Title: The Man Behind the Curtain 
Author: shawntaw 
Feedback makes me happy at shawntaw@hotmail.com 

Rating: PG 
Disclaimer: I don't own them or have any claim to them whatsoever. I 
only wish I was that clever... 

Dedication: To everyone who had anything to do with the 
characterizations (especially Mulder) in "Grotesque." Man, AWESOME.... 

Summary: More is revealed to Scully than Mulder would like as their 
relationship and trust for one another continues to deepen.... 

Note: Forgive me for taking a break from the "Happiness" series, but - 
Whoa. I just saw "Grotesque" (Season 3) for the first time ever and 
I am just blown away! As some of you may or may not be aware, I came 
into this whole X-Files thing rather late. I asked for nothing else 
for Christmas from anyone but X-Files DVDs. To my utter shock, 
(because of their cost), I received Seasons 1, 3, and 4 from 
different relatives! I haven't been this excited about gifts since I 
was a kid!! I haven't seen some of these episodes in ages!! I had 
NEVER seen "Grotesque." 

It makes me weep how good the show used to be and what it is now. 
Don't get me wrong, it isn't HORRIBLE now, but it used to be 
AMAZING! And I don't blame the actors, they're very good. I blame 
the writing and the excessive amount of plot lines that CC has left 
dangling never to be resolved or addressed again. 

Anyway, I wanted you to know where this came from so suddenly...Enjoy. 

Also, fifty points if you can tell me what the title refers to...:) 
There's a BIG hint in the story... 

This takes place IMMEDIATELY after the scene where we hear Mulder's 
voice calling for an ambulance for Patterson... 
***************************************************** 

Mulder finished making the call to 9-1-1 and then collapsed onto the 
dirty concrete beneath him from where he was perched precariously 
squatting on the balls of his feet. 

He had to get out of here. He knew that. The ambulance would be 
here soon, followed closely by cops and F.B.I. There would be 
questions. Questions he wasn't sure he knew quite how to answer. 

Mulder shook his head. It had happened again. Just as it had 
happened all those years ago when he worked under Patterson at the 
ISU - He had gone too deep. 

He became aware of Scully's gaze on him from where she knelt beside 
Patterson's motionless body. 

Mulder did not look up at her, but kept his gaze averted. A knot of 
nausea lodged in his throat but he wouldn't allow it to go any 
further. 

He had especially not wanted Scully to see him like this. 

His body began to tremble from shock. When was the last time he ate? 
Drank anything? Slept without nightmares? 

He levered himself unsteadily to his feet and paused a moment to 
stabilize himself. 

"Mulder?" Scully's voice was alarmed and soft. 

His eyes squeezed shut in pain. She felt pity for him; he could hear 
it in her voice. At least it wasn't scared and concerned suspicion 
anymore. 

She had actually allowed herself to believe, if only for a moment, 
that he could have killed someone. Gone off the deep-end. 

Mulder knew he was pathetic. He had always harbored this horrible 
side of himself since the years at ISU. He was pathetic and sad and 
perhaps a bit mad, but this had always been his own secret hell. 

Now, Scully knew. 

Oh, he knew that jokes were made about "Spooky" Mulder at the Bureau, 
but he also knew that they were mostly that - jokes. Jokes made 
because of his unorthodox beliefs and approaches. Jokes made because 
of the solitary nature that kept him a mystery to his co-workers. 

But, the majority of the people he worked with had no real idea about 
the years he spent with Patterson. Only a few remained that had 
actually witnessed the spiralling downfall of his sanity during his 
profiling years. 

Only one man he actually worked with in his present life (as he 
thought of it) had seen the after-effects of what that job had done 
to him. 

And Skinner had never alluded once to the mess Mulder had been when 
he had come under his supervision. 

After Mulder had come back from his nervous breakdown, (entered as 
a "long vacation" in his file) he had retreated to his new obsession 
in the basement and tried to hide from the visions that sometimes 
still plagued his dreams at night. 

Diana, the woman with whom he'd discovered the discarded and dusty 
files, tried to stay at first. She tried to be there for him, help 
him recover from his time in Hell. 

But, at last, he chased her away and was alone. 

Which he had wanted. 

He had been tired of pity and tired of being looked at and spoken too 
like a crazy child. 

After a while, people began to forget about his time at the ISU and 
began ostrasizing him for his "out-there" beliefs. 

And that suited him just fine. 

The "Spooky" moniker stopped meaning "able to crawl into sicko's 
minds and think like them" and began to mean "believes in little 
green men and other paranormal unlikelihoods." 

He felt Scully walk up behind him and her movement snapped him back 
to the present. 

"Mulder?" came her inquiry again, this time accompanied by a slight 
touch on his arm. 

He flinched. Why did this have to happen in front of Scully? He had 
never wanted to be like this again...NEVER...never...never...never... 

The word repeated over and over in his brain until he shook his head 
to free it. 

He heard sirens in the distance. 

"I've got to go," he said, hoarsely, still not turning to face Scully. 

Mulder knew he should explain further, but simply didn't know how. 

Scully's warm hand left his arm. 

"Mulder," she sounded confused and concerned as though she was unsure 
of her footing in this situation, "maybe you should let a doctor take 
a look at you." 

"I'll be fine," he said, staring at the glow of the approaching 
emergency vehicles. He had been right. An ambulance and two...no, 
three law enforcement vehicles were heading this way. He wondered if 
one of them were F.B.I... 

"I just need..time," Mulder said, mostly to himself, "I've been here 
before. I just need time." 

"Please look at me," Scully pleaded. She must be really worried, he 
thought, she never pleads or begs for anything. 

Unable to resist her entreaty, he turned. The sirens screamed in the 
near distance, his time to escape shortening. 

He took a moment before he lifted his gaze to meet hers, afraid to 
see the pity in her eyes. 

When he did finally meet her piercing gaze, he found his breath taken 
away. 

Love and concern for his well-being shined from her as she regarded 
him from head to toe. 

Had anyone else in his entire life ever cared for him as much as 
Scully seemed to? Did she even realize what a gift it was to matter 
to someone? 

With her large, loving family, he doubted she ever gave it much 
thought. 

Considering for a moment, Scully stepped forward and placed a gentle 
hand on his stubble-roughened cheek. 

"I don't really understand what happened during this case, Mulder, 
but I'll come to your apartment later and check you over, o.k.?" 

A tear escaped down his cheek. He felt its heat trail down his face 
and drop from his chin. 

She would allow him to walk away without explanation. Lick his 
wounds in private. Gather his senses back around him from where they 
had been flung open like the Wizard's curtains. 

"Ignore that man behind the curtain"... 

She was giving him this. 

Before Mulder could thank her, blue and red lights began to play 
across their features. 

He squinted once in their direction, and then turned and began 
running back into the shadows. 

He didn't see Scully standing there watching his black trenchcoat 
flutter about him like a dark angel's wings as the darkness swallowed 
him. 

********************************************************************** 

Ooooo, I was just SO fascinated by "dark" Mulder.....