Title: Genesis Author: shawntaw Spoilers: Pretty much the whole series. This is post "The Truth." Which is funny, because I've been avoiding reading post "The Truth" fic because I was worried it would be depressing... Rating: G Summary: Mulder contemplates some of the BIG questions of Life... Dedicated to Teresa, whom I inadvertently forgot to thank in the last installment of the "Happiness" series. You have always consistantly given me feedback on my stories and I have always looked forward to your e-mails and appreciated them!:) ******************************************************************************** Mulder was lying in bed, holding Scully as she slept. He stared at the ceiling of the dingy motel room and watched the shifting shadows as his mind wandered. *endoftheworldendofeverythingcan'tbelievesofastwhatcanwedoohmysonall gonnadiescullyscully..* His mind was racing with activity. It was impossible to rest; in fact he wondered how Scully managed it. He looked down at where she was curled against him and smiled softly with affection, rubbing her arm with his hand. She murmured something unintelligible in her sleep and nuzzled him. She always could sleep anywhere, in any situation. He suspected this was her way of escaping and recharging, but that could just be the psychologist in him working overtime. He sighed and let his mind drift into that stream of consciousness that it travels to in between wakefulness and sleep. He found himself recalling the Bible. Genesis, to be exact, although he knew that he wasn't quoting word for word in his reminiscence - only hitting the high points in his exhausted state. God made Man, but didn't want him to be alone. So, he made him a helpmate. And he used the rib from Adam's side so that the woman would be his partner. She would not be smashed under his foot, not placed on a pedestal, but would be a helpmate by his side. Helpmate. Partner. By his side. Mulder looked again at Scully. Yes, this is exactly how he saw her, although she might accuse him of occasionally placing her upon that pedestal or in an ivory tower..whichever metaphor she prefered. He realized that he was actually considering the validity of the Bible for the first time and had to resist the urge to laugh aloud. Fox Mulder - devoted agnostic - was actually beginning to consider the existance of God. A higher being that watched over his Creation with love and concern, like a father might. He remembered how he had held Scully's cross in his fingertips and allowed for the existance of hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. At that moment, he believed in miracles because that is what it would take to get mankind out of this situation. Or, at least, he HOPED for a miracle.....and that was a start, wasn't it? Scully had softly smiled at him at that moment, the moment of the birth of Mulder's tender faith in a God he had rejected for most of his life. She had seen the very tenative, trembling step he had made on a very long journey of faithfulness. He still hadn't decided whether or not he wanted to believe. Another harsh chuckle bubbled in Mulder's chest and he swallowed it, not wanting to wake the slumbering woman in his arms. Fox Mulder was deciding whether or not he wanted to believe?! How far he had come... Mulder shook his head at himself and his contradictory nature. If only Man were simple. *But that is what will make us so hard to conquer*, Mulder thought ahead to the alien invasion. *Our complexity. Our contrariness. We are not neat and tidy and easily predictable. We will not be easy to destroy. We will fight. In any way we can.* A taste of wet saltiness on his lips surprised him. He was silently crying. *We will fight*, he thought. *For mankind. For us, Scully, for us.* He squeezed his partner - his helpmate - and she roused enough to mutter to him and pat him reassuringly. "I'm right here, Mulder. It's o.k." He clenched his jaw and tried not to sob aloud and wake her further. *She'll be beside me through it all, and we'll fight. Oh, we'll fight, Scully. For us. For mankind. For our son. Our son. mysonmysonmysonmysonmyson...* Mulder's mind took on a new mantra and he found himself wondering what his son was doing at that moment. He had to abruptly break that train of thought as he felt the anxiety bubble in his chest. That way lay madness. Was he being treated well? Had dark forces tracked him down anyway and killed him? Would he ever know how much his mother and father loved him and had wanted him? That his mother had given him up to give him a chance? He had to forcefully stop thinking about their son. He had to. This thinking wouldn't help matters any; it would only make him weak. And now he had to be strong. For himself. For his son. For the world, no matter how grandiose that may sound, and for Scully. They would have to find away out of this. They would HAVE to. But a little help never hurt... Mulder began to tenatively pray, something he had only done a few times since Samantha's abduction. He had prayed for her return and she had not come back. Then he had prayed that his parents would stop fighting and not get a divorce. They divorced. He had prayed for a better relationship with each of them after a huge fight with his father. Both parents shut him out. Mulder had stopped praying at this point, deciding that there was no one there to listen. But, years later, he prayed again after a particularly trying case had reminded him of Samantha's abduction. He still remembers kneeling in the small church and praying "PleasepleasepleasebringherbackI'lldoanythingI'llbegoodIpromise" the same way he'd done when he was a boy of twelve. He had never been to that church before, he just passed it everyday on his way to work. And after that night, he never went back either. He swore off praying. He would never make a fool out of himself like that again, no siree... Then Scully was abducted. Mulder had considered this PROOF that there was no higher power. He ranted and raved. He shouted and swore. How could this happen? How could this happen?!! Not Scully..not Scully... One night, he even put his gun in his mouth. What was the use? Scully was the first person to care about him - REALLY care about the REAL him - in years...maybe ever. And the saddest thing was that Mulder hadn't realized how vital she had become to him until she was gone. He'd never get to tell her. He'd never get to tell her that he had discovered that he loved her. She had taught him to love. He had lusted plenty, but Scully had shown him he could LOVE someone. Cherish them. Need them and TRUST them. So, he put his gun in his mouth...and got the call saying she'd been returned. That call saved his life in more ways than one. And for the first time, he fell into a weeping heap in the middle of his apartment and thanked God. Ohthankyouohthankyouscullymyscullythankyouthankyou... He then prayed at her bedside for her to come out of her coma. ..and she did. This stunned Mulder, but he shoved it to the back recesses of his mind. The agnostic in him shouted, "Coincidence!" The last time Mulder had prayed was when Scully lay dying of cancer. ..and the miracle came in the form of Skinner. Mulder REFUSED to give credit to the horrible smoke shrouded devil whom Skinner had practically sold his soul to, choosing instead to place credit at the feet of his and Scully's protector..their boss and, now, their trusted friend. For the first time, Mulder considered. Had GOD sent him Scully to make his mission more bearable? To be his helpmate, his partner, on this ultimate mission - to save the world? That sounded so melodramatic, but was it true? Had HE sent them Skinner and The Gunmen as fellow soldiers in this battle? Mulder was still pondering the origins of the universe and Man and the point of it all when he finally drifted to sleep. ******************************************************************************** Next - "Exodus".... feedback makes me happy at shawntaw@hotmail.com :)