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9.14.03:
Wow
it's been that long since the last update? Well with all of these
computer viruses going around I thought I'd just inform everyone of a few
more that the FCC has warned the public about. The
Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and
recounting. The
Clinton Virus - Gives you a 7-inch Hard Drive with NO memory. The
Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old
floppy. The
Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails
everyone about what it did. The
Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes. The
Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 300 Mb hard drive shrinks to 100 Mb, then slowly
expands to re-stabilize around 200 Mb. The
Jack Kevorkian Virus - Deletes all old files. The
Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't
care. The
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be
back. The
Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy . .
. then discards it through Windows.
6.28.03:
This
has been me the past few days at work. I need a change so I'm going
into Real Estate. I'll have my license with a month and a half. 
6.15.03: Quotes,
nothing but quotes about sex! "I
believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things
that money can buy."
-Tom Clancy
"Women
might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole
relationships."
-Sharon Stone
"You
know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me
neither."
-Steve Martin
"Having
sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better
have a good hand."
-Woody Allen
"There
are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
-Lynn Lavner
"According
to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of
men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are
too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-Robert De Niro
Leaving
sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the
taxidermist."
-Matt Barry
"Sex
at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
-Camille Paglia
"Sex
is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are
unimportant."
-George Burns
"Bisexuality
immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
-Rodney Dangerfield
"My
girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she's
reading."
-Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"I
saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it., so I said
"Thyroid problem?'"
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey
is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a
sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-Tiger Woods
"My
mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
-Jack Nicholson
Clinton
lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never
forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
-Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had
a sense of humor!)
"Ah,
yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
-Robin Williams
"Women
complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of
the month that I can be myself."
-Roseanne
"Women
need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-Billy Crystal
"There's
a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having
allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So
what's the problem?"
-Dustin Hoffman
"There's
very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm
doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
-Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead
of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just
give her a house."
-Rod Stewart
"See,
the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood
to run one at a time."
-Robin Williams
6.7.03: Does
this man look like me? 
not
the bald dude!
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