The world is in a hurry to label everything and everyone. It's certainly understandable how placing things into groups makes life much less complicated. Unfortunately, lumping people together creates stereotypes and people have a notorious way of defying stereotypes, especially within the "safe labels":
"Straight" - those attracted to their opposite gender
"Gay" - those attracted to their same gender
"Bi" - those attracted to both
And that's it, right?
When I was thirteen, I was attracted to other males around me, my age and younger. It was when I was fourteen that I began to think of myself as "gay". I liked looking at other boys, so I must be gay. When I was fourteen, those boys were my age and younger, many twelve and under. When I was fifteen and finally had access to the internet at home, I began to explore my "interests". I noticed that my interests seemed similar to young girls, with the exception that they were also attracted to older males. Through the wonder of search engines, I quickly discovered the "dark side" of what it meant to be "gay". I hadn't chosen to be attracted to boys, but I at least had a choice about who I became. Without being too graphic, let's just say that my original searches for the words "boys" and "pics" lead me to some porn sites for "gay men". What I saw was what I was afraid of becoming. And, needless to say, I learned how to tell if a site's content was really something that I was after before clicking on the link. So, at fifteen, I abandoned labels. They never really stuck anyway.
When I then began to build this site, people caught on to the fact that I didn't label myself and told me that my attractions were possibly a phase that I would most likely grow out of. Yet, I was fifteen and my attractions were nothing new. Needless to say, I didn't grow out of my attractions. I'm still not attracted to girls (not hormonally). When I was fifteen, I was attracted to boys fourteen and under, the same when I was sixteen and even seventeen. Today, that's still the case. I never grew out of my attractions. Few people ever do...
The world still tries to make things very simple. The "gay" males are attracted to other males their own age. If a real gay boy were attracted to men, that boy would be in danger. And, were a "gay" man attracted to boys, the man would again be the dangerous one. Even teenage boys attracted to younger, more innocent looking boys, becomes a threat, even if otherwise seen as a child. An 18 and 17 year old can't be attracted to each other. Yet, so seldom does the age that people are attracted to move specifically along with them. If you have hormonal attractions, but not for adults, you most likely never will be attracted to adults, even as one. Most "straight" adult males are still attracted to teenage girls along with the women they lusted over even as early teenagers. Thus, my attractions were "safe" at fifteen, but now they are a threat for the very reason that they have not changed. At eighteen, the "gay youth" who was attracted to boys becomes a "predator". The common belief is that someone like myself must have come about because of sexual abuse as a child, but Joey had his first major crush on a boy at five and he, just like so many others, was never abused and never will abuse. What changed? Nothing, and that's the problem...
"Gay" is a safe label only because it's an unrealistically created label for a fantasy society. People of any age can be attracted to adults, teenagers, or children. There are words for the latter two, but they hold very negative connotations. The average person has a combination of attractions, many times crossing age and gender barriers and most often defying the "safe labels". The same person could be attracted to blond boys of around 11 and brown haired girls of around 15 or visa versa and every other combination. Now, I don't want to start creating labels, but I would like to help people see other sides of themselves that they may not have seen and perhaps relieve their irrational fears. So, here goes...
Child Lovers - Those attracted to children (or that paart that holds that attraction in addition to other attractions) are often crazy, creative, or eccentric. They are almost universally shy and want something to hold and comfort. They often have "mothering" feelings, be it for a child or an animal. Almost universally this group (or this attraction) has the lowest sex drive of any other, in many cases barely any at all.
Teen Lovers - Those attracted to teens (or that attraaction) are more outgoing than child lovers, although they (or that attraction) are notorious for being boring. Their feelings are more "fatherly". Unlike child lovers of boys, teen lovers of boys don't desire estrogen filled boys, but are attracted to the emergence of testosterone during puberty. Their sex drive is significantly higher than a child lover (or that attraction). I'm attracted to both young boys and teenage boys, although I find my attractions to teens more hormonal and my attraction to children more emotional.
Adult Lovers - Those attracted to adults (or that attrraction) are generally the most outgoing of the three. They also have the highest sex drive of any other group (or attraction). This is the group that the stereotypical "gay male" would fit into, being very expressive and having a ridiculously high sex drive. Whereas teen lovers of boys may often want a boy with some muscles but a boyish face, adult lovers would want a real man. How nauseating, but that's just me.
I'm not saying that I suddenly agree with labels (although things interestingly always seem to work out in groups of three when they are labeled), but you can see that every time labels are broken down to even smaller labels, you get closer to the truth: that everyone is an individual and no label sticks. Also, I wanted to dispel a few beliefs that an attraction to younger people is more dangerous than an attraction to older people. It's just the opposite. Plus, people are born that way, or so I'm convinced.
Of course, labels aren't just popular for convenience, they're popular for another reason. They create groups where people can "belong" and "fit in". As comforting as that can be, it can also be dangerous. You see, in order to make yourself fit into a labeled group, you'll feel pressure to conform. "You just have to accept that's the way you are and live that way." Not necessarily. Rejection of a label is not a rejection of yourself. Rejection of a "lifestyle" is not a rejection of yourself. Take a look deep inside yourself and see not only what you truly are but also what you want to be. Then, you will see that there really are no "safe labels".