Title: A Thin Line..
Author: cherry vanilla
Fandom: Almost Famous
Pairing: Russell Hammond/Jeff Bebe
Status: NEW, Complete 10/15/2000
Rating: Adult
Series/sequel: no
Summary: When does anger transcend into passion? And when do you realize what's right in front of you?
Spoilers: For the WHOLE movie. I'm not joking here. Don't read unless you really wanna be spoiled.
Notes: The majority of this was taken exactly from the film. The only expectations are the inner thoughts, and two scenes, which I think you'll all be able to figure out.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or some of the dialogue used. They belong to the incredible Cameron Crowe who I am in awe over.
**But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen**
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
The T-shirts were the catalyst. The straw that broke the camel's back, if you will. The moment was a tense one for everyone as Dick opened the box to reveal Russell in the front while the rest of the band, was behind him, not to mention *out* of focus.
"It's the record company's mistake and they *will* pay! Ok, T-shirt's gone. Band happy, alright?"
Russell glanced at Jeff, knowing what they were about to get into. He tried one desperate resort, in attempts to skip the melodrama.
"Can we just skip the vibe and just go straight to laughing about this?"
"Yeah, ok." The sarcasm was undoubtably noticeable.
"Cause I can see by your face, you wanna get into it."
"How can you tell, I'm just one of the out of focus guys!"
"Ok, let's take a look at this, alright? See, you love this T-shirt. It let's you everything you want it to say."
"Well it speaks pretty *loudly*."
"It's a..*T-shirt!*" Russell turned to Larry. "Do you give a shit about a T-shirt?"
"I just wanna eat man, let's go get some barbeque."
That's Larry for ya. So deep.
Jeff's continuing tirade brought his attention back.
"I've always been telling the truth. From the very beginning we said I'm the front man and you're the guitarist with mystique! That's the dynamic we agreed on! Page/Plant, Mick/Keith. Suddenly it's all turning around. We have got to control what's happening! There's a responsibility here!"
"*Excuse me*, but didn't we all get into this to *avoid* responsibility?"
"I can't say anymore with the writer here!"
"Oh no, no, no, no, no. You can trust him; say what you want. He won't write it."
"I work as hard or harder than anyone on that stage. You know what I do? I connect. I get people off! I look for the one guy that *isn't* getting off, and I *make* him get off. Actually, *that* you can print!"
Jeff stepped close to where Russell was sitting and leaned in, their faces inches apart, eyes deliberately connecting. "And yet, why do I always end up feeling like I'm a *joke* to you?"
He backed away and continued wildly. "Look, you wanna pretend this isn't going to be a very big band, well it is! You call yourself a leader of this band, but your direction allowed this T-shirt when you allowed Dick to manage us. Because he was *your* friend! Don't you see, man, the T-shirt is *everything*!
"Is it my turn now? Cause I think we should for *once*, say what we feel."
"Oh, this is the part where *you* quit!"
"Right, I'm so predicable."
"Deal with it! And let me just say what nobody else wants to say.."
"WHAT?!"
"..your looks have become a problem!"
After Jeff stormed out in the most dignified way he could muster, William sported a 'what the hell?' look and the rest of the band just shook their heads.
Russell, however, stood there dumbstruck.
"*What?*" He whispered to himself, reading into the comment the way no one else would think to; knowing his friend like the back of his hand. Everyone started to scatter, while Russell's body filled with anger, regret, frustration, and confusion all at once. He paced back and forth, grinding out curses, then called William back, needing to get away. To be with the one person that had nothing to do with this showbiz way of life.
Needing to be anywhere Jeff was not.
Afraid of what he'd do otherwise.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&
*The next day*
The knock to the hotel door startled him. "Go away!"
The unwelcome visitor chose not to listen, and eased the door open anyway. Russell lifted his heavy eyes just as Jeff entered. He'd have expected it to be William with another attempt for an interview and for once was disappointed it wasn't. He'd rather see anyone right now then the man before him.
"What do you want?" Came the groan.
"Just wanna say I'm glad you're alright, man. We were all worried, you know." Jeff's voice was strangely subdued. All last night he'd brooded in his room, and then was overwhelmed with worry when he'd heard Russell had done something as stupid as going to a party and getting doped up on acid. When he'd gotten on the bus, Jeff wanted to go to him, had to control the urge. So he just sat and watched, with a miserable expression on his face. No doubt Polixia had stared at him, wondering what was going on in that head of his.
//You don't wanna know, honey.//
Jeff yielded the morose thoughts and concentrated on the scene before him.
"Uh-huh. Worried for the guy that thinks he's better than everyone else and you can't stand?"
"Look, you wanna have this out again, let's do it..otherwise we're just gonna keep going around in circles."
"Since when did *you* become the calm one, Jeff?" Russell spat out, anger causing him to rise. "I go off and get fucked up on acid and suddenly you decide to step in as Mr. logical, Mr. Self-righteous?"
"Well *someone* around here has to be. Logical, that is." His words were hard and unyielding.
Their eyes met and locked, glaring with all the unspoken words that have been simmering just below the surface for so long and finally starting to seep out, like molten lava from a volcano. "Come on, man. Let's hear it. Seems we're both more ourselves once the honesty comes out."
"You're a fucked up, self-centered, self-righteous, yes *you*; not me...not to mention egotistical, motherfucking bastard."
The last words were falling from his lips just as Russell lunged. They slammed backwards together, Jeff against the wall, Russell against Jeff.
"You asshole," he grated out.
"Aww, you can do better than that man! You're Russell Fucking Hammond! All mighty songwriter/guitarist." Each word dripped with heavy sarcasm.
"You're an amateur, Jeff. You haven't changed or grown at all since we started this band as kids. When are you ever gonna wake up."
"Get your hands off of me."
"I don't wanna fight with you, man."
"Funny, I'm not getting that impression. Let go." Jeff tried to shake him off but he wouldn't move.
"Half of last night is a blur. Well, all of last night at the party is a blur. And before that..I can remember the T-shirts and us getting pissed. There was something at the end though..something that got me so mad or frustrated that I had to do what I did."
"Russell, let it go man, ok? Better yet, let *me* go."
"What did you say?"
"Something that was meant to receive the flippant response it did."
"Say it, or I won't move."
Jeff glared at him, then looked away in resignation. He forced his eyes back to his friend's face, not wanting to show weakness for one minute. "Your looks have become a problem."
"That was it."
Silence ticked by. The air filling with an ominous presence..both either too oblivious or to defiant to realize what it could be.
"For who."
"Fuck off, man."
Russell pushed harder against him, giving Jeff no way of possible escape. Their anger still present, but allowing arousal to filter it's way through. Neither could deny the tightness in their groins that were now rocking together in a slow, almost unconscious rhythm.
Violence and passion.
Each on the same wavelength.
A thin line between them both.
As with love and hate.
"Who, Jeff? Who did you mean when you said it? Not Penny. Not the fans. Not the god damn fucking T-shirt manufactures. Who. Who have my looks become a problem for?"
"Me, you fucking asshole! Alright? I want you. That what you wanted to hear? You all happy now? Jesus *Christ* I hate you." Jeff shoved him away with all his might, and Russell allowed it, only to grab him a second later, molding to the singer's body and attacking his mouth with crushing force.
Jeff gave up all pretense of trying to fight it. There was no point. Russell would always win. Always get his way. As much as this was one of the things he couldn't stand about him, it was also one of the ones he admired most; envied.
Their tongues battled for dominance, each wanting control; power. In a way, kissing was like performing. The feel of their beards scrapping together was unfamiliar but not unpleasant. The roughness of it somewhat representing the situation fittingly. Russell had him back against the wall again. His mouth leaving a hot trail of saliva down his friend's face and neck where he paused to suckle the musky skin.
While busy at his task, and drinking in the sensations of Jeff hot and hard against him, one hand squeezing his ass as the other slid through his long hair, he fumbled for the 'do not disturb sign.' Somehow managing to hang it outside the door, while maneuvering Jeff along with him. The action left them pressed against the door.
Jeff was moaning loudly and the sounds were driving Russell crazy. Penny was so..well, girlish. Her gasps were sweet and arousing in their own way, but this..this was harsh, desperate, animalistic growling that Russell had to take his mouth again, just to shut him up, lest he come right there.
They kissed with less force this time, but not an ounce less passion. Jeff finally took some initiative and yanked Russell's shirt off along with his own, while pushing them toward the bed. They landed with a loud thump and actually started laughing together for the first time in a long time, it seemed. That soon dissipated as the fire reignited. Russell clawed at his back, fingers digging hard into the flesh. Jeff was positive there'd be scratches tomorrow but he didn't give a damn.
"Uhh..ah-uhh.." were the vocals emanating from Russell. Jeff took that as a sign to keep doing what he was doing, which at this moment was sucking his nipples. When he bit down, the cry of pleasure/pain was one he'd never imagined would come from Russell Hammond.
"Jesus..what..just what the fuck are we doing?" Russell asked in wonder, possibly to himself.
"Releasing our anger and frustrations?"
"Sounds good to me."
"I want you naked."
Russell's head rolled back and forth. "Just do it, Jeff."
A few minutes later, as he lay in the daze of hunger and need, he realized the task had been complete and then some; as Jeff now matched his state of undress. The contact of full skin on skin made him jump at first, then arch up for more. This felt so different, so *right* to be this way with Jeff. He couldn't imagine anyone else that he'd give up control to, give up *himself* to.
Leslie never brought out this spark, this overwhelming need and feel of completeness. And Penny. Penny made everything beautiful. Penny made the *world* look beautiful. And Russell knew if he'd allowed himself, he could fall in love with her, was already half way there; and yet, even with Penny..the familiarity, the..*comfort* of knowing someone so well, inside and out, was lacking. He knew Jeff better than he knew himself. And even scarier, he wanted Jeff more than he'd ever wanted anyone.
Their bodies began a furious rhythm, writhing against one another, mouths biting, hands grasping clumsily. Russell rolled them over so he was on top. He sat up, straddling his friend's body, Jeff gasped then followed. Now, seated, Russell on his thighs, legs around his waist they rocked harder, harsh cries leaving their mouths before they were captured again by two sets of demanding lips.
"Oh Russ..ah fuck."
"Harder..god do it.."
Jeff grasped their shafts with one hand and pumped steadily.
"Oh jesus..uh..uh..Jeff.."
"Let it go, man. Come on..now, now."
"yesss.."
Russell slumped onto him, their sweat slicked bodies falling back on mattress as they orgasmed together. Heavy breaths filled the air for long minutes, wet hands caressed overheated skin, and soft kisses were shared, very unlike all the previous ones. Perhaps it was the exhaustion, or perhaps the semi-conscious state of them both. Whichever, the question was, did the true feelings come out now, or before while they were aware of their actions?
Jeff stroked his best friend's long damp hair and pressed a kiss into it, positive that the young man was asleep. "I love you. But you can't know that. Too much shit between us. It's not worth it, Russell. We can be so much more than that. We can be huge. It's been our dream since we were kids. And god knows this wasn't part of the plan. I'll always remember tonight. It'll be enough for both of us. Besides, I know you. You're Russell Fucking Hammond and you sure as hell don't need Jeff Bebe. Let's both quit this pretense that you do."
After completing his whispered confession, Jeff rose and carefully collected his clothes, not wanting to see Russell when he woke. For once, he showed weakness. Knowing that what must be done, wouldn't be if he had to face his friend.
Moving quietly he slipped out the door, never noticing the blue eyes that had been open all along, turned away from him.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&
Within the next few days, the tensions between them grew. Russell threw himself at Penny and Jeff at Polixia. One drunken day they fucked their respective girls in the same room, angry eyes gazing at one another. The word betrayal hanging heavily in the air, remaining unspoken.
During concerts they managed to be civil and put on a front but that was all. In private they didn't speak, neither mentioning the one night of passion, or Jeff's departure. And in retrospect, Russell never let on that he knew of the singer's confession. If anyone noticed, they didn't say a word. New York came around, and Russell met up with Leslie, but his heart wasn't in it. Half missing Jeff, half missing Penny, and not knowing what to do about either. He felt bad for betraying Penny the way he did, but at the time felt like there was no other choice. You can't let your emotions control you in this business.
Then came the moment of revelations. The moment where they all felt death approaching as they left New York on the tiny plane and hit a storm. Russell started it by saying 'I love you all.' while sincerely hoping Jeff knew it to be true, fearing that they'd never get a chance to talk. So when Jeff said he slept with Leslie, it all went to hell. Even more so then everything already had.
Russell couldn't hold back. "You said you loved me."
Their was a brief flash of something in Jeff's eyes and then it was gone. And he was transformed into something cold and heartless.
"I don't love you, man. I never did. *None* of us love you..." The words he continued to spew out washed over Russell like a tidal wave, suffocating him to the point where he had to cry out and make him stop.
When the threat of death was lifted and one 'I'm gay' confession was out of the bag..
//Get in line, Ed.//
..Russell started to put things into perspective. He analyzed what his friend said, how he looked as he said it, and knew it was a defense mechanism. His way of saving himself from the pain of admitting love when he knew he was about to die.
Making a cover for himself and saying he loved Leslie instead.
And that scared the shit out of Russell.
Because now he had no doubts this was real. But could he handle it?
&*&*&*&*&*&
The next few weeks flew by: The band denying William's story; Russell dealing with the guilt over William, the longing for Penny and the agony of losing the most important person in his life do to fear.
Fear.
//Looks like you're not a 'Golden God' after all, man. Just plain human.//
Giving into the voice that told him to take the safe way out, he called Penny. The guitarist was amazed that she'd agreed to see him. The trip there was filled with nervousness and a constant questioning of his actions.
All the while, one figure with long dark hair danced in his mind each times his eyes slipped closed.
&*&*&*&*&*&
Sending Russell to William's house helped him in more ways than Penny would ever know. Talking to William about music, the *love* for music felt so right. It cleared his head. And somehow he knew everything would turn out ok; He'd get this band back on track. More importantly, it saved him from not make the mistake of getting back with Penny. They taught each other a lot about life and love but most of all they learned that some people aren't meant to be.
And some are. If you allow it.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&
It was opening night of the No Airplanes tour. And Russell Hammond was shaking. Not of stage fright but of what he was about to do before the show. He walked into the dressing lounge, relieved to find Jeff alone for once.
"Hey."
The singer turned slightly and gave a dispassionate greeting.
"As I've said before, I think we're more ourselves when we're honest."
"Gee, nothing gets by you."
"Jeff, cut the shit. I know that you know that *I* know what you said that night. The question is, was that the truth talking or was the stuff in the airplane the real thing. I already know the answer. I just want to hear you say it."
"Give me one reason why I should, Russ. Tell me what the fuck good is this going to do!"
"It'll earn you an 'I love you too'."
Jeff shook his head. "This is never gonna work. You realize that, don't you?"
"Maybe it will, maybe it won't. The point being that we'll face it, Jeff, instead of running away from it and pushing us to point where we can't even be friends. I may not always have you both ways, but I do need you at least one."
Jeff's expression went from serious to amused. "I'm sorry but did the great Russell Hammond just say he *needed* someone?"
Russell snickered and moved closer. "Not just someone. Jeff Bebe, 'the fucking lead singer', to quote the man himself."
"Important to get those quotes right," he whispered before brushing their lips together. The flutter of voices pulled them apart after a few seconds, as it was time for the show. Sharing a promising look, they took the stage.
During the set, it was just like old times. The laugher, thrill and excitement; the adrenaline rush. But there was a new dynamic thrown in. Something that the other band members couldn't describe as anything other than a connection between their guitarist and singer. For the first time, they shared the spotlight instead of competing in it.
At one point, Russell couldn't hold in his overwhelmed feeling of joy and leaned over to Jeff, throwing his arm around the man and kissing his temple. The answering smile was dazzling.
Everyone in the crowd that night knew they were watching history in the making.
But only two people could explain why.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
