Subject:
FROM:MR DOUGLAS GEORGE.
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
UNION TOGOLAISE BANQUE.
LOME-TOGO.
ATTN: FRIEND,
I AM MR DOUGLAS GEORGE.,THE DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF AUDITING AN ACCOUNTING
SECTION OF THE UNION TOGOLAISE DE BANQUE LOME-TOGO IN WEST AFRICA. WITH DUE
RESPECT AND REGARD, I HAVE DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU ON A BUSINESS TRANSACTION
THAT WILL BE VERY BENEFICIAL TO BOTH OF US AT THE END OF THE TRANSACTION.
DURING OUR INVESTIGATION IN THIS BANK,MY DEPARTMENT CAME ACROSS A VERY HUGE SUM
OF MONEY BELONGING TO A DECEASED PERSON WHO DIED ON NOVEMBER 1997
IN PLANE CRASH AND THE FUND HAS BEEN DORMANT IN HIS ACCOUNT WITH THIS BANK
WITHOUT ANY CLAIM OF THE FUND IN OUR DISCOVERY TO THIS DEVELOPPMENT.
ALTHOUGH PERSONALLY,I KEEP THIS INFORMATION SECRET WITHIN MYSELF AND PARTNERS
TO ENABLE THE WHOLE PLANS AND IDEA BE PROFITABLE AND SUCCESSFUL DURING THE TIME
OF EXECUTION. THE SAID AMOUNT WAS $14M UNITED STATE DOLLARS. AS IT MAY INTEREST
YOU TO KNOW,I GOT YOUR IMPRESSIVE INFORMATION THROUGH PRAYERS AND
DIRECTORY.MEANWHILE ALL THE WHOLE ARRANGEMENT TO PUT CLAIM OVER THIS FUND AS
THE BONIFIDE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED, GET THE REQUIRED APPROVAL AND TRANFER
THIS MONEY TO AFOREIGN ACCOUNT HAS BEEN PUT IN PLACE AND DIRECTIVES AND NEEDED
INFORMATION WILL BE RELAYED TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU INDICATE YOUR INTEREST AND
WILLINGNESS TO ASSIST US AND ALSO BENEFIT YOUR SELF TOT HIS GREAT BUSINESS
OPPORTUNITY.
IN FACT I COULD HAVE DONE THIS DEAL ALONE BUT BECAUSE OF MY POSITION IN THIS
COUNTRY AS A CIVIL SERVANT,WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT AND
WOULD EVANTUALLY RAISE AN EYE BROW ON MY SIDE DURING THE TIME OF TRANSFER
BECAUSE I WORK IN THIS BANK A IT NEEDED SECOND PARTY OR FELLOW WHO WILL FORWARD
CLAIMS AS THE NEXT OF KIN WITH AFFIDAVIT OF TRUST OF OATH TOTHE BANK AND
ALSO PRESENT A FOREIGN ACCOUNT WHERE IT WILL BE REMITTED FROM TO YOUR OWN
DESIGNATION BANK ACCOUNT. I WILL NOT FAIL TO INFORMYOU THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS
100% RISKFREE. ON SMOOTH CONCLUSION OF THIS TRANSACTION, YOU WILL BE ENTITLED
TO 15% OF THE TOTAL SUM AS GRATIFICATION, WHILE 5% WILL BE SET ASIDE TO TAKE
CARE OF EXPENSES THAT MAY ARISE DURING THE TIME OF TRANFER AND ALSO TELEPHONE
BILLS,WHILE 80% WILL BE HELD FOR ME AND MY PARTNERS.
PLEASE YOU HAVE BEEN ADVICED TO KEEP TOP SECRET AS WE ARE STILL IN SERVICE AND
INTEND TO RETIRE FROM SERVICE AFTER WE CONCLUDE THIS DEAL WITH YOU. I WILL BE
MONITORING THE WHOLE SITUATION HERE IN THIS BANK UNTILL YOU CONFIRM THE MONEY
IN YOUR ACCOUNT AND ASK US TO COME DOWN TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR SUBSEQUENT SHARING
OF THE FUND ACCORDING TO PERCENTAGES PREVIOUSLY INDICATED TO YOU AND FURTHER
INVESTMENT, ALL OTHER NECESSARY INFORMATION WILL BE SENT TO YOU WHEN I HEAR
FROM YOU.PLEASE MY DEAR YOUR REPLY SHOULD SENT THROUGH THIS ALTERNATIVE
E-MAIL:- [email protected]
FOR MORE INFORMATION. [This is one instance where ignoring the
specified reply-to address seemed to make no difference.]
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MR DOUGLAS GEORGE.
From:
To:
Subject:
This sounds great, I want in...
But first, we should get to know each other. My name is Peter Jackson and
I am the CEO of COQUE Cigarettes (also known as COCK cigarettes).
[I envisage a rooster motif - the name works so many ways...] COQUE
started off as a major cigarette company in France and diversified to the
United States about 2 years ago.
Tell me about yourself and what you want me to do.
Hear from you soon,
Peter.
From:
Subject:
Dear Peter Jackson,
Thanks for your kind response regards to my request,
It is With Great Excitment that I received Your Mail,But With Total
Glory to God,And the Key Word of Trust I wish to Work With You in this
deal as a blood relative,I therefore Seize this Opportunity to
Inform you that this Transaction Has Already Gotten to the Ripe Stage
Because All Underground Work Needed For the Smooth Transfer of this Fund
Has Been Done and Concluded.
And this Devine Unification and Opportunity Should Not Be Toyed With Nor
be Allowed to Slip off Our Palms,But With Your Acceptance to Work With
Us as the Foreign Partner Has Just Made it a Success. [In all of
the mugu scam letters that I have read, I have never seen such a huge pile of
steaming shit as this paragraph!]
In a nut shell I will like to briefly summarize what I was saying in my
first proposal to you of which i know you understood me.I have been
managing the said account for a period of years after the discovery of
this funds during auditing excercise as I stated in my first proposal as
the account manager after the real owner died and ever since the death
of the owner of the account NO ONE have come for the claim of this
funds and right now the bank is willing to convert this funds to the
security funds of the bank as this is with the allied matters of the
bank that if funds stay unclaimed for some certain period of years
it would be converted to the bank security account.
So it is based on this that i have contacted you so that we can use this
opportunity to claim this money instead of the bank converting it to
the bank security account that is why I am here as the account officer
after perfecting my homework in regards to this deal willing to give you
all viable informations and guidlines that you will forward to the bank
and the bank will approve this funds for payment into the
account that you will norminate, so you should not nurse any atom of
fear in this deal as everything has been taken care of.
Also I will be very glad to bring to your notice that this deal has been
programmed to be concluded within 7 banking days startig from the day
you will submitt application form to the bank and as such we will not be
tolerating any delay from your side.However me and my partners have
agreed to offer you 15% of the total money 5% maped aside for any
expenses the will come up during the process of this deal,while the
balance of 80% will be for me and my partners if you have any thing to
say about the sharing terms you are free to ask as to enable us commence.
To commence this deal we will be forwarding to you the text of
application that you will fill and send to bank for necessary approval
of the said funds officially as the real next of kin of the late
deceased.
Call me on my direct line for more detail explanation at the receipt of
this mail at:00228 9117025.and i expect you to send your contact phone
to me for easy communication in return mail.
I will be very glad if you will treat this with all the maturity and
confidentiality it all deserves as we are all still working in this bank
and intend to retire at the successful execution of this deal which
we believe you will handle perfectly as we all hope on you believing you
would not betray the trust repose on your person after reading your
mail.I have also attache my photo's for your own perusal and waiting
to see your's in return mail as to view on whom i am dealing with.
Hoping to hearing from you soon.
Remain Blessed
your's Brotherly
Douglas
+2289117025 waiting for your call soon.
[How many crotch-fruit has this horny bugger got?]
[Is
it just me, or does this bloke not even remotely look like the top one (even if
he had aged alot)?]
From:
To:
Subject:
Greeting Douglas,
I hope you are doing well. In the spirit of cooperation, you will find my
photo attached. It was used in the annual report from last financial year
when we made a 37% increase in profit.
I have a confession to make - not many people outside my personal assistants
know it but I am actually medically deaf. I can hear to a certain degree
but not well enough to discern what is being said over a phone (especially when
it clips the upper and lower frequencies off). I can lip-read well enough
so most people are not even aware of my condition. I lost my hearing when
I was attacked by a swarm of bees and some entered my ears and perforated my
eardrums with their stingers. [Fans of the X-Files will remember
that bees were quite an important plot-point near the end of the storyline.]
Because of that, I am not very good over the phone. In this modern day
and age, it has not really ever affected to date as I rely on emails or
face-to-face for the most part and my PA's do the rest. Of course, in
this case I cannot trust my PA's to help to we shall have to make do with
email. It should be fine as we both seem to reply quite swiftly.
Now, I presume time is of the essence, so let's get down to business...
Exactly what do you want me to do?
Hear (pardon the pun) from you soon,
Peter.
PS: You have a lovely family; give my blessings to them.
From:
Subject:
Dear Mr Peter,
Thanks for you kind response and concern to my family.
I am happy to glance on your photo at least I now know whom I am dealing with
and have repose more confidence in you and now believing that you will not
betray the trust I am reposing on you.
However,for us to commence action fill the below text for as directed and send
to bank by scan or by fax so that bank will officially approve you as the
bonafide next of kin.as soon as the acknowledge the receipt of the application
you keep me informed with whatever question they will ask you so that I will
guide you up on what to reply back to them to avoid you not to make mistake.
As soon as you send it to bank you update me.
Remain blessed
Your brother
Douglas.
Below is the text form.
**************************************************************************************************************
RETYPE EXACTLY AND ATTENTION THE FAX TO
MR AKUDIMMA ELDEM
FORIEGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.
TEL:00228-920-3819
FAX:00228-271-0102
EMAIL:[email protected]
**************************************************************************************************************
ATTENTION:MR AKUDIMMA ELDEM
FORIEGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT
UNION TOGOLAISE BANQUE,LOME-TOGO.
APPLICATION FOR THE TRANSFER OF USD$14MILLION(FOURTEEN
MILLION ONLY)FROM A/C NO:14-255-004/UTB/TG
Sir,
Please be inform that i wish to come for the claim,release and transfer of the
sum of
USD$14MILLION(FOURTEEN MILLION ONLY)FROM A/C
NO:14-255-004/UTB/TGFROM A/C NO:14-255-004/BTCI/TG FROM A/C
NO:14-255-004/UTB/TG with your bank to a new account as will be detailed below:
BANK
NAME:------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY BANK A/C
NO:----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BANK
TEL:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BANK FAX
NO:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PERSONAL FAX
NO:-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PERSONAL
TEL:-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PERSONAL
EMAIL:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOUR
OCUPATION:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SWIFT
CODE:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------if
available
ROUTING
NO:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------if
available
BENEFICIARY:-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(sign here)
The above amount was deposited in your bank by my deceased cousin Mr. JOHN
SHELPERT CREEK in November 1996,he resides in lome togo, Rep of Togo.I am his
cousin and named next of kin with all documents of proof.
I wish as the heir apparent to claim and instruct that the above mentioned
amount be transfered into the account as provided above. please accept this
late application as it was due to family logistics problems consequent upon his
funeral rights,I hope you will understand and expedite action.
I also request an acknowledgement of this claim.
Thanks for your anticipated co-operation.
yours faithfully
put your name and sign.
From:
To:
Subject:
Hail and well met Doug:
Salutations to your family. I will be happy to fill in that form. I
have a problem you can help me with, too. Here at COQUE, USA Pty Ltd, we
are currently trying to enhance our cosmopolitan image with the American
public. I have been trying to get African American male models to pose as
if they are middle-class African nationals to give a more worldly appearance to
our brand.
The trouble is that they all look like street hoods, no matter how we dress
them. What I need is a fine, up-standing member of society like you.
[Yeah, right...] You have a very regal demeanor and a sense of
class and style. You are a very attractive man, Douglas (don't get me
wrong - I like the ladies but just speaking pragmatically).
I would like you to pose holding a sign which clealy reads "I am a COCK
smoker". You will be one of a range of many people from around the world
to help us. Of course, as this is a multi-million dollar campaign, we
will pay you. I think the current rate is $10,000 but as you are a
personal friend, I am sure I can get that raised to, say, $15,000 to $20,000.
The more elegent the sign, the better but do not worry too much as the graphic
artists here can always embellish it. As long as the text is clear, they
can do some computer imagery magic on it. That said, the scanned photo
you send me must be clear and large enough for them to work with, otherwise
they will not find it acceptable.
Of course, our "transaction" plays no part in this - you are merely a personal
acquaintance of mine, helping me out. Nobody else will know about the
other stuff. [So he doesn't get worried about the exposure.]
Thanks in advance,
PJ.
From:
Subject:
Dear Mr Peter J.
Thanks for your noted mail.
My dear I want you to know that we are know more babies at my age and
position I think I am to big for all this if you know that you don't trust me
or you don't believe in me,I will advise you to forget all about this deal I am
not forcing you for this deal and it can be must that you will do this deal
with us.If my family photo's I sent to you is not okay to you,I think I will
not have time for that your request.
If you want to continue with us go ahead and fill the text form as I
directed and send to bank and keep me posted.
Thanks and God bless
Regards
Douglas.
[Hmm, it seems that erred here... One of three things could have happened; the money offered as enticement was too much for his imagination and he realises that I am on to hime; someone has explained what the proposed sign means; or, he is worried that the photo will look nothing like the "photos" he sent previously. Oh well, there is nothing left to do other than act indignant and forge on, I suppose.]
From:
To:
Subject:
Greeting Douglas:
What the hell are you talking about? I never ever even insinuated that I
did not trust you...
YOU came to ME and asked for a silent partner on a business transaction.
Whilst I admit that I have little to no knowledge on how business is done in
Africa, I have extensive business dealings with Europe and the USA. In
all of my professional career, business partners always help each other out.
If you were somehow offended that I did not offer you more for the photo shoot,
then please realise that I did not intend to insult you. The marketing
department is not my area but I am sure I can talk to those in charge there and
get them to offer you more.
Doug, my friend, it all boils down to trust. I am prepared to trust you
with the bank details for my company and you don't even trust me to provide you
with a handsome payment for your services. I was not going to rip you
off! I fully intend to pay you for the photo shoot... [Fattening
the bait can't hurt at this stage.]
Quite frankly, if you are not prepared to reach a mutually advantageous
arrangement where we scratch either other's backs, then how do you expect to do
business? I am also a busy man and have a large company to run but I was
prepared to find time to help you. Why are you suddenly so hostile when I
ask a favour, in turn? After all, I am sure it would only take a couple
moments of your time. You can even get one of your assistants to do it -
he does not have to know about our original arrangement or even how much the
payment is for the photo shoot (you can give him some token amount and pocket
the rest). As long as he looks relatively respectable and presentable,
the authentic flavour of the photo will remain intact (although he will not be
nearly as distinguished as yourself, of course). [This covers
the scenario of being reticient about his image not matching stuff from
before.]
Hear from you soon,
PJ.
From:
Subject:
Dear P.J.
As I told you I am a man of my word and my word is my bond.If you are not ready
to assist me you have all right to quit.
Thanks and God bless.
Regards<
Douglas.
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear Dougie:
I know your word is your bond but the same goes for me. Where I come
from, business partners help each other out. The campaign I was talking
about is the topsoil item on my mind. I really want to be able to relax
and concentrate on our transaction.
I still cannot see why you can't just spend a couple of moments getting a photo
of either you or one of your assistants with the sign I requested. I will
pay handsomely for that and then we can go down together on this security
transaction.
Remember, "I am a COCK smoker". The person in the photo has to be male
(that is our target demographic) and the more distinguished, the better.
[No trophy, no play, you ugly mutha!]
A did notice a couple of emails back, you actually called
me "darling". I was somewhat perturbed by that as I did state
categorically that although I said you were a handsome man, that I like the
ladies. My heritage is French, not Greek. From that, for a moment,
I even thought you might have been upset that I did not return your advances.
Don't get me wrong, I know gay people and can get along with them, but it is
just not my cup of milky white tea. I don't care if you are and are not
and, frankly, it is not any of my business. All I am saying is that we
should keep our "relationship" strictly platonic - more friendly than just
business acquaintances but no exchanging bodily fluids.
Okay, now that we have that out in the open, and (hopefully) sorted out,
Hear from you soon,
Pete.
PS: I presume that when I pay you for the photo shoot, doing so via Western
Union will be most expediant? If so, please provide details on where to
pay it, etc. [Lay it on really thick here that I am talking easy
money for him.]
[I hear nothing from the withered little goat's pizzle so I try to recoup him "back into the fold".]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Doug:
I still have not heard any response from you about my last email. Have I
touched a raw nerve with you? Listen my friend, I have nothing against
gay men but I simply am not one of them.
That said, I am still happy to do business with you - fudgepackers often make
the most astute businessmen...
Sincerely,
PJ.
[Lo and behold...".]
From:
Subject:
Dear PJ,
I will advice you to come down to togo, so that i will know whom i am
doing with.
Thanks
Mr Douglas.
[Aha, now I see, said the blind man... I realise the issue with the non-generic name used for the email address. That was actually somewhat witty of him.]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Dougie:
Now we get to the bottom of your unexpected hesitation. Yes, the email
address was under the name of "Ima Choad" - Yahoo expects a human name when
setting one up and my secretary used hers. Not being that
computer-literate, we had not really noticed (how often do you bother to look
at the bit at the top when you are concentrating on writing the letter itself).
[Not a bad escape clause, if I do say so myself.]
You will find attached a photo of Ima and myself taken a few months ago whilst
doing an intensive project planning session one evening. See, we are
actually quite separate creatures...
I would be happy to come to Togo, how does next week sound? [Dangle
the carrot to try to convince this pet mugu that I am serious.]
Pete.
PS: Ima has gone home for the day but do you want her to drop you an email?
[Yep, another piccie from the X-Files - that is the lovely Mimi Rogers, there.]
From:
Subject:
Dear Peter,
Thanks for the info and the photo you sent.
Please I will be happy to meet with you here in togo,I will like to know
when you are arranging to come down to togo.I think that is the best for us
seeing face to face. [That's what you think, dip-shit!]
As soon as your preper for the trip you send me the flight schedule so that
I will come and pick you in the airport.
I wait for your urgent reply.
Regards
Douglas.
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Doug:
Now that we are on the straight and narrow, how about doing that photo - it is
still important to me...
I will try to book something for next week, I actually have my kid brother
coming over soon but am not sure exactly when. Also, I have to work out
how to do it with minimal stopovers. It should be next week, but, if not,
then early the following week. [Can you say delaying tactic?]
I will send the itinerary to you when I work it out (give me a few days).
Cheers,
PJ.
From:
Subject:
Dear P.J
Ok,I will be expecting the schedule as you promised as to make hotel
reservation for you.Further,your kid brother you mentioned is him coming for
what purpose? [Geez, you have to keep things really clear and
simple with these fools...]
Again as I have explained in my email I think we seeing face to face should be
the best my dear Peter rather than taking another photo I suggest if you
come over we can take the photo together as to believe ourselves more.
I wait to hear from you as soon as possible concerning your kid brother,in what
purpose is him coming for?
Regards
Mr Douglas.
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey BS: [Finally remembered to make fun of this...]
I will make my own hotel booking, as part of my package. [Like
I'm going to trust you, fuck-nut.]
You misunderstood - my younger bro is coming to LA (from Ohio) to visit
me. I am not fully sure of when and how long but do know for sure that he
will be gone by the week after. I will book something for after he
comes. My brother, Michael, has made quite a name for himself in Ohio as
a glass blower. His speciality is to make perfect, decorative bubble
globes. Michael Jackson is forever blowing bubbles. [Aah,
I never get tired of this gag!] Our father calls me Action
Jackson (because LA is such a fast-paced city and I am always on the move) and
Mike, Jackson Ohio.
I must admit that I can no longer find the photo you sent of yourself; how
about we kill two birds with one stone and you send me that photo anyhow so
that I will be able to find you at the airport?
Thanks in advance,
PJ.
[No reply for some time... Let's re-bait the trap.]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey BS:
Mikie (my brother) has finally POQ'd back home. It was fun having him
here, but exhausting... Pretty much every night we would go out to a bar
and get royally plastered. The night just before he left, we got barred
up, like usual, and plastered each other for a change. Nothing
incestuous, mind you, just good ol' brotherly love...
You still have not sent a certified photo. I need this to be able to
recognise you at the airport. Also, I must admit, since the previous
debacle, I have lost some confidence in you so want that photo so that I know
what you really like. To keep things simple, we will stick with the same
sign - "I am a COCK smoker". A large, clear photograph of you holding
that sign proves that you actually are who you say you are.
As soon as you send that, I will book a flight. If you are nice and
polite in the interim, I will even get you some gift from the duty free.
Do standard GSM cell phones work in Togo? If not, how about a nice watch?
[Hopefully enough enticement without going overboard?]
Hear from you soon,
Pete.
[Oh well, wny not waste more time on this toe-jam...]
From:
To:
Subject:
I have not heard from you in some time...
Do you still want to make some money or not?
I don't know if this is merely some kind of joke to you, but I am deadly
serious and would like to get to the money shot ASAP so I can climax.
Sinsearly,
PJ.
| ChaosWorrier |
Last Update: 02/07/2004 |