CATTERWAULS
This is where you will find out about me.  I mean, really about me...the things that chase themselves around inside my head.  Here I have some things I've written.  Writing often helps me say things that never would come out right in the spoken word.  Some writings are old...like from my high school years.  And some are written by people I know.  If it says "Rachel Smith" instead of "Swander," I wrote it before I was married.  I know they aren't anything super spectacular, but the all came from the heart and are important to whoever wrote them.  Anything that you find on this page is from someone who deserves credit for saying it...so if, by chance, you use what you find here in anything of your own, please give credit where it is due.  And if you have anything you would like to see published here, send it to me, and I'll look it over.  Thank you.
BOXES
by Rachel Ellen Smith
IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES,
WHAT WOULD YOUR BOX BE?
COVERED IN FANCY PAPER,
BIG ENOUGH FOR ALL TO SEE?
IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES, WHAT WOULD EACH ONE SAY? "IMPORTANT!" "RUSH!"  "PLEASE DON'T DELAY!"
IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES, HOW WOULD WE BE PACKED?  GENTLY, PROTECTIVELY, WITH AN EXPERT PACKER'S KNACK
IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES, HOW WOULD WE BE SHIPPED?  AIR MAIL, FIRST CLASS,
LIKE ANY SPECIAL GIFT.
IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES, HOW WOULD THEY BE CARRIED?  WITH SLOW, CAREFUL MOVEMENTS--NEVER FAST OR HARRIED.
IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES, TO WHOM WOULD THEY BE GIVEN?  TO THOSE WISE ENOUGH TO SEE THAT EACH IS A GIFT FROM HEAVEN.
LARGE OR SMALL, SHORT OR TALL, TIED OR TAPED, NO MATTER WHAT SHAPE--IT'S NOT THE COLOR, WRAPPING PAPER OR SIZE, BUT WHAT'S INSIDE THAT MAKES US REALIZE:
THAT IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES, MAYBE WE WOULD SEE THAT "IMPORTANT," "VALUEABLE," AND "FRAGILE" MIGHT JUST MEAN "YOU" OR "ME,"
AND IF PEOPLE CAME IN BOXES, I THINK IT MIGHT BE FAIR IF EACH ONE WERE MARKED:  "PLEASE, HANDLE WITH CARE."
Beautiful
by
Rachel Ellen Smith
The sky was beautiful-
dark blue with clouds of gray.
The snow fell softly down.
And I saw in each tiny flake
a prayer

The innocent words of a child
asking when his daddy would come home
The mother's tears
begging for her daughter's safe return

The jobless father
crying for his children to be fed
The homelss woman
seking shelter from the cold

The unjustly accused
trying to understand
The young man on the street
wishing for a father's love

The tears of God
fell down too
The softly spoken words:
"Lean on me."

The sky was beautiful-dark blue with clouds of gray.
The snow fell softly down.
And I saw in each tiny flake
an answer.
Untied Ribbon
by
Rachel Ellen Smith
completed Oct. of 1998
You held our your hands
And asked for companionship
So I gave you my mind
And shared with you my thoughts

We spent time together
Enjoying the company
We broadened each other's horizons
And we were happy

Then you held out your hands again
And asked for affection
So I carefully handed you my heart
And showed that I cared

We grew closer
As each day went by
And I was content
Just to see you smile

One time more you held out your hands
And you asked to know who I was
Ever so gently I let you hold my soul
Trusting you with everything in me

You carried my mind, heart and soul
And you were content for a season
But maybe you saw an imperfection
Or maybe you just got bored

Because one day you returned the to me
Placed on my doorstep with no explination
But they were no longer mine alone
So much of me is you

So I placed them in a box
And tied it with a ribbon you'd given me
I keep that box safely hidden away
Just in case you ever come back for it
My life goes on
And I see you sometimes
We never speak of it
You have no reason to give

Everyone tells me to pull out my box
So others may see what it holds
But I just can't let it be opened
For what I see inside is you

I walk through days not thinking
I can barely feel anything now
And I don't know who I am
Everything is so unreal

If I could do it all over again
I wouldn't change much
Only that little thing you didn't like
The part that made you walk away

You have another to laugh with now
I pray she never feels what I do
Maybe someone will come my way
And the light in my eyes will be real

Maybe someday things will be better
Maybe one day I'll live again
Perhaps you'll call
And your voice won't make me cry

Maybe I'll find joy in small things again
Smell a rose without heartache
See a smile
And not wish it was yours

Until then I sit alone
Trying not to hurt, praying I'll get through
While the box stays hidden away
The ribbon never untied.
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