Subject:
CHINA TRUST COMMERCIAL BANKNAN KAN BRANCH, TAIWAN REPUBLIC OF
CHINA.
I am Mr.Chen Liuyong Bank Manager of China Trust Commercial Bank. Nan Kan
branch, R.O.C. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for
you.On June 6, 1998, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid
Minerals Corporation, Mr. Smith Lawrence made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit
for twelve calendar months, valued at US$35,000,000.00(Thirty five Million
Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his
forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and
finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Chinese Solid Minerals
Corporation that Mr. Smith Lawrence died from an automobile accident.
On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a will and
all attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless.I therefore made further
investigation and discovered that Mr. Smith Lawrence did not declare any �next
of kin� or relations in all his official documents,including his Bank Deposit
paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$35,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank
and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each
year. No one willever come forward to claim it.
According to Laws of Republic of China, at the expiration of 5(five) years,the
money will revert to the ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies
to claim the fund.Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a
foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr.Smith Lawrence so that the
fruits of this old man�s labour will not get into the hands of some corrupt
government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately
your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary
documents and affidavit that will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall
employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL
and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in
your favour for the transfer.
A Bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then
facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin.
The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 85%
for me and 15% for you.There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this
transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager
guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested,
please reply immediately via the private email address above. Upon your
response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents
that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential
email address, telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.Please observe
utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this transaction will be most
profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my
share in an overseas country, probably your country.Awaiting your urgent reply
via my e-mail address.
Thanks and regards,
Mr.Chen Liuyong [Did you notice that his sig name does match
that of the email address?]
[My first (potentially) Asian mugu...]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hi, my name is Ima and I run a charity in California to try to
educate people to become vegatarians, called COQUE (Californian Office of
Quelling Unethical Eating). We get funding from several celebrities.
I would love to help you in your cause, what do you want me to do?
Hear from you soon,
Ima Choad.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
Thanks for your mail and willingness to help me out in this transaction. But
you did not disclose your direct telephone number as I requested. There are
some pieces of information which I asked you to provide. It is improtant I get
your full name and account details.
You mentioned in your mail that your get funding from several celebrities,which
means you have a durable account that could carry the money.
Is the account in your name or your organization name? Please do let me know so
that we will be able to arrange its movement safely.
I will be waiting to hear from you soon.I will like to have your phone contacts
so I can reach you on phone for better explanation.
Regards,
Chen.
From:
To:
Subject:
For my work, I travel constantly - why only two days ago I was in
Germany, getting a hefty donation from David Hasselhof (that man from
Baywatch). As such, I cannot reliably say I will be close to any
particular landline at any given time. Of course, for the covert nature
of such an operation, I cannot trust any of my personal assistants, either...
Also, I do not believe in cell phones; they cause brain cancer and upset the qi
energy in your head. Therfore, I do not own one. I do not see this
as an issue as we seem to be emailling each other quite efficiently and am
sure we will have no problems communicating effectively this way.
My organisation has a bank account with the Commerce Bank of Phlegm, in the
South Pacific, and I will be all-to-happy to provide you.
However... I do not even know you and would never commence a business
transaction (especially one involving my organisation's bank account) without
getting a little bit more background first. Tell me more about
yourself. I would also appreciate getting a photo as that increases
business prosperity and let's me visualise you to increase harmony. I can
then also meditate for both of us and balance our inner harmonies.
Because passports and drivers licenses are easily forged, I suggest you take a
fresh photograph of yourself. So that I know it is taken specifically for
me, I would like you to hold a sign saying "I Love COQUE". This will
instigate multiple positive effects and provide further prosperity to my
charitable institution.
Once I know what you look like, I would be most happy to provide the bank
details. As further incentive, I was just given a dozen Swiss watches
from a contributor in Lichtenstein. I was going to auction them off at a
Beverly Hills charity auction, next month, but I believe in karma so will
instigate good things by providing you with one. I know Chinese gold is
much better than Western gold but they are still an attractive 24 carat gold
watch with some lovely diamonds inset into them. [Can you say
bait incentive?]
Hear from you soon.
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
Thanks for your mail and willingness to take part in this transaction once
again.There is no problem we shall proceed with the transaction. However be
sure that any expenses made for the purpose of this transaction shall be taken
care of and refunded before the sharing of the money.I will take care of any
expenses required from here for the money to get into your account. However, I
have seen that disclosing your account details is not convenient with you.I
therefore suggest you open an online account with an online bank as that will
help us make the transfer faster.
I recommend a bank in Europe that are in online banking,you will get in touch
with them and ask them how you can open an online account with them.The bank's
website is www.uabankplc.com ,we have used the bank in the past to make some
international transfers of money and they are highly reliable and efficient.
After you would have opened the account with them, You may leave a standing
order routine with the bank to be transfering the money little by little,bit by
bit into probably your organizations account or any other account you may deem
fit or better.
The standing order could be on a weekly or monthly basis.
This is sequel to your fears of disclosing your organizations account detail to
a total stranger like me.Meanwhile,I am a father of three,two boys and a
girl.They are Stannley who is 10years,Peng 7 and Lily 4.I was born in the
United Kingdom and that was where I studied too. I hold a masters degree in
International relations and a phd in Economics.Due to my Job,I now live with my
wife Joan and my three kids in Taiwan R.O.C
I will be waiting to hear from you soon via my personal email address:
[email protected] In addition,this is my phone number incase you
may wish to call 871762534675 it is a sattellite phone which only the highly
senior bank officials use.We can continue the correspondence by email as you
said ok.However always give my mails very prompt replies as you started.
Regards,
Chen.
From:
To:
Subject:
Greetings and glad tidings to you, Xiantao: [I have
been waiting an eternity to pull him up on this and figure now is as good a
time as any.]
I am actually very happy to provide you with the account details to the bank
account of my charitable organisation, which I founded.
However, as I stated quite clearly in the previous message, I would like to get
to know you a bit better and see you "face to face" as well as we can when we
are in different parts of the world. I must apologise that I did neglect
to append my own photographic effigy for your perusal. You will now find
attached a piccie of me with two of my pets, Pooper and Scooper (Scooper is the
female one and grey). They actually had a puppy together a couple of
years ago but I had to gave her (Scoopy Poo) away as Pooper has no tact and
kept trying to mount her.
Please forward your own photo, as I originally requested so that we can
continue on to the next stage of this transaction ASAP. Please also
remember to help the sign with our password on it so that I know it is you and
make it a nice, clear image.
Thanks in advance,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
My dear Ima,
I wish to ihank you for your prompt attention to my mails.I must commend the
beautifull picture you sent.Your puppies are beautifull too. [How
can he see my tits with those dogs in the way?]
That goes a lot to demonstrate your seriousness towards our goal. You are such
a young lady you know.
However,please bear with me I shall send a recent photograph of mine to you by
monday ok.This is because I do not have a very recent one now.The one I have
that is recent is a group one which I took at a seminar I attended in Tokyo a
forth night ago.
I see reasons with you for this exchange of photograph.
It will surely go a long way in cementing our business and personal
relationship.How and when do I get the watch gift? [Hehe, hook,
line and sinker!] I will most appreciate it.Meanwhile expect my
picture.I will do just that ASAP ok.
Untill then do have a great day.
Regards,
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Positive spiritual energies to you, Chen:
I am sorry, from your email address, I thoguht your name was
Xiantao... I will now do cleansing rituals to wash away the converse and
concave remnant of ill-naming from us.
Anyway, no matter, I just want to call you by the right name. I only want
to ensure success and eliminate all possible negative energies from our
transaction. I have been reciting Buddhist chants all morn so that
negative qi energy winds from below will not jeopardise our
transaction. One place south of me where there is much disharmony is
Florida. It is a den of vice and evil and radiates negativity and
unproductivity. Indeed, I hear that the Florida qi's are especially bad
this time of year.
Did I mention that I have no children? My first husband, Ceccil, died of
main vein thrombosis and I later re-married his brother, Cyril. Cyril
turned out to be a beligerent man with a mean streak as wide as a mullet
fashion parade in Arkansas. He ended up running away with some cheap
juicy-Lucy showgirl and I hear she ended up giving him flangeitis. Serves
him right... Oh well, I must not dwell upon it as negativity causes you
stress of the hypothalamus and will end up damaging you (look what happened to
Cyril).
This is when I truly put all of my energy into making my charitable institution
what it is today. People always said that I really belonged in an
institution and I proved them right.
Anyway, I am rambling and wasting all of your precious time. Please just
remember that the photo is to have you holding a sign which clearly reads "I
Love COQUE" so that I know it is you. The scanned photo must be large and
clear so that I get a perfect image of the kind, friendly man I am dealing
with. If we can perfect the images we have of each other in our inner,
third eye, then we can telepathically work together to ensure mutual success (I
success a lot when I was married to my first husband by using this
technique in unison with the swallowing-the-load-at-hand technique when I felt
that the load I had to bear was going to overwhelm me). Oops, I am
rambling again...
I presume that because you are Chinese, your eye colour is brown, like
mine? Your third eye has no colour as it is inside your head.
Remember to focus with your third eye, not with your brown eye. If you
focus on your brown eye instead, all that will happen is that we will lose
face. De-face-tion on this process is the last thing we need.
Anyhow, Buddha said, "In times of spiritual turmoil and cosmic flooding, seek
the higher path as you're feet are less likely to get wet". Good
advice...
Peace be to you,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Ima my dear,
Thanks a lot for all the compliments.
It is all well with me reading from you once more. As a matter of fact,my
coming into contact with you,coupled with what you said about not using
telephone have made me to be checking my mail more often than before.
Be that as it may,let us keep up this level of communication as soon as our
business begins.
Meanwhile,you do not have to expect much in my looks.I'm just a normal looking
young man of mixed blood. Did I tell you I was born,bread and studied in the
United Kingdom.My mother is a british black while my father is a british
Chinese.They met in UK and married after one year of courtship.Their union made
all of kids of theirs have dual citizenship.
I settled in Taiwan due to my job and how lucrative it is and I've been there
since my first job with the Supreme Court Of China 12 years ago.
I happen to be the second child of four children. Well the greatest thing that
can happen to me in life is the day I will meet you, the warm hearted lady face
to face.Meanwhile,surfice to ask if you are a buddist?
I respect the religion and their belief.Just pray hard my dear [Ooh,
he is starting to get fresh with me; excellent!] as Iam doing for this
trasaction to be seen through succesfully.
Untill then,its all the best.
Regards,
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Blessed be the poonani, Chen: [That Ali G has a lot to
answer for...]
It is good to here from you. I realised that I forgot to answer one of
your questions last time - when I get your photo, I will send you your Swiss
watch via UPS International. That way it should only take a few days to
get to you.
I have no siblings, neither did my father - us Choads seem to be destined to be
by ourselves. My mother died of a rectal embolism when I was still a
little girl so my father raised me by himself, for the most part. The
townsfolk where I grew up used to refer to us as Big Choad and Little Choad.
Yes, I am a fairly devout Buddhist. Whilst I still maintain a relatively
comfortable, material existance, I recognise that the steps I take now will
help me reach enlightenment in one of my next lives. Maybe in my next
reincarnation, I will be like the leader of the temple where I go. They
forsake all worldly possessions, even their name prior to joining the
order. They then take the name of an animal for the sake of
differentiating themselves from the other monks - the leader is only name as
Monk Fish.
Can't wait for your photo; remember "I Love COQUE".
Speak to you soon,
Carefree whispers on even your heaviest days, [Carefree is a
brand of feminine hygiene products here in Oz and Whisper one of their items.]
Ima.
From:
Subject:
My dear Ima,
It is my pleasure reading from you.
How are you today? I just took the photograph today.Infact one of my assistants
came to work with his camera today so asked him to snap me.Inshort he snaaped
me in his office. I went to his office to see him only to notice he had his
Camera and I snapped on his desk. Although he did not understand the reason
behind the sign,he still asked me the meaning of coque and why the love
proclaimation well, thats by the way.
Be that as it may,the photo will be in your box by tommorrow morning.Please do
acknowledge receipt as soon as you see it ok.Surfice me to ask,will you still
re- marry if the oportunity comes calling?Does your religion allow such?
Meanwhile,where are you from?I mean your birth place and how old are you?
As you are single and no siblings, who takes care of you?I really feel such an
open minded nice lady like you should be cared for by a total man. Sorry for
asking all these I know we are not talking business now.Just getting farmiliar
ok.
Well take care till I hear from you again.
Regards,
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Chen, you sweetie:
Why, I do believe you are flirting with me...
I was born in Florida - my mother was a Filipino maid and my father was the
"master" of the house. I was illegitimate, you see? My father was
actually originally a Cuban refugee and he made a success of himself selling
the juiciest crotch fruit in the land. [Yeah, yeah, I know
crotch fruit are really a nickname for babies and the term does not really fit
in this context, but it just sounded so funny (well, to me) when I wrote it and
it sounds like a euphenism for penis...] As such, he could not ruin his
reputation and "standing" in the community by actually marrying the hired help.
I was provided for, however, and although my mother and I lived a simple life,
we never went without. My father would visit the servants' quarter often
and give it my mother whenever he could. I grew up loving animals and
often had odd jobs walking dogs or bathing animals or masturbating bulls for
artificial insemination programs. I moved to LA to get a job as a trouser
snake wrangler in the adult film industry. That is when I found my Flange
(who had previously been abandoned) and found my higher calling. I then
worked on a cat farm (trust me, they are difficult to milk) until I could
afford to set up my own charity.
A gentleman never asks a lady her age but I will reveal that I am closer to 50
now than 40. I know in my head that a good part of my life is over but I
still feel myself young at heart. How do you feel youself? I do
admit I get lonely often - my charity business keeps me occupied but the nights
are still lonely. They say life is a river but I must admit that I am
getting sick of paddling my own canoe. [I just can't enough of
euphenisms for masturbation.]
Because I live in a large house and am away often (I am actually writing to you
on my laptop from Bulgaria - they have a rare colony of felching hamsters
which need to be saved. The crevices and holes these animals naturally
live in are often filled with natural gas and the Bulgarians have a bad habit
of igniting the gas and shooting the hamsters out like from cannons - very
cruel), I have a domestic staff to keep my house in order. As the child
of a maid and a Buddhist, I actually do not like employing others to do my
cleaning; I actually clean my own house when I am home but that does not happen
much any more.
Being Buddhist does not stop one from marrying unless one becomes a monk.
Then again, I think I may as well become a nun sometimes, because I am not
getting none - haha, a little joke there! Seriously, I would have to find
the right man to think about marrying again. He would have to be
vegetarian and be understanding that I have given my life to my charitable
organisation and still travel the world trying to resolve the injustices
committed against animals.
I have attached another photo of me. Because I am actually overseas at
the moment, I have little to choose from so I have sent the photo of me what is
used inside the marketing brochure I give at charity functions.
I look forward to seeing the photo of you. You are now very precious to
me, Chen so I shall chant blessing prayers in your name,
Om mickee, yurso fine, yurso fine, yublo miemind,
Om mickee,
Ima.
[Note: I actually forgot to attach the promised photo.]
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
How are you today?. My assistant came to tell me this morning that the
photograph he took me yesterday spoilt as it was being processed.
[Yeah, sure, whatever - no photo, no dice, bucko.]
Therefore,sending the picture will not be possible for now due to I do not have
the time to snap another one. Meanwhile,if there is any doubt about my
identity,let us arrange and meet probably in London or Holland. Choose either
of these european countries and let me know.
Be that as it may, if you are keenly interested and ready to assist in this
transaction,let us proceed and have it all concluded.
We shall see get to meet face to face by the time we would have been through
with it especially in the course of investment with your guidance.
But where you can not continue the transaction without seeing my picture
first,you may as well forget it so that I can look for another person ok.
So please do get back to me on what you think about the whole thing,including
our meeting.Cheers and good bye.
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Darling Chen:
I have to rush to a meeting so must be swift... [I actually had
to get to work.]
How can I meet you in a foreign city and not even know what you look
like? You must remember that I will be a woman on my own and it only
makes sense that I will want to be able to know what you look like before I get
there. That way, I can spot you in a crowd - both airports are usually
very busy this time of the year.
I normally travel with a small entourage to help me in my activities so that I
am not alone and defenseless. But, because this operation is relatively
covert, I must be by myself. I would just like to be able to know what
you look like beforehand and find you straight away so that I am safe from any
criminal elements which are likely to be crawling around the airport.
Besides, I think I am falling for you and wish a photo to be able to stare at
for the journey. It will only take a moment to take the photo, I remember
that when I was in Taiwan to protest against bear de-clawing (we Americans just
love bear claws), that there was instant photo booths and digital camera shops
everywhere.
Thank you so much in advance for humouring a slightly scared, lonely woman,
Obligatory Buddhist phrase, [Yeah, getting lazy trying to think
of "witty" things, here.]
Ima.
PS: I realised that I forgot to attach that photo of mine last time, so here it
is...
From:
Subject:
My dear Ima,
Greetings to you. Firstly I have to apologise to my late response tp your last
mail.
It was as a result of some official engadgement that kept in and out of normal
daily schedule.
My day started quit early due to some series of meetings that I chaired
today,that made me forget I was supposed to send you my picture as your last
mail directed.
However,find attached my picture. I took this about a month now in a press
briefing conducted by my office here.It was quit an incidental
posture,occassioned by our scanning machine which I noticed did not produce a
not too good result. But I believe my face came out a bit the rest I was not
able to do due to time.I was actually hurrying to make sure it gets to you
today.
So please accept it the way it came alright.
Meanwhile,I am due for London in a 2 weeks so if there is anything we are to
do,I'll rather suggest we start now so that everything could be ready on or
before my trip to UK.
Thanks though for the second picture you sent.I know by now your memory about
the young man you are doing business with has come alive.
So take care while I wait for your reply urgently through the above email
address.
Regards,
Chen
[This
ugly mofo does not really match Chen's original description.]
From:
To:
Subject:
Darling Chen:
I have noted your new email address in my address book. Thank you for the
lovely photo, but as you said, it is a month old and did not scan as well as we
would have liked. I am still yearning for a new photograph of you holding
the terms of endearment about my charity (I Love COQUE) because that would be
personal and special to me.
Remember, I still have a watch as gift for you for that special photo - we
shall have to work out if sending it or meeting in person will be quicker for
you to receive it.
I hope this gets to you before you go to the UK as I really don't want to sit
alone for two weeks without your photo to comfort me and keep me company.
Eternally yours,
Love,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
My dear Ima,
Thanks forr noting my new email address. How are you today?It took you quit a
while to reply my mail. Is everything alright? [Eager little
blighter, ain't he? I only get to do this stuff after work, amongst my other
household duties.]
You see I had to send the picture because of your pressure and demand for it.I
do not want us to loose track of what we are supposed to be doing now because
of mere picture.In situations like this,time should be considered paramount and
we seem to be loosing it without realising its importance here.
I suggest we leave this picture matter and face what actually made us
meet.Whether the one I sent to you was taken even one year ago it still remains
my face. WE are definitely going to meet in the shortest possible time,and if
by then you say you want a dozen of the terms of endarment about your
charity,you will get it even it means you and I snaping some couple of
pictures.I've not been to the US in 11 years so it will provide me the
oportunity to visit US and COQUE office to see things for myself.
Be reminded here that your organization needs money to remain afloat and this
is money coming our way and were are leaving it to chase in material things for
now. My dear you are going to have the picture and even more for keeps but let
us make do with each others picture that we have now ok.On the other hand,mind
you the wrist watch was not in the picture abinicio so let us not try to hold
on to it .I have good wrist watches I'm using now. So please I need to know if
you are ready for this transaction or not time is not on our side.So do let
know so that I can take the next step to seeing myself to stardom.
I can write much again.Just take care of yourself.I appreciate your emotions
here but lets do business first ok.
I wait to read from you ASAP.All the best.
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
My sweet Chen:
I have been in and out of the office like a kosher salami at a New York YWCA
bunkhouse; that is why I have had a slight delay in responding to your eloquent
words.
In terms of the photo I requested, I am a bit hurt that you have not taken the
effort to try to make me happy... I am sure spending a couple of minutes
taking a photograph is not too much to ask. I was prepared to give a
$10,000 Swiss watch to you as a present, instead of auctioning it to help save
some important species animals (e.g. the endangered cousins of the sperm
whales, the ova whales).
I thought we were building a rapport of mutual trust, respect, and dare I say
it, fondness. Then before we could go to the next level, you are all just
about business. Well, mister, I am also about business and the way
business is done in the States is that partners work as a team.
I am sorry but you have upset me now and I expect you to make it up to me with
that photo. You came to me and I offered my help without a moment's
hesitation. How does it look that when I ask one teency-weency favour in
return, you promise it and then renege?
As for my charity needing the money, it does quite well on the favours and
donations of many influential people. Why, just two days ago, one of my
suport staff, Joe Gillis [Token Sunset Boulevarde
reference] I believe, got Stevie Wonder to play with his lovely, big,
black, shiny organ on a charity fundraiser and get us over $375,000 in
donations for the Alaskan dust bunny fund.
I still have feelings for you and desperately want to help but please respect
my emotions also and see that spending a couple of minutes taking a special
photo for me would mean so much for us consumating having relations.
Lord Buddha said, "If one wants to milk the cow, he must squeeze its udder
gently - lest the beast defecate on the milker's boots",
All of my warmth (still),
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
It is a pity things have to go the way is going. I think its better I look else
where ok.
I do not have enough time on my side to start doing any other thing that does
conform with how to move this money out of here. Since you can not make do for
now, with the one you have, I think the best should be to forget about the
entire deal.
I just hope you will not be offended by the way I sounnded. I believe we are
all old enough to understand what is at stake ok. I have spent a whole fucking
[Ooh, temper, temper!] week discussing same thing without any signs of
leaving where I am.
So lets remain as friends and friends ok.
Its been nice knowing you are there.
Remain blessed ok and best of luck.
Regards,
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear Chen:
What has gotten into you? Please do not swear at me, that is *not* how we
would remain friends...
I do not understand where your anger is coming from - why are you suddently so
frustrated? I have been without companionship for some time now, so I
know frustrated (you should see how worn down my candles are and my zucchini,
carrot and banana bill at the local greengrocer's).
Being Buddhist, I try to obtain clarity of thought via meditation (it is the
solo meditation I perform which helps me alleviate how frustrated I am).
I took a little bit longer to reply to you on this as I slept with it until I
reached a climax. I believe I know what is really wrong...
You poor, poor boy, it is okay; I understand. That photo you sent it not
of you. You wanted to try to impress me and sent a photo of someone else
(a relative, maybe? [I'm trying to give this fool an out
clause so he can save face and keep going with the scam.] Well, that is
my theory of relativity, anyhow). That is okay - I can understand if you
are perhaps a bit younger and were somewhat overwhelmed by my affluence and
effluence. I accept that you simply did not want to lose face competing
with my successful career.
That is why you could not simply take a snapshot of yourself, as you would look
nothing like the "original" photo you sent. I mean, it would make no
sense to turn down a Swiss watch worth over $10,000 otherwise, would it?
Now listen, I will put this behind us and we can laugh at it at a later date (I
certainly know I will). I do not care what you look like, per se, but do
feel a sense of obligation to find out so we can finally proceed on this sweet
deal to you mutual, simultaneous satisfactory peak.
Dear, dear, Chen, if you send that one photo then we can wrap this transaction
up in shiny, glistening paper and a lovely fluorescent bow and send it all of
the way to the bank, baby! Spend a couple of minutes getting a photo
taken and then get this transaction taken care of by the very next day.
Heck, let's face the truth here, it would take you ages in this cold, hostile,
untrusting world to find someone to help you (there are not as many altruistic
Buddhists in this world as we would like them to be and those with resources
such as I have are few and far between). Even if you did, you would then
only end up spending *another* week explaining what to do to them, whereas I am
already completely clued in to what is happening.
Fondest regards,
We can do this together,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Hi Ima,
I am of the opinion that you are not ready for this deal as you called it.Its
high time we told ourselves the truth.
Using your so called swiss watch as an instrument to make me send another
picture of mine to you is quite un acceptable by me.I am not in need of any
watch at least for now ok. [Well, he seemed eager for it at the
beginning but I have a feeling that I blew it by making the thing worth too
much - pity because I had a great "script" worked out for it and it would have
been quite funny. Oh well, hopefully better luck next time.]
I am focused and no amount of loobying or mouth watery offers like your
whatever thousand watch can make me bulge.In addition,I guess you are entitled
to whateve your opinion is.I mean business and nothing but business
[Yeah, bullshit buddy, you started flirting with me, you pussy-tease, you!]
so if under any circumstance you feel I am hungry,then you got it all wrong.I
am beginning to suspect you are up to something if the picture i sent did not
meet your whatever interest and goal.
I therefore suggest you forget about it all and let me face another direction
to actualise my mission. Should you still be keen,I expect to see your online
bank account details in your reply to this mai on or before Monday afternoon it
is not negotiable much as I know I'm the one that contacted you first,but
should you not,Please ! please!! do not bother contacting me again ok.
I stop so far till you open the online account that is if you're still keen.
Bye,
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Chen:
Fine, screw the watch - you don't seem to deserve it anyway. It had just
come into my possession not long before you originally emailed me so I felt it
was serendipity at the time and the fates were wanting me to give it to
you. I believed that you would either treasure it as a lovely gift or use
it to better your situation, if need be. You seemed to be appreciative of
the offer all of the time up until now.
I still find it interesting that you do not reveal your true self to me; I
opened my soul bare to you and you still wish to remain aloof under the
pretense of trying to be business-like. Well, buster, I have to warn you
that no American worth their calibre will deal with someone and provide their
private business details to a stranger without finding out more about them and
requesting some provable id on who they are and what they look like.
BTW, near the bottom of the emial, you mention opening an online account.
You have asked for my account details before but never mentioned this.
How can I do this when you never even provided details on where to go and how
to. [Actually, in hindsight he did, but even if I had remembered
that, I would not have admitted it.]
In short, I think you blew it, you would have been on the gravy train with me,
bub... If you were in trouble and needed money, I would have
helped. From the onset, I sensed that you needed someone to support you
and bolster you with financial aid. [Baiting the hook with a
juicier worm is always worht a go, hey?]
Sincerely,
Ima.
[May as well try to milk more out of this; what the hell...]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Chen:
Have you finally calmed down enough to do some business, now?
Ima.
[Haha, and milk it we shall...]
From:
Subject:
Hello Ima,
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail. I guess the question that you
addressed to me should rather be meant for you. You know too well how serious I
was to do business with you but you ended up trying to spoil it.
Do let me know your present position on the matter.
I wait to hear from you.
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear Chen:
I really don't understand what you mean? I thought we had built a fairly
special rapport and I wanted to shower you with gifts and then you suddenly
went cold on me!
At no point did I ever say that I was not going to honour my promise of
transacting with you.
Kind regards,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
I know we did build some rapport initially. However, your responses to my mail
lately made me go cold.
If you are really keen to keep to your promise of seeing this transaction
through,I would expect to see in your reply to this mail all those information
that were asked from you abinisio. [Abinisio, what the fook does
that mean?]
{1}Your full names and address{ office address}
{2}Your account information{In the alternative,you can open an online account
with uabankplc}and forward the account number duely activated to me.and
finally,
{3}Your fax number if any.
The online bank website is www.uabankplc.com you can contact them on how you
can open an online account with them.
I wait to hear from you.
Chen
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear Chen:
I do not really want to dredge up rehashes of the past but it really was you
that suddenly went strange.
Anyway, enough said... My details are:
Ima Ti-Nee Choad. [Yes, I finally decided to get a middle-name.]
10086 Sunset Boulevarde
Beverly Hills LA 90210
USA.
I, however, now have some minor reservations about you since our (seeming)
previous loss of effective communication. The only way I foresee
that you overcome this barrier is to provide me with a certifiable photograph
of yourself. For the sake of simplicity and complicity, it will be
easiest to stick to the original plan and provide me with a photo of yourself
holding the sign "I love COQUE". The photo must be large and clear so
that I know that I am really looking at a photo of you.
After you do this then I will provide my company banking details, or open an
internet bank account, if the former is not convenient to you.
Hear from you soon,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Hi Ima,
I can see you have gone back to the same issue that made me back out. If you
are in need of some who would hold a sign a snap for you,count me out.I should
be the one to direct in this matter and not you.It is my idea that you snap a
picture too holding a sign I LOVE CHEN in that case I can reciprocate ok.
[Cheeky little prick!]
See you with the picture ok.
Bye
Chen.
N/B Pls make sure the picture and the sign there in are made bold ok.
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Chen:
Why should I have to send one, when I have already sent you several certified
photos of myself? After all, you contacted me originally and I am the one
who has to place trust in you with my bank details, not vice-versa!
Anyway, I asked first... I will send you my photo after you send yours;
why should you get any monkey-spanking fodder when I am the one who has been
asking all along? [The minor trouble with using the "celebrity"
that I have is that there are never that many photos taken of her; I do have an
appropriate newspaper photo (where the original is actually holding an
over-sized cheque) but I don't think that Chen-baby, here, will appreciate the
black-and-white (and slightly grainy) quality to it. I will most likely end up
Photoshopping her head on someone else's body.]
Fondly. Ima.
From:
Subject:
Hi Ima, If you really mean well,send your picture with the sign
first.In the alternative,you forget about this picture thing.How do I know that
the ones you sent are you?So hold the sign now to enable me be sure.I've found
out that doubts are beginning to creap into the whole affair. Since you do not
trust me,we may probably forget it ok.I thought you were being a bit
reconciliatory when you wrote me a few days back. In the absence of
trust,nothing can come out of these.
Be reminded here that I am still searching for your replacement.Should I happen
to find one,I do not think we will be here talking about picture or no
picture.b class="comment">[See how cheeky this prick is? I'll have to remind
him that there are many mugus out there and only so many suckers!]
If you are keen to prove you are the one in the picture you sent,do just as I
have asked with or without my being the one that asked for your help first or
not.I do not see you as meaning well ok.You can forget about your bank details
and open a new account if you are really serious and genuinenly desire to
transact the deal.Should you not send the picture with the sign,and wish to
keep asking for this or that,please do not borther to email me again.I think we
've had enough correspondence and I enjoyed it while it lasted.
Take care and good bye.
From:
To:
Subject:
Listen Chen:
I am tired and I am cranky so I am not about to put up with any more lip from
you... [It is actaully nign on 5am in the morn and I have
literally spent hours trying to get this image right...]
I spent all of the previous night trying to get my new $3500, Nikoff brand,
digital camera working to no avail - all just for you! I ended up having
to find an all-night photo booth and a (24 hour) Kinko's [I love
this name and it exists. You Americans are so weird!] copy centre to
scan it...
You better hold up your end of the bargain, buddy! I don't even know why
I wrote "I Love Chen", I should have simply said "I Tolerate Chen"; if your
sign does not say "I Love COQUE" now, you don't know how PO'd I will be.
Face the facts, Chen, you do *not* have offers flooding in because I know how
cruel and heartless the world can be and nobody cares except for the silly
little Buddhist woman in LA. I, on the other hand, receive literally
dozens of emails from Africa all asking for my help and offering money - but I
chose you specifically as I prefer to help a fellow Asian, if you know what I
mean. [In hindisght, I should have phrased this better as if he
is African, he might now be scared off - que sera sera...]
Honestly, you had better make this up to me as all I ever wanted was to be nice
to you and you swore and me and have been stand-offish and rude on many
ocassions, now. There are only so many times when a lady will let her
feelings get hurt like that...
Hear from you soon,
I am going to sleep for half the day now as I am that exhausted from running
around just to make you happy,
Ima.
[Hopefully
this image won't get too much scrutiny as I am not that good at this stuff -
the base image was actually a female Asian mugu I found on another site.]
From:
Subject:
Hi,
Its time we forgot about this whole thing. I think I am tired too.
take care.bye
[Now the greasy little fucker want to reneg, huh? Well, we shall see about that...]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey, don't you dare! You owe me now... You stated
categorically that if I jumped through your frickin hoop and got a picture
taken that you would do likewise.
I still want this transaction to go through but I just feel somewhat used
so far...
By the way, I do realise you are part black, you said that earlier. I
simply meant that I believe the money is better off in an Asian country - I am
not racist in any way.I even have a black member of staff (and trust
me, he is a big member!) called Ken Brown. To Ken Brown,
I am indebted as he is one of the largest contributors of fluid assets that I
know.
All that I ask is that you show the same honour, integrity and courtesy to me
that I have continually displayed to you, [Actually, considering
that I currently am more proactive with my deception that he is, we are
actually on par.]
Ima.
[Time to rattle this dickhead's cage, one more time...]
From:
To:
Subject:
You said you were an honourable man with integrity; I am still waiting for
your photo, like you promised.
Hey, how about you get back into gear so we can make some money?
IC.
| ChaosWorrier |
Last Update: 02/07/2004 |