In the distance, huge thunderclouds loomed on the horizon. Paige had seen a lot of storms in her 17 years, and this one looked to be as bad as any she had previously encountered. The kind of storm that slapped other storms around, and took their lunch money. That's what kind of storm this was. Nonetheless, storm or no storm, today was the day Paige was supposed to stand on the roof of her house holding up the television antenna. You see, the Snicklebocker family took time about holding up the antenna, and today, of all days, was Paige's day to do just that. True, it would of been much safer to have the antenna securely fastened down by some means, but the holding of the antenna had become a test of skill of sorts, one that even the bravest of medieval warrirors would of been proud to partake. Also, they were really stupid.

Some would of been afraid to do what young Paige was about to do, but she was determined to stand there with all the determination of a really determined person. Determinedly, her determination would determine the determinatory fluid in the determination meter, which determined the determinedest of all determined folk.Can I get a what what? No? Well, screw you then. Ah yes, Paige was determined. And so she ascended to the top of her house, using methods previously only witnessed by nature documentary-makers covering the various treefrogs of the world. Yes, it was true that her various limbs did contain that sticky stuff that doth do the sticking, oh so well.

And so, it wasn't long after climbing to the top of her roof, that the storm rained down upon her. And rain it did, for what seemed to be days, was only minutes. But what started out as rain, quickly became hail, and the wind picked up tremendously. Suddenly, a tornado dropped down right on top of Paige, and flung her about in the air. She spun around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around, and around. (There was a lot of spinning)

During the course of all this spinning, she blacked out, and after having several disturbing nightmares about Richard Simmons wearing a thong and yodelling about his favorite pair of socks, she awoke to find herself inside her house, completely abandoned. However, everything wasn't exactly as she left it. Stepping outside revealed that she was, in fact, not in Sri Lanka anymore. She was in a strange place, a colorful place, a happy place. A place that looked like someone had eaten a lot of crayons and vomitted them everywhere. Mostly because, she had in fact, eaten a lot of crayons and vomitted them everywhere. For it was custom, in her family, at least, to devour crayons when you visit a new place.

"Heehee!" squealed a giant rabbit that hopped in her general direction. "My name is Alan, and I ain't go no smarts!" continued the bunny. "Ah, do not mind him..", stated a stately figure standing just to their right side, "He was created in a lab, by old Doc Freddyfoo. You see, the good doctor meant well, but he neglected to put a brain in the creature, opting instead to grant him with a bunch of cedar chips wrapped in aluminum foil. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but, poor thing, sometimes he wanders around aimlessly and humps shrubbery."finished the figure. "Pickles make me happy!" chirped alan, with a goofy grin on his face. "Yes, well, I am the good weeatch of the north, and you must be Paige." added the figure. "Why, ye..yes, I am, How did you know that?" Paige said, with a bit of fear in her voice. "It's on your name tag" answered the good weeatch. "Oh, YEAH, this ol' thing. Silly me.Well, tell me, good weeatch, how do I get out of this place, and get back home?" asked Paige.

"There is one..who may be able to help you... but the journey there, will be a perilous one, filled with many dangers, and several cameo appearances by members of 1970's supergroup, Poison" said the weeatch. "Oh..my..god..I hate them..I hate them with my very soul.." said Paige with a frown. "But I warn you now, evil lurks in our peaceful little place. It comes in the form of Satan, and his apprentice, Carson Daly.. and it is quite unfortunate that your house seems to have fallen on his brother, Steve Daly.." the weeatch said. Paige then glanced over to see the head and upper torso of the unfortunate Steve Daly protruding from under her house. Paige had seem many a corpse under her house, but there was something pecuilar about this particular corpse..something..maybe even magical. And the magicalness, my dear friends, came in the form of a very special grill in his mouth. With a wave of the weeatch's wand, and a stamp of her feet, and an elaborate welsh polka dance, the grill suddenly disappeared from the recently deceased and appeared in young Paige's mouth. "This grill.." began the weeatch, "will protect you. Wear it proudly, lady paige. Wear it proudly."

Suddenly, the good times, and rock and roll were interrupted (yes, there was too rock and roll, and if you didn't just assume that without me mentioning it, then I just don't know what kind of person you are.) by the appearnce of the unholy one..yes, that's right..Carson Daly. "Who dares kill my favorite brother, STEVE?" Carson asked with a hiss. "umm...me sir, but I assure you it was an accident.." said Paige with a slight whimper. Carson frowned. "I shall now attack you with my horrible jokes and incredibly bad timing..MUHAHAHAHA..." Carson chortled. "Knock, knock" he began. "....Who's there?" asked the unwilling Paige. "Paris Hilton is a ho! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" yelled Carson. "This is..too much..my god..he's..he's horrible..Listen fool, she has the grill, you cannot harm her..And while she is here, in my good weeatchydom, you have no power, anyways" stated the good weeatch. "Very well.." replied Carson, "but I'll get you my pretty, and your little..umm..retarded..bunny thing..too". "Armadillos are furry!" squealed Alan with delight. "Yes, well, maybe so, but for now...farewell" Carson said as he disappeared in a puff of horrific smoke. Not so much because the smoke itself was horrific, but because he did it, and he's just really icky.

"So what of this person, you were telling me about, that may be able to help me?" asked Paige, her mouth gleaming with the shine of a new grill. "Ah yes, the weezard.. He knows all. He will be able to help you, and your mentally deficient bunny. All you must do to reach him, is follow the bloody entrails path... I keed, I keed. Just follow the marshmallowly cottoncandy trail... The one paved with human skulls." said the good weeatch. "Sounds like a plan to me" said Paige with an octagonal smile. Octagonal because her head was deformed.

And so their adventure began. The journey to reach the all-knowing weezard to get Paige back home, and Alan mental help. Suddenly, and without warning, Alan burst into nonsensical song..

"Fleemjab flajoinkin gahloo, gahloo

gamort gamort, feefob, to you, to you!

chacka chacka fleem fagoo, fagoo

weerza, weerza, wachoo, wachoo!

derknot faggle skweebmoo, skweebmoo

pertmorb fahjerm derphoo, derphoo

and these are the many ways that I smell you"

Paige was not amused, she just stared at Alan, puzzled. "I'm starting to not like you." said Paige with the look of a deranged beaver. But, just like that, all was forgiven, and they went arm and arm, skipping, singing"follow the marshmallowly cottoncandy trail paved with human skulls, follow the marshmallowly cottoncandy trail paved with human skulls, follow, follow, follow, follow the marshmallowly cottoncandy trail paved with human skulls! If ever, o' ever, a weez, there was, the weezard that knows all is him, because..because, because, because, because of the things that we assume could possible be somewhat helpful to us he does!" Yeah, well, it kinda had a ring to it, if you had the right music accompanying it. Unfortunately, the right music hasn't been invented yet.

Nonetheless, slighty horrendous lyrics and all, the duo made their way along the marshmallowly (which isn't a word, by the way) cottoncandy trail paved with human skulls. After walking for about a mile, or at least a few feet, our hapless heroes found themselves face to face with a sign which read "to the leezard". "I wonder if maybe that's some kind of misspelling, and this is the way to go?" asked paige. Alan just smiled, flailed his arms about frantically, and laid a fresh clutch of spider eggs in a nearby log. He smiled a happy bunny smile as he did so.

Not knowing any better, Paige decided to head toward this "leezard". For, in her mind, at least, where there's a leezard, there must be a weezard. Strangely enough, she later found out in life that, where there's a horse, there must be a man wearing a homeade yoda costume. Facts to live by, facts to live by. Not too far down the road, they stumbled upon a small house which read "Leezard Shack". "This must be the place!" Paige said, enthusiastically.

The old man that stumbled out of the shack smelled of rutabagas and cauliflower. Probably because he was wearing a vest made of cauliflower. The rutabagas, well, I can't explain. "I understand you've came to buy some plastic earrings" the old man asked, while waving his fist furiously at some unseen force. "Um, no sir, actually we're searching for the all knowing weezard" Paige replied. "Hmm, this is most perplexing" the old man responded, as he defecated into a small sack labeled "Human". "You see, I am the weezard" continued the old man, "And I know of what you seek. You wish to go home, but alas, there is but one way, to get there, you must kill Carson Daly. Well, technically, I could send you home right now, but that guy is just really annoying." he finished.

And so, Paige and Alan did what they had to do. They found the nearest mirror, turned out the lights, and repeated into it "Carson Daly, Carson Daly, Carson Daly". And with that, Mr. Daly appeared. He was not amused. Probably because Paige had seen fit to greet him by driving a wooden stake through his heart. He collapsed in a heap, wirthing in pain, and parted with these words:"I'm not a vampire, you idiots, was that really necessa...r.....euuaaghhhh" And so, it was done. Paige was sent home, and Alan was sent where all mentally deficient forest creatures are sent, to star in the next Jackass movie.