�No set of guidelines for being a good friend can replace your own style," says former cancer patient Georgia Photopulos, "but if you'd like a few simple tips on how to talk to someone who's very sick, here they are."
1. Don't be afraid to ask me what I have, how I'm doing or what my treatment will be. At worst, I'll say I don't want to discuss it. At best, I'll welcome the chance to talk about my situation.
2. Worried about what to say? What did we talk about before I became ill - politics, art, religion, the PTA? I'm still interested.
3. Don't try to cheer me up by telling me things could be worse that I'm lucky my husband or wife hasn't left, or that I could have been hit by a truck. It doesn't help. In fact, don't try to cheer me up at all! What I need most when I'm depressed is a compassionate comforter and listener.
4. Don't assume you know how I feel. If you're prepared to find out, ask me, for I need every sensitive, empathetic listener I can get.
5. If I look terrible, don't tell me I look "great'. Your lie will hang between us and undercut anything else you can say. You don't have to comment on my looks at all.
6. Remember, I chose my doctor and unless I say otherwise, I'm probably satisfied with him or her. Don't bring me articles about other doctors, other hospitals, or other treatments unless I ask you to.
7. Do bring flowers, books, games - whatever you know I like. Most of all, bring yourself. Illness interrupts so much, don't let it interrupt our friendship.
8. If anything about my illness troubles you, if it makes you upset or sad or nervous, tell me! Your silence may hurt me - something I know you don't want.
Via: New Briton, CT
& Evansville Re-route January, 1999 |
