Joey has been attracted to boys his entire life. He had his first crush at five. It was on a male classmate of his. He learned by the first grade that his attractions weren't accepted and that they needed to be kept a secret. By the age of 12, he knew what a "child-lover" was (although the term he knew--the 'p' word--has such a stigma attached to it that I don't use it in these thoughts). Even though they were men, he imediately identified with them. He thought, "I love boys, not men--that's what gay people like." He knew he wasn't "gay". He sometimes feels sorry for people who don't feel their attraction for boys until around 13 (like myself). He realizes that this can make people think something like, "maybe I played with one too many dolls in my childhood." Of course, now, it's easy to look back and see that our attractions are very similar despite when they emerged. We can only conclude that they had the same biological origin.

For most people, their attractions are revealed at the onset of puberty. Then, they discover what type of people they will be attracted to for the rest of their lives. For Joey, puberty began at eleven, at which time he became attracted to teenage girls and women. He was still attracted to boys and that attractions still held a much stronger emotional pull. He describes his attraction for females as "purely sexual". If he were to marry a woman, it would end in divorce. For me, I felt no attraction for boys until around 13, at which time I became attracted to boys anywhere from 8-16. Over time, Joey realized that he preferred teenage girls far more than women and I realized that I preferred boys around 12-13 (the most common attraction age range for lovers of boys). It's easy to have specific attractions with a low sex drive, but hard with a high one. With a high sex drive, any physical form even similar to what you're attracted to will do. Many people use the term "sexual appetite" to describe the way our "tastes" loose or gain importance depending on how "hungry" we are.

Attractions don't change. Joey had crushes on twelve year olds at six as well as sixteen. Perhaps what scares so many people into denial over attractions is that they are uncontrollable and unchangeable. There are so many men in this country with a love of teenage girls for one simple reason: They have been attracted to teenage girls since they themselves were teenagers. Sure, they were also attracted to women, so they still are. Attractions don't change. Meaning that if a fifteen year old male is only attracted to fifteen year old females and not women, he most likely never will be attracted to women. He will always be attracted to fifteen year olds, however, even when he's fifty. Many "gay" teenagers are attracted to boys their own age and men as well. When they get older, they may choose one of two lives, depending on their personality and their hormone levels. They may begin sexual escapades with other men or they may not. Over time, as they get into their 40s, their hormone levels and their sex drive (which is very high in stereotypically "gay" males) will decline. As this occurs, they will begin to see their preferences in attractions more easily. In many cases, they will realize they prefer "coming of age" boys, typically 12-16. If someone was ever attracted to his classmates, that attraction will never leave him. Although people generally have varied and complicated composite attractions, they will have whatever complex attractions they were born with and biologically predestined to live their entire adult life with. What people today fear most about this idea is that so many teenagers are attracted to teenagers, yet we condemn adults who are. That's why we want to "cure" it. Yet, it's only frightening because we let it be. It's not that we want attractions to change unpredictably, but that we want them to move along with a person's age. Isn't this just as constant as attractions that don't change? I usually ask what people's three favorite colors are because they occasionally change priorities, but if someone hates the color purple, he's not going to suddenly make it his favorite. If someone's not attracted to men now, then why would becoming a man change that? Joey and I have both always liked green. That's not about to change and neither are our attractions. Sure, this means that there are a whole lot of teen-lovers out there, but does that really surprise anyone? The sooner we accept our attractions, the sooner so many of those teen-lovers will stop being teen-haters.

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