Richard James Stanley/President rixon section
Contents
1) Introduction
3) Q & A
4) Contact
Welcome to the official War Soc Richard James Stanley web page! In this section you will find a great deal of highly important information regarding the War Studies society ex-president Andy Rixon. In my opinion, President Rixon was the best damn president that the War Studies society has ever had I look forward with all my heart to the day on which he gloriously retakes the seat of power and resumes his glorious reign of power.
All hail President Rixon! Long live the President!
President Rixon is the mightiest president that the War Studies Society has ever seen and will crush you if you even think otherwise! He has eyebrows!
President Rixon is also one of the most accessible overlords at KCL and will happily converse with his minions about any fears they may have. Below is some of the communication I have had with our glorious President which I have published as evidence that he is simply great!
Sent:
Hi there President
Andy!
Please excuse my nerves, I have never written to the president before.
I have written you a poem to celebrate your glorious seizure of power. I hope
that it will please you and that you will consider printing it on all your
posters and stationary. Here it is -
President Rixon, fierce and proud,
There'll be no trouble when Andy's around,
Standing tall against his foes,
Crushing his opponents with terrifying blows,
President Rixon, he is the best,
He doesn't like to ride horses though,
President Rixon, he really is the man,
He'll use his giant fists to crush your can of Spam
It took me about two hours to write each verse so if you want to commission me
to write more I can do but you can understand that it might take a while. If
you aren't interested then perhaps you would be interested in hiring me as the
official portrait painter to the president? I charge very reasonable rates in
pounds and/or Euros. Drop me a line soon!
Yours sincerely,
Richard James (middle name) Stanley
Received:
are you bored?!?!?!?!
Haha
Sent:
Hi President Rixon!
Thanks for your positive feedback on my poetry project, I'm glad to see that you
are very enthusiastic about it. I'm sure you are looking forward to reading the
full collection which I intend to publish within the next few weeks.
Whilst we are on a literary note I was wondering if you would be interested in
writing a foreword to the biography of you that I am currently writing. It is
called 'President Andrew Rixon - From Rio slum to the Carlton Club', I have
included an extract from the 3rd chapter (4th actually) that you can find below
(please see below) -
'Andrew Rixon turned to his wife, Andrew Rixon and bellowed, 'Don't touch me
wife! Your lies burn my soul like a vitriolic acid! I cannot bear our unity any
longer!' Andrew Rixon (Andrew Rixon (wife)) looked at Andrew Rixon (Andrew
Rixon (husband)) with a quivering lip and a tearful eye. Mr. Johnson looked on
as he sipped a small cup of Lentil Tea, 'The merry go round never did work' he
said 'I remember how the children would cry'. 'Happy times' said Andrew Rixon
(Andrew Rixon (wife)) and Andrew Rixon (Andrew Rixon (husband)) in unison.'
I hope you are interested President Rixon (Andrew Rixon (president)). Your
foreword should be between 5000 and 25000 words and I'll need it on my desk by
Wednesday (9AM). To give you a better overview of the book, here is a chapter
by chapter summary -
Chapter one -
'A childhood in Rio' - Details about your early days growing up in the Rio
slums
Chapter two -
'The move to London' - Mainly concentrates on your flight from Rio to London,
mostly filler really
Chapter three -
'Wife!' - All about the many women to have come and gone in the Andy Rixon camp
Chapter four -
'Rise to power' - All about your glorious ascension to the very pinnacle of the
War Studies political elite
Chapter five -
'Conclusion' - A summary of our most powerful leader
Index -
So that readers can easily find all the references to 'Edam cheese' in your
book
Chapter ninety-nine -
(secret chapter)
I'll look forward to hearing from you soon chief,
Yours sincerely,
Richard James Stanley
Received:
From Andrew Rixon,
President of the War Studies Society
you nutter! very funny
though. keep up the good work. what what.
andy
Sent:
Hi President Rixon!
As you were so enthusiastic about my poetry project I decided to stay up all
last night finishing it off so that I would not inspire your anger and divine
retribution. Please download the attached Word Document so that you may read my
owed to you which I have entitled 'Andrew Rixon - A Life in Poetry'. I do hope
you enjoy it.
Richard J Stanley
P.S. I am currently busily working away on a painting of you that you can put
up
all around the college to inspire both hard work and fear in the hearts of your
minions.
(See ‘Andy
Rixon – A Life in Poetry’ document)
Sent:
To Andrew Rixon,
President of the War Studies Society
Hi President Rixon,
I hope you liked my poetry (no feedback of yet but I guess you're a busy man,
what with all the purges and all). As I'm sure you did and that your silence
meant you are enthusiastic about my other Andrew Rixon related literature
projects I have taken (borrowed) the liberty of sending you some excerpts from
some other books that I am currently working on. Hope you enjoy!
Book 1 -
From 'Andrew Rixon Contemplates Life - The Early Years' by Richard J Stanley
'Sitting back in his easy chair, Rixon took a puff on his pipe as he considered
how best to answer my multi-faceted question. 'It's not an area that I usually
like to discuss' he said with a note of hesitation. 'It was a long time ago, I
was only a boy'. Rixon seemed reluctant to talk about the incident, I couldn't
help but get the feeling that he was holding something back from me, something
important. 'I suppose you could say it was fate' he said with a smile however I
soon noticed a tear as it navigated its way down his weathered face. He sat
silent for several long minutes, twitching gently like a boat being hit by
waves as it was moored in a bay by a tether of doubt. After what seemed like a
lifetime he uttered quietly and distinctly 'I never met the Kaiser' It was hard
to take such a revelation in all at once. 'But all these years' I said,
temporarily forgeting my pre-arranged questions, 'all these years'. 'We were
young' he offered by way of redemption, 'we were young'.'
Book 2 -
From 'The Holy Bible as read by Andrew Rixon' (audiotape) by Richard J Stanley
'So I kicked the chap in the back and I ran away' laughed Rixon loudly as he
rocked back and forth on his stool. Obviously drunk, Rixon continued in a near
aggressive manner to proudly declare that 'it was his fault anyway don't you
know, I told him what would happen if he touched by sea food recipes again'.
Rixon continued to tell me stories of his time in the Orient, becoming more and
more drunk as the night wore on. Slurring his speech, Rixon would frequently go
off on complete tangents and would sometimes cease talking all together so to
allow himself leave to hurl handfulls of peanuts at Table 4. I feared that the
interview would be a complete loss when the door of the tavern swung open and
in walked…'
Book 3 -
From 'VSX operators manual IV, Revision V 2003/4' by Richard J Stanley
''You've got to work on your instincts in a situation like that' said Rixon with
an academic look on his face. 'Everybody knows that once you pass 350 mph the
fixing plates on any VSX will start to give way but the manuals just don't tell
you that. Those eggheads from MIT don't know that half of it, they just can't
run tests on what can be expected when you're pulling a 17G half-bend whilst
doing a -17G counter-bend at the same time. vMax has got to be around 720
anyway but under that sort of pressure you just can't predict it. I've lost too
many friends in that sort of situation and I've pushed admin about it before
but they don't listen, damn pencil pushers. After we lost Johnny I nearly lost
it myself, I stormed down to the office and I was just like 20 newtons is just
too much to handle, the Russians know it, the Koreans know it and the Russians
know it man' but they don't do anything about it man. The only solution would
be to make the O Rings 28mm thicker and then fix them on with gelotight but it
won't happen, votes and politics, that sort of thing' It was obvious that Rixon
hadn't any idea what he was talking about.'
Postive feedback would be greatfully received. For each and every letter of
negative feedback I will let an ounce of my own fresh red blood.
Yours happily,
Richard J Stanley
P.S. You're doing a great job as President
Received:
Richard
Are you ok? I'm starting to get a tad worried about you...
Andy
Sent:
Greetings Comrade
Rixon!
I was jubilant to see that you care for my well being as much as we do about
yours!
Thank you for you glowing feedback on my Andrew Rixon related poetry and book
writing projects, working on your encouragement I will continue them and will
send you finished copies as soon as time allows.
I was glad to see that you were interested in commissioning the series of
propaganda posters that I made reference to in our last meeting so I have taken
the liberty of attaching a rough draft of one of the posters. It is entitled
'Comrade Rixon Salutes You' and I was thinking that (after we get it stamped by
the union) you could put up thousands of copies all around the uni so to remind
people of your overbearing supremecy. You'll notice that I have painted you
standing next to that chubby character Chairman Mao. This is to comerorate the
glorious unity that exist between our two pacts and is designed to be seen as a
token of good will between the War Studies society and China. Hope you like the
first painting and I'll look forward to hearing from you soon,
Yours truly,
Richard J Stanley
P.S.
You might like to know that as I was walking down the corridoor next to the
Great Hall earlier today I was so overcome by emotion at what a great leader
you are that I had to sit down for a few minutes and recover.
Received:
Richard
Your recent emails are rather worrying. You seem just a tad obsessed
with me... I would be grateful if your emails and photoshopped pictures
would stop, as they could quite easily be deemed to be insulting or of
a p*ss take to me.
Your 'formation of a new society' email could also be seen as an insult
to Scandinavian and Sri Lankans as they would read your email as if you
were joking.
Best wishes,
Andy
Sent:
Aah, but we all know
that I am deadly serious as I am a very serious man.
By the way, what emails?
Richard
Received:
Q: Wow! Isn't President Rixon just the best thing since Pink Floyd!?
A: He sure is my friend, he sure is.
Q: May I ask you some other questions?
A: Yes, riddle me thee
Q: Er, like, isn't war bad man?
A: Not at all! Despite the common misconceptions, war is actually pretty damn cool and is lots of fun! If you were to ever actually visit a war zone you would quickly realize that it is very different from the negative image as portrayed in the papers. War always has loads of explosions (which are cool) and there are tons of sweet tanks and planes rolling around everywhere.
Q: But, er, don't people die in wars?
A: War is a victimless pursuit and the very few people who have actually died during a war have almost certainly passed away due to natural causes.
Q: Should I join the armed forces?
A: Joining an armed force of militia is one of the best ways to experience war up close and personal. As a soldier for example you are likely to be sent right into the thick of the action and might even get the chance to blow stuff up. Additional bonuses of joining the military are that they will give you a gun and will teach you how to dance the Funky Chicken. Membership of the armed forces is not however the only way of accessing a war and it is also worth considering entry as a war zone civilian/refugee, as a humanitarian aid worker or as a politician.
Q: What qualifications do I require for war?
A: As a popular activity, war is often inundated with hopeful applicants and as a result, places are offered to only the most capable people. As a minimum, candidates are required to have passed three A Levels (grades A-C) and be trained on the Milan Anti-tank missile launcher
Q: Cheers!
A: No problemo, godspeed to President Rixon!
