It is back to the single life once again, and I am sure my choice was a good one. I just feel like I need to be with myself more than with a companion, but at the same time I hate the feeling I have when I must tell the person in my life that.

I do know that what is bad is that she was fun to be around, and I still have this feeling of wanting to venture on my own. I am not sure what it is about my mind any more that makes me not want to let a relationship last. Maybe it is the fear of hurt (but yet when I end it there is hurt as well, both for them and me), maybe it is a fear of commitment, or maybe it is a fear of myself. Hell, I don't know but it has to be something.

I am starting to believe that my subconscious won't allow me to be comfortable again. I seem to be dragging sweet innocent people into the sickening twist of my thoughts and thus end up scarring my self esteem even more. I hate doing anything that may make someone I care about feel bad, but yet I do it time and time again. One day I will figure out what I need and finally be able to settle down (at least I am hoping).

This is absolutely not here to bring sympathy from anyone because I do not want any one of yours sympathy, if anything I deserve your apathy. I feel like I have scarred my soul and do not deserve to be held highly again. I simply no longer respect myself, or view myself as one of the "Nice guys". I am simply an uncertain bastard disguised in an undoubtful persona. Truth be told I am the epitomy of uncertainty, in life, in love, and in heart.

I am sorry for this commentary, I hope someone someday reads it and relates, thus helping themselves out of the rut that I am oh too familiar with. Once again I do not want any of your sympathy, because the only person to blame for this is myself and I will now accept all the consequences of it, so please do not believe that I am trying to draw it out of you. I made my bed now I sleep in it.

Coopedaddy