her gag. GIGGLES points a gun at her)

VELMA (seeing gun, starts clapping): Bravo, bravo, author, author!!!

NICHOLLE: Are you finished? (puts gag back)

JOKER: All right, all right, my beauties. You've had your fun. Now back to work!

NICHOOLLE: But, Joker, you said if we helped you with this, you'd help US get to be huge singing stars!

HEATHER: Yeah, what's the big deal about this kid anyway?

JOKER: I'll explain it to you all later. (loud noises are heard outside) Ah excellent, he arrived. Places, everyone, assume positions. Giggles, stay right where you are. Don't let me see so much as a twitch from her, so much as a nose wiggle, pull the trigger!

GIGGLES: Right, Boss. (keeps eyes fully glued on VELMA)

 

(JOKER hands up the phone)

HEATHER: OK, Joker, now will you LEASE tell us what's the deal with this kid?

NICHOLLE: Yeah, why do we need her anyway?

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, why should you care anyway?

HEATHER: I wanna know!!

JOKER: Think we should tell them, Pengy?

PENGUIN: Quack quack, have you forgotten what happened in the prison? Quack, how they all laughed at us?

HEATHER: Oh Penguin..look, we won';t laugh at you.

JOKER: You promise?

NICHOLLE: We promise, Joker. Now what's so sure about this kid?

JOKER: Well...it happened quite a while ago. Pengy and I were teamed up in our most treacherous crime yet We almost got away with it as well. In fact, we had Batman and Robin traed!

HEATHER: Whoa, whoa..hold it..ya mean, YOU actually captured Batman and Robin?

NICHOLE: You won?!

JOKER: Well...not quite. See..what happned was..THIS kid, in ADDITION to her friends, discovered where Batman and Robin were. While WE tried to scare them away..I mean, how much harm can tensgaers do? They saved batman and Robin..and they helped put us away! THEY made us the laughingstock of the entire prision!! (HENCHMEN, NICHOLLE, and HEATHER all stare at JOKER and PENGUIN,  not being able to believe what they've just heard. Suddenly a couple start to snicker, setting off everyone else. Soon they are all in peals of laughter.  JOKER and PENGUIN shoot them daggers)

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, all right get it out, get it ALL out!!

HEATHER: We're sorry, Penguin, we're sorry!!

NICHOLLE: Yeah...so..let us get this stright...you captured Batman and Robin...you CAPTURED them..and teenagers set them free?!

HENCHMAN #3: Oh no, I see a ten year old in the distance, she's gonna capture us...DUCK!! (exaggerated duck, causing more laughter)

 

PENGUIN (ignores laughter and waddles over to VELMA, removing her gag): Quack, quack, let me tell you, something..let me TELL you, quack, it;s almost a dream come true to get you!! Quack, quack, it's almost a dream. now that the tables are turned, quack. Yeah, look at you. Ain't so high and mighty now, are ya? Quack quack..let me tell you.....we could ave had Batbrain, quack we would have HAD him, if not for...

VELMA (smartly): Us medling kids?

PENGUIN: Quack, ENOUGH out of you! (puts gag back on VELMA. Turns and sees HENCHMEN cracking up)  Sttop that, STOP tat, you morons! Stop! (auims gas umbrella at HENCHMEN. who are instandtly quiet) Quack, quack, now enough! I tell you, quack, quack, wat Jomker has told you all is absolutely true! Quack, that's why we took this brat, quak, that's why we're gonna get rid of her and her friends! Quack, this way...one the Dynamic Dumbells screw u again..ad tyey WUILL..we'll be ready ad waiting for them! Quak, quak! One she's on our side and hr pals are emiminated..quack, end of our bigest problem!! (starts laughing and points gun at HENCHMEN, who statrt to laugh all over again.)

GIGGLES: So, what do we do now, Boss?

NICHOLLE: Yeah, now what?

JOKER: We go make a withdrawl...

(Bat-change. We ae now back inside the office of COMMISIONOR GORDON) MRS. DINKLY runs up to BATMAN)

MRS. DINKLY: What did they ask for? Whatever it is they can ave it!

BATMAN: I have a feling this isn't for ransom, Mr.s Dinkley.

(POLICEMAN comes into the room)

POLICEMAN: Commisionor..oh, Batman and Robin, excuse me, please. But we have a yung lady out here begging to be let in. Se claims to be a friend of the kidnapped girl.

COMMISIONOR: Better show her in.

(POLICEMAN opens dor. Young woman with bright red hair and short purple dres enters. She is holding a hankerchief and is fighting back tears- DAPHNE. She runs over to MRS. DINBKLEY)

DAPHNE: Mrs. Dinkley..

MRS. DINBKLEY: Hello, Daphne, dear. (hugs her. To CIMMISIONOR GORDON) Commisionor, this is Daphne Blake. She's Velma's best friend.

COMMISIONOR: Hello, Daphne. Police Commisionor Gordon.

DAPHNE: How do you do, I'm Daphne Blake.

BATMAN: Hello, Daphne, nice to see you again.

DAPHNE: Hello, Batman, Robin. Let me guess, Jokwer and Penguin again?

BATMAN: None other.

CHIEF O' HARA: Ya mean, ya all know each other already?

 

(CHIEF O' HARA enters again)

CHIEF O' HARA: Comisionor, there's a policeman from th Coolsville Police Department right outside, he;s volenteering to help with the kidnaping.

DAPHNE: Oh yes, Mr. Rogers, he gave us a ride here.

COMMISIONOR: Us?

(MR. ROGERS, along with SHAGGY leading SCOOBY DOO enter just then)

MR. ROGES: Excus me, like, is this the office of Commisonor Gordon?

COMMISIONOR: Yes, I'm here.

MR. ROGERS (oming forward and shaking his hand): Nice tio met you, I'm Oficer Rogers of the Coolsville Police Department. They sent me as soon as tey heard. This is my son, Norville...

SHAGGY (quickly): Like, everyone calls me Shaggy. (noticing BATMAN) Like, hey Batman! Hi, Robin.

BATMAN (quickly): Hello, Shaggy.

ROBIN: Hi, Scooby.

SCOOBY: Rello! (COMMISIONOR and CHIEF O' HARA look startled)

COMMOSIONOR: Did that dog just talk?

SHAGGY: Oh, Scoob? Like, he talks all the time!

CHIEF O' HARA: Glory be...a talking dog! As I live and breathe!

BATMAN: Oh yes, Scooby does have the ability to speak.

CHIEF O' HARA: Its the darnest thing I've ever seen!

MR' ROGERS: Anyway, like, I've come to ofer my services, if you need me.

BATMAN: Thank you, good citizen, we need all the help we can get. We believe the ones behind the kidnapping are none other than Joker and enguin!

SHAGGY: Zoinks!!

 

BATMAN: Now, Robin, we have to think about  tat hone call..

COMMISIONER: Batman?

BATMAN: Jusr thinking out loud, Commisioner. We recieved a call from the Joker, he said something about if we want to find Velma, we ave to look for the loudest dings..

SHAGGY: Dings?

SCOOBY: Rings?

DAPHNE: Dings...dings...

MRS. DINKLEY: Oh, Daphne, Dear, I really don't think this is a good idea..

DAPHNE: But, Mrs. Dinkley..

MRS. DINKLEY: Dear, I understand how you want to help Velma, and we're honored tat you do, but Honey, whoever dd this to her can easily get you, too.

COMMISIONER: She may be right, Miss Blake. You'd best leave tis to Batman and Robin. They know the Joker better than anyone.

SHAGGY: Hey..

DAPHNE: Now just a minute, Batman, Commisonor Gordon, Mrs. Dinkley, Velma happens to be our very best friend! Our very best friend in the whole world! Whatever happens to her happens to us! ALL of us!

COMMISIONOR: All of us?

MRS. DINKLEY: Is Fred here?

SHAGGY: I have him a call he's heading here from his baseball game!

DAPHNE: I took a cab. Anywa, we've been to gether since we were babies, te four of us, ad we're NOT gonna abandon her now! Not when she needs us the most!

CHIEF O' HARA: Well, I do applaud your way of thinking, begob and begabbers, but tis is a very dangerous mission, you could get hurt.

DAPHNE: I don't care! I can't just stand around here while tey do God-knows-what to my best friend!

MRS. DINKLEY: Honey, I do think that you ad your friends have been through enough..

BATMAN (slowly): On the contrary, Mrs. Dinkley, these young people are of more importance to all of us than we all think.

COMMISIONER: What exactly are you saying, Batman?

DAPHNE: You never told them, Comissioner? (Slowly smiles BATMAN clears his throat)

BATMAN": Now, on to the Joker's riddle…

SHAGGY: Like, the Joker left a riddle?

SCOOBY: Risn't rat rhat rhe Riddler roes?

ROBIN: No, Scoob, this is a different kind of riddle (loud dings are heard outside the window. SHAGGY, SCOOBY, DAPHNE. MRS. DINKLEY, and MR. ROGERS all go to the window)

SHAGY: Like, what's that, man?

COMMISIONER: Oh, don't worry, those are just the bells of a nearby gas station. Every time a car comes in it dings loudly.

DAPHNE: Did you say 'dings'?

COMMISIONER: Yes, and by golly those things are loud! You can hear them down the block!

DAPHNE: Sir, are there gas station like that all over the city?

CHIEF O' HARA: Why yes, Miss Blake, in fact there's another one right near the museum…

ROBIN: Right where the kidnapping too lace!

BATMAN: Great Scott, that's it! 'The place with the loudest dings'! They must be hiding near one of the gas stations!

SCOOBY: Right!

BATMAN: Come on, Ol' Chum, to the Batmobile! (to DAPHNE, SHAGGY, SCOOBY) You'd best come with us, you know your friend better than we do!

MR. ROGERS: They can all ride with me in my police car, Batman…

SHAGGY: Like, no thanks, Fred should be here any minute in his Mystery Machine..

COMMISIONOR: 'Mystery Machine?'

MRS. DINKLEY: That's what they call his van.  (Loud honking is heard outside. SHAGGY goes to the window and looks)

SHAGGY: Like, there he is now!

BATMAN: Mr. Rogers, I would like to have you ride with us in your police car, just as a precaution.

MR. ROGERS: Of course, Batman, Anything you say.

BATMAN: Come, friends!
(all exit, scene change)

 

Bat scene change

Extrior of gas station is shown.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in an old warehouse in an abandoned gas station..

JOKER, PENGUIN, NICHOLLE, HEATHER, and HENCHMEN enter.

JOKER (looking around): Hee,hee,hee, excellent, my companions, excellent!! We have everything we need to execute the next level of our plan! Ready, men?

HENCHMEN: Yeah, yea, all ready, Joker! Yeah, boss!

GIGGLES: Say, Boss...where's the kid?

JOKER: WHAT?! (to NICHOLLE and HEATHER) I thought I told one of you NOT to leave tat girl in the back of the van! With her mind who knows WHAT she can do!

NICHOLLE: But, she's handcuffed, Boss!

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, quack, it doesn't matter, quack, get the kid!

HEATHER AND NICHOLLE (to each other): Go get the kid!

JOKER: Get her! Get the kid!!

HEATHER AND NICHOLLE (to each other): Go get the kid!

GIGGLES: Oh, I'LL get her! (He exits. Comes back dragging VELMA, hose hands are still cuffed together)

JOKER: All right now, men, you know what to do and girls, so do you!

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, better bring the kid with us, quack, I don't trust her!

JOKER: NOr do I, Pengy. All right, inside with all of you!  (They open up a secret door in the floor of the warehouse. Entering it, they come out the other side in a secret door in the bank, taking VELMA with them! )

Interior of bank is shown. Various people taking out their money, walking around, sitting at desks. JOKER, PENGUIN, HENCHMEN, HEATHER, and NICHOLLE enter, dragging VELMA.

JOKER: All right now, Girls, to your positions. Men, come with me!!
(MEN sneaks away with JOKER and PENGUIN, which gives a delighyed 'quack' as he exits. HEATHER grabs a chair and puts it in front of one of the desks. The CLERK looks down at this strangely.)

VELMA: Uh, wait, can I ask a rather dumb question...WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!?!

HEATHER: Simple, Dear. The boss is going to make a withdrawal, while we give those lovely people a free concert.

NICHOLLE (sitting VELMA in the chair): and YOU, my darling, as our special gust, have the honor of being in the front seat!

VELMA (to the side): Oh, lucky me!

HEATHER: Now, you little Pixie, hold that tong of yours! You're here for the long run of the boss has his way, so you may as well enjoy it!

NICHOLLE (takes out a pair of handcuffs and cuffs VELMA'S leg t leg of chair): Just as a precautionary measure, my Dear. Nothing personal, you understand.

VELMA: Oh, of course!

HEATHER: Now, are we comfy?

VELMA: Well..(Waves her cuffed leg) now that you mention it.... (NICHOLLE takes out gun and holds it on her. She gulps) I'm very comfortable!

HEATHER: Good. Now prepare for the second coming of Third Eye Blind, everybody! (Takes out guitars, gives one to NICHOLLE and they start to sing loudly. PEOPLE stop and stare at this performance, just long enough for JOKER, PENGUIN, and HENCHMEN to sneak around and take as much money as they can get. ).

 

The scene quietly dissolves so that we get the impression several time has passed. HEATHER and NICHOLLE are still pplaying for the interested people whio hav stopped what they were doing and are giving the women their full attention. VELMA is still handcuffed to the chair, listening, but looking completely bored. As the camera zooms in on the background, JOKER, PENGUIN, and the HENCHMEN are making off with the loot. JOKER gives HEATHER a suignal and immidiately the girls take a bow and stop singing, uncuff VELMA, and drag her outside.

We are now outside. The HENCHMEN ahev finished loading the van and are about to pull away when the Batmobile shows up. BATMAN and ROBIN jump out.

ROBIN: Holy Bank Accounts, Batman, there they are~!

BATMAN: Yes, Robin, just as I predicted, at the gas station!

JOKER: So, you figured it out, huh? Well, hee,hee, nice chancge of pace for YOU to be here, I guess you got your spunk back, huh?

ROBIN: And dont you forget it, Joker!

PENGUIN: Quak, quack, quack, but we seem to be four short. Where are your friends, batbrain? Quak, quack, guess they all chickened out!

Mystery Machine pulls up in frotn of the Batmobile. FRED, DAPHNE, SHAGGY, and SCOOBY climb out.

FRED: Don;t count on it, Joker!

PENGUIN: So, quack, quack, you did come! But, quack, I warn you, you best be careful! One false move..(Grabs VELMA from van and pushes her out in front of him) and we'll do something unspeakable to your friend here, quack, right in frotn of ya!

DAPHNE: Velma!

FRED: Don't you hurt her, Joker!

BARMAN: Don't take that chance, kids! Quick, all to the back of the van, now!

FRED: But, batman...

BATMAN: hat's an order! Now, quick! (to ROBIN, as the rest run to the back of the van) Now, old chum!

JOKER: Boys, sick em!

(JOKER grabs VELMA, pushes her back into the van. PENGUIN, HEATHER, ad NICHOLLE climb in ater as te HENCHMEN go to work. Standard fight scene ensues along with appropriate words 'POW!' 'THWACK!' 'OOF!' 'OUCH!' In the midle of it, SCOOBY peks out from the van and sees one of the HENCHMAN about to pound ROBIN. With a huge growl, he charges and proceeds to bite the HENCHMAN on the behind with a word 'OW!' comes on screen as the HENCHMAN grabs his behind ad falls backward as BATMAN and ROBIN take out the last one and shake hands.

Scene change

Interior of JOKER'S van as VELMA is being rechained to te wall. In the foregound, NICHOLLE is counting the money.

NICHOLLE: 1,597, 1,598, 1,599, 1,600! Ohh, santa baby, but this under MY tree, thank you.

HEATHER: I can't believe Joker and Penguin were able to get away with THIS much money?! (notices NICHOLLE isn't listening) Nick, hello? That's over $1,000! Amazing!

NICHOLLE: You know wat's REALLY amazing? Joker is THIS (holds up money) cose to getting us a recording deal, and we'll be rock stars!

HEATHER: Yeah, as soon as he gets his loot and what he wants.

VELMA: You really believe what HE says?

HEATHER: yes, and why not? If you wil recall, YOU have no say in the matter! Now stay there and be quiet, or the gag comes back!

JOKER (coming towards them): Well, Ladies, how did we do?

NICHOLLE: $3,996 in small bills. Add that to the $300 we alrady have...

PENGUIN: Quakc, quack, STILL not enough!

JOKER: No, you're rght, Pengy, we need at least $5000 for the Professor to do his job.

VELMA: The Professor?

JOKER: What';s SHE doing ungagged?

NICHOLLE: Well, she was nice and quiet before..

PERNGUIN: Quack, quack, this one's never quiet, she's six inches of MOUTH! Quack, now GAG her! Girls like her shoudl be seen and NOT heard! (HENCHMEN do so)

HEATHER: Joker, don't you think you're bing too hard on her? She's just a child.

PENGUIN: Quack, yes she is. A child that will soon be working fr us, as soon as w got enough money. Quack, quack.

JOKER: And I just know how we can do it, too! Hee,hee. We can dispose of the Dynamic Duo at the same time! (Claps hands and squeals with delight).

 

Scene change
Outside the staion, in front of the Batmobile.

ROBIN: Holy Camouflage, they got away again!

BATMAN: Yes, old chum, but judging by the speed the van was going, they won't get far!

SHAGGY: Zoinks, they've still got Velma with them!

BATMAN, ROBIN, and GANG turn as the JOKER'S vehicle comes backing up toward them. JOKER sticks his head out.

JOKER: That's right, you clever thing, we got your little friend, and in order to get her back, you MUST continue playing our own sweet game! Hee,hee,hee!

DAPHNE and FRED begin to rush toward the van, BATMAN stops them.

BATMAN: What sort of game did you have in mind, Joker?

JOKER: Oh just a little game plan called 'follow the leader', our own version! Just follow the clues. Our girls can make pretty music when they can,. but be careful of their biggest fans!  Taa,taa!! (laughing hysterically, they drive off)

ROBIN: Holly E.E. Cummings, what was that all about?!

BATMAN: A most clever play on words, Robin. Knowing the Joker, he won't make this too obvious a clue, but we have to keep in mind that we can't waste too much time.

DAPHNE: I'll say you can't, that's my best friend in that van!

SHAGGY: And like, my own neighbor!!

BATMAN: Correct, this time we're dealing not just with two arch-villians, but with an innocent human life. We can't take any chances with this, Robin. Joker and Penguin both want revenge, and my guess it's as bloody as possible.

(DAPHNE gasps and almost faints. FRED grabs her and he ,SHAGGY, and SCOOBY all run behind the van)

FRED: Are you all right, daph?

DAPHNE: Yes...but when I think of what those monstars might do...

FRED: I know, we can't just sit here and do nothing. We have to try and stop them!

SCOOBY (points ears to left): Risten!

FRED: What do you hear, Scoob?

SCOOBY: Re Ran!

FRED: Where?

SCOOBY: Ray rent rat ray! (points to left)

FRED: Good boy, Scoob! Shaggy, you and Scoob stay here with Batman and Robin, tell him we went to follow that van!

SHAGGY: Like, OK, Freddy, but be careful!

DAPHNE: Don't worry, Shag! The way I feel right now no prisoner or villian would DARE mess with me! (jumps into Mystery Machine) Come on, fred!

SHAGGY (pats FRED'S shoulder): Good luck, man!

FRED: Thanks, Shag!

Scene change
Outside shot of deserted dirt road. JOKER'S pink van is seen driving, a little bit later Mystery Machine is right behind it.
Interior of Mystery Machine. FRED driving.

FRED: Boy, Scoob's ears are fantastic, there they are!

DAPHNE: Oh God, Vel, PLEASE hold on!

Interior of pink van. GIGGLES ios looking out window though telescope.

GIGGLES: Hey, Joker, is that a tailgater over there?

JOKER appears at window, takes telescope, and looks through it.

JOKER: No, those are those kids, down there!(makes a gesture inside vehicle. van goes into parking lot of another building. Mystery Machine stops close behind it. FRED and DAPHNE scramble out.

DAPHNE: JOKER!! PENGUIN!!

They exit pink van, along with HENCHMEN

PENGUIN: Quack, no need to shout, my dear, we're all here! Quack, quack.

FRED: What have you done with Velma?

PENGUIN: Quack...uh...who? Oh, oh, yeah, her, yeah. Quack, quack, she's here, in the van, quack, I garnetee ya she's perfectly safe, quack, for now!

(as FRED speaks, NICHOLLE comes slowly out of the van with a bat behind her back. She moves slowly so no one sees her.)

FRED: Look, Joker, I warn you. Velma is one of our best friends. Batman and Robin are gonna be here real soon to get you, so whatever you have planned it won't work. I asssure you..uh..I can bench press 220, so I'm not afriad to pound you to peices. Go ahead, do your worst on me, I dare you. Just leave Velma alone!

JOKER: Oh,. how touching! That was quite a mouthful! But I;'m afraid all that wasn't necessary my good man! (to NICHOLLE) NOW! (NICHOLLE- who by now is behind FRED- proceeds to bob FRED on the head with the bat. DAPHNE gasps and runs over to him)

DAPHNE: Oh, Freddie! (hugs him tightly)

FRED (rubbing his head) I'm Ok, Daph. Oh man, what a whallop!

JOKER: Tie the lovebirds together! (HENCHMEN pick up FRED and DAPHNE and tie them back to back. JOKER goes to big heavy iron door of factory that is right behind him, opens it up) I TOLD you purchasing this old factory was a good idea, it enabled us to store this tank of GAS in it, right? Hee,hee,hee. Put them (points to tied up FRED and DAPHNE) in here! (HENCHMEN drag them in, JOKER shuts the door.) How sweet it is, dying together, like Romeo and Juliet! Hee,hee. And by the way, if you have anything important to say to one another, I suggest you say it now! (lauging, he gives the signal, and GIGGLES proceeds to turn a huge iron wheel to the right of the bulding.)

(Interior of building, large grey, cirlcular room with no way out but door. Looks like a grey iron silo. Smooke begins to come from floor. FRED and DAPHNE look scard and alarmed. )

(Outside. JOKER is hysterical)

JOKER: Fare thee well, it's been fun! Two down, two to go! Hee,hee. (all jump in van for fast exit)
(Interior of van, VELMA is watching the previous scene from window, near tears)

VELMA: Freddie! Daph! NOOOOOOO!! (turns to JOKER) You'll pay for this, you monstar!

JOKER: Hee, hee, threats from a chained up chipmunk! Hee,hee,hee!

GIGGLES: yeah, and ta think, Boss, SHE helped put you in jail! (starts laughing, but slowly realises he's the only one who is. Slowly turns around and notices other members of gang are giving him dirty looks. Quickly gets quiet and clears his throat. of course..that could be just be a cioncidence...

Penguin: Quack, quack, yes, just a cioncidence! Quack, quack..but, we have LEARNED from our mistakes! (waddles over to VELMA) Quack. Do you even KNOW what it's LIKE to spedn years and years in jail..and to know that people HALF YOUR AGE have put you there?!  Quack..and to have the whole prison know we actually captured the DYnamic Duo...quack..we almost captured them..we almost HAD them..we did have them...we WOULD have HAD them! But you...ALL OF YOU...QUACK...YA FOLWED UP EVERYTHING!!!! EVERYTHING!!!! BET YOU'RE PROUD OF IT TOO..THE LOT OF YA ARE PROUD OF IT!  You're ALL proud! Quack..when I think...so many people...laughing behind our backs..we HAD them..and teenagers...mere CHILDREN!! Just CHILDREN..foiled our plans...CHILDREN! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?!?! Well, my little lady, tell me...ARE YOU LAUGHING NOW?!?! ARE YA?!

NICHOLLE:(Watching from window): The gas is on full blast, Jopker. They'll be smoked out in fifteen minutes!

VELMA: Nooo! NOOOO!(bursts into tears)

JOKER: Well, well, well, she DOES have feelings! Hee,hee. (to GIGGLEs, who has entered the van) Giggles, gag her. Teenagers should be seen and not heard! (GIGGLES comes behind VELMA puts gag on her)

PENGUIN (grabs a microphone): Quack, i hope ya heard that. Quack, in fifteen minutes, all your oxygen will be sniffed out, and you'll be on your way to that big Mystery Machine in the sky! Quack, quack.

(we now see inside of chamber. The PENGUIN'S taunts seem to come from all around them as FRED and DAPHYNE struggl;e with the ropes through the smoke quickly rising) Quack, and there's no use struggling, you'll never be abnle to burst out of those ropes in time! There's not even a way out..save for up there! (FRED and DAPHNE look up, there's a small hole in the roof of the building) and there's no way up there! Quack, quack. Not even enough tiome for wind or air to blow all the gas away, you'll suffocate LONG before that! Quack, you should have thought many months ago who you were messing with!  Quack. But you mustn't worry, my Dears, soon your hippie friend and his dog will jion you up there! But rest assured, we'll take care of your friend down here!
(Interior of van as PENGUIN puta away mike)

PENGUIN: Let's go, HIT IT! (van drives off)

 

Scene change,
We see th Batmobile coming down the road, Closeup on it. ROBIN is sharing a seat with SHAGGY and SCOOBY. BATMAN is behind the wheel. SCOOBY is lenaing out the door with his tounge flapping in the wind.
BATMAN: Those two should have NOT gone on by themselves! Joker and Penguin are vicious this time.

ROBIN: Holy Revenge, Batman, they didn't look like they were folling this time!

BATMAN: No way, Old Chum. God only knows what they might be doing to Fred or Dahne even as we speak!

SHAGG (taking out his phone): Like, I better call himk to see what's happening. (dials on phone and hold it to ear. After few seconds he frowns) Like, no answer. His phone is ringing...but like he's not picking up! I';ll try Daph, like she always answers. (dials again). Like, still nothing.

BATMAN: We better trac it. Robin, plug yhe phone into or portable Bat-tracer.

ROBIN: Right, Batman (takes phone from SHAGGY and plugs it in under dashboard.)

 

SHAGGY: Like, Batman, I'm realy gettin scared!

SCOOBY: REah, Reddy, Raphne, Relma! (sniffs)

BATMAN (petting SCOOBY): Don't worry, ol' Chum, we'll find them and get them back! No telling what Joker and Penguin will do to them if they ctach them,!

ROBIN: Batyman, look! The Bat Phonee-Tracer has detected Frd's Mystery Machine phone currents come from outside an old abandoned car dealorship accross town! (noise from car) But look, batman, the bat-Computer's car cuirrents also traked Joker and Penguin to..this is weird..a Japanese souvenir shop? Huh?

BATMAN: Japanese, Japanese..Robin, don''t you see? That's not odd at all!

ROBIN: What do you mean, Batman?

SCOOBY: Rah? Rhat?

BATMAN: Don't you see, Robin? The Joker's Clue? 'The lace with the biggest fans'? The Japanese are famous for their intricate folding fans!

ROBIN: Holy Origami, you're right, Batman! That must be where Joker and Penguin are hiding!

SHAGGY: Zoinks! But, like, the Mystery Machine's phone signal is from way over there! (points on computer, BATMAN stops Batmobile)

BATMAN: Great Scott....that must mean they were discovered! No telling what trap that murderous clown has put them in! Robin, take over driving the Batmobile, you and Shaggy race to these coordinates. Scooby, come with me on the Batcycle, I may need your tracking nose. (SCOOBY whines as BATMAN gets out and opens up trunk, revealing Batcycle)

SCOOBY whines

SHAGGY: LIke, do it for Velma, Scoob.

SCOOBY: Ror Relma? Ralright!

 

Scene change.
Insideb the hideout. We see a slow pan around the room. It is as we've seen before, except VELMA is nowhere to be seen. HEATHER is leaning against the wall, fanmning herself with a Japanese fan. NICHOLLE is tuning up the microphone, GILES is counting the money while sitting at a table, an the rest of the HENCHMEN are doing various things. JOKER and PENGUIN enter just then.

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, quack, ingenious Joker, simply INGENIOUS!! Quack, quack, quack!

JOKER: Didn't I tell ya, Pengy? We an't lost this one! Either they abandon this one to save those two, or theyb let them be gassed to save her!! Either way, we win! (laughs hysteriocally)  Now all that's left is that hippir boy and his mangy mongrel, and THEY shouldn';t be too tough at al! (laughs again) Oh, sweet revenge! I've been waiting a LOOOOOOOONG time for this!

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, you and me both!

Outside is now seen. BATMAN parks the Batcycle outside the factory. He climbs ut. SCOOBY shivers in the seat next to him.

BATMAN: I better go in forst to make sure it's safe. Scooby stay out here and guard the Batcycle. If I need you, the red light on the Batcycle will beep. Understand?

SCOOBY:" Ruh huh.

BATMAN runs off, SCOOBY stands outside growling. BATMAN circles the bulding, fianlly finding a window open near the top. He takes out his Batrope and winds it up, throwing it.

Next scene, inside the hideout. JOKER notices NICHOLLE near the mikes.

JOKER: Nicholle, what are you doing?!

NICHOLLE: I was just tuning up this microphone, Joker. After all, if we're gonna be stars, we gotta make sure we're prepared..

JOKER: Not now, Nicholle!

NICHOLLE: But, Joker, you said...

JOKER: I SAID, not now! Go, tend to our guest, make sure she's comfirtable!

NICHOLLE: But, Joker...

JOKER: If you wanna be a singing star, you MUST FIRST keep your end of the bargain! Now GO! (NICHOLLE exits)

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, quack, what do we rob now, Joker? Quack, we still ned about $200 tp pay the professor.

 

JOKER: One thing at a time, Pengy, first things first!

Huge sounds come from the top of the bulding. BATMAN then enters quikly.

BATMAN: The joke is up, Joker?

JOKER: BATMAN?! Well, well, well, what kept you? Hee,hee, this is just as easy as that fiunhouse adventure, maybe more!

BATMAN: Let us not dwell too much on the past. Joker, Penguin.

PENGUIN: Quack, quack, but we WANT to, Captain Dunderhead! See, we got what YOU want, quack, and if you don't behave it will be the worse...for HER!! Quick, bring her in!  (NICHOLLE enters the room, dragging VELMA, handcuffed)

BATMAN: VELMA! All right, what is it that you want?

JOKER: Thought you'd never ask! Hee,hee. Man, SICK EM!!! (HENCHMEN run and attack BATMAN. Through the maditory fight scene, JOKER runs off to the side of the building and pulls thje trigger. Immidiately a huge gaggle of stream,ers and confetti come pouring down, making BATMAN get tangled up in it and confused. VELMA looks away as JOKER and PENGUIN laugh hysterically)

Scene change

We now see BATMAN strapped to a large apparatus while JOKER, PENGUIN, the HENCHMEN, NICHOLLE, and HEATHER  are watching. NICHOLLE and HEATHER are standing ion either side of VELMA, stil handciffed.

JOKER: You see, Caped Blunder, it's all perfectly simple! Once I throw this switch, the machine will start and in the blink of an eye, you my fine feathered friend, will be made into a beautiful oversize Japanese fan, just like this! (hold up fan from behind his back and unfolds it. VELMA gasps)

VELMA: Oh, you monstar!

JOKER: SILENCE!! Tak her out!! (HENCHMEN drag her out. JOKER turns back to BATMAN) Fare thee well, oh Fearless Leader! TJIS time no kids will be able to free you! (lauging, he flicks the switch, which begins the apparatus. BATMAN begins to slide into the machine. JOKER exits. Yellow words begin tio form on the screen as the NARRATOR says them)

NARRATOOR: Oh, the horrors! Can this really be happening?! The Caped Crusader, little more than a huge paper fan?! (we now se FRED and DAPHNE struggling to gety free as the smoke continues to rise) That smoke is rising fast! (we now se ROBIN and SHAGGY is Batmobile) Tobin had better get there fast! Tune in tomorrow to watch the exciting conclusion. Same Bat-Time! Same Bat-Channel!]

End of part one.

 

 

 

DEBBIE comes into living room. BONNIE enters and greets her.

DEBBI: Hi ther, Bonnie!

BONNIE: Hey, Deb, sit down! (DEB sits on couch)

DEBBIE: So, how was your first visit from your brother, th newlywd?

BONNIE (giggles slgithly): Well..

DEBBIE: Oh, what?

BONNIE: Well, let me put it this way, I forgot what it was like being a newlywed. (DEBBIE leans forward) They made love ALL NIGHT LONG! (DEBBIE giggles)

DEBBIE: Oh! Did it wake up Steve?

BONNIE: Well, let me put it this way..I forgot how competeive my husband is!

DEBBIE: Oh, don';t tell me...you and Steve..

BONNIE: of rhtree hours! (DEBBIE screams out loud)

BUTCH and MERILEE enter just then,. afterglow clearly on their faces. They are smiling from ear to ear.

BOTH: Morning!

DEBBIE and BONNIE: Morning!

BUTCH's ring goes off. MERILEE groans.

MERILEE: Oh, not him again!

BUTCH (sighs): I know, I know. I swear..I know we wer supposed to go to dinner tonight....

MERILEE (disappointed): Yeah, but smugglers and counterfeiters don't care. Come on, let;s go face the music!

BUTCH: Yeah. I'll kake it up to you, though. As soon as we get done I'll treat you to the best restarient in town!

MERILE: Oh, Butch..you're the best! (kisses him deeply as they go into kitchen.

BONNIE (to DEBBIE): that;s the fifth time I've heard that in three hours! (they laugh)

 

Fade in

We see BATMAN on the convayer belt heading for the machione as the NARRATOR begins.

NARRATOR: When we last left Batman he was on a gigantic convayer bel;t, about to be made into a king-size paper fan by both Joker and Penguin, who are getting him out of the way in order to execute a dare plan of revenge. Will they succeed?

Opening montage

As scene fades in on conveyer belt, the opening title comes in bright yellow- 'The Gang's All Here' After opening credits, BATMAN struggles underneath him. He finally manages to pull what looks like a small little tablet from the very back of his utility belt (awkward since his hands were securely fastened to belt) . He takes a very awkward aim, and throws it into machine. Immediately machine explodes into little pieces, throwing BATMAN out and to the side. He watches as what used to be the machine its now just fragments of springs and wires.

Scene change.

We see BATMOBILE driving along curved road. We then see interior of it, ROBIN is driving, while SHAGGY holds BATPHONE.

SHAGGY: Like, the Mystery Machine phone is louder, Robin. They should be around here someplace.

ROBIN: Holy Mirage, I think I see it! (Pulls up to gas factory, Mystery Machine is parked near it. SHAGGY and ROBIN scramble out)

SHAGGY: Like, where are they, Man?

ROBIN: I don't know... We have to spread out and look for them, they might be anywhere around here.

SHAGGY: Oh man, I wish we had Scooby with us. Like, he could sniff them out in just a few seconds!

ROBIN (Looking near the tower): Fred? Daphne? (Looks up) Holy Smokestacks! Shaggy, look! (Points to smoke)

SHAGGY: So? Like, the factory's working. Maybe someone in there's seen Fred or Daphne!

ROBIN: I don't think so, Shaggy. This place has been abandoned for years!

SHAGGY: Zoinks! Like, ghosts!!!! (Starts to run away. Voices are heard inside the tower)

FRED (Inside the tower): Shaggy?

SHAGGY: Oh mean, like either I'm hearing things…or THE GHOST GOT FRED!!! ZOINKS!! (Starts to run again, Robin touches his shoulder gently)

ROBIN: I don’t think so, Shaggy. (Calls out) Fred? Where are you?

FRED: In the tower!! Joker and Penguin locked us in, and he's trying to gas us! Hurry, …Daphne is feeling weak!

ROBIN: Are your hands bound up?

FRED: Yes, we're back to back.

WE now see inside the tower. The gas has come up their shoulders

ROBIN: Then listen carefully and do as I say. Batman and I have been through something like this several times before. Just do what I tell you. Do you se that hole in the roof?

FRED: Yes.

DAPHNE (Gasping): yes.

ROBIN: All right. Now what I need you both to do is to lean against each other's backs. Now both of you put your left foot on the wall. (They do so) Are you doing that?

BOTH: yes.

ROBIN: OK now lean against each other's backs, and lift your other foot. Put that on top of the left. Lean AGAINST each other, use each other for weight. Now, slowly climb up the wall. Very slowly lean on each other. Climb up carefully. (They find themselves doing so.)

We see exterior of tower.

ROBIN: Shaggy, quick, go to the Batmobile. There's bat rope under where you're sitting. Give it to me, I'll climb up and bring them down.

SHAGGY: Like, right!

 

ROBIN helps FRED and DAPHN up from the roof.

FRED (gasping for air): Thanks, Robin!

ROBIN: You're welcome. I better call Batman! (They all climb down and ROBIN goes over to the Batmobile) Batman, come in, Batman!

BATMAN (from Batmobile): Right here, Old Chum. How is everything down there?

ROBIN: Well, let's just say one of Joker's unfunny jokes backfired.

BATMAN: Same with me too. Are you still near the where house?

ROBIN: Yeah, we are.

BATMAN: Scooby and I are coming to meet you. Then we'll all work together to help bring Velma back.

Scene change.

BATMAN and SCOOBY are back with the gang.

BATMAN: So, Joker and Penguin kidnap Velma. Then lure Fred and Daphne to this where house with the intention of gassing them.

ROBIN: Holy Hamlet, Batman!

BATMAN: A most excellent play on words, Robin, what we have here is a deadly case of revenge! Revenge not only against Robin and me but against all of you for the help you gave us those two times!

SHAGGY: Zoinks! Like…you said...a...a…deadly revenge?!

DAPHNE gasps and holds her hand to her mouth.

SCOOBY (Crying): Ro no, Relma!!

BATMAN: Calm down, Scooby! Now, I think what Robin and I need to do is get to the Batcave and....

DAPHNE: Wit all due respect, Batman, we need to go with you!

BATMAN: Well, as admirable as that sounds…

DAPHNE: Batman...Velma is our best friend.

SHAGGY: Like, our very best friend in the whole world!

FRED: Yeah!

DAPHNEE: And what happens to her happens to all of us! We need to help you. We need her back!

BATMAN: Well...all right, now all of you in the Batmobile. ROBIN, take Fred's keys and drive the Mystery Machine. (ROBIN does so)

(The gang files in)

BATMAN (Takes small bottle out of utility belt): Now, I asked him to do that because, I'm going to have to put you all to sleep for a while. I guarantee it will not hurt, but we can't take any chances with the Batcave's location…(before they can protest, BATMAN sprays them lightly, and they all fall asleep)

 

END OF PART 1