"Hey alan, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure, Frasier, what seems to be the problem?"

"Well see, it's like this.I want to maim you like no other. I want to see you as a limbless torso with no will to live."

"And the thing is, good buddy, I'm really too lazy to do it, so I'd appreciate it if you'd decapitate yourself with a blade of grass, and we'll call it a smashingly fabulous day."

"Umm..no.."