It is now the one year anniversary of "Coopedaddy's Commentaries" section. I was actually surprised at how well this section went over, the visits have trailed off in recent weeks, but that is expected. I keep an eye on the hits this section receives and I want to say thank you to everyone who has came in and read these. I hope you all enjoyed them to a least a small extent, because for the most part I have enjoyed sharing with all of you. I want to revisit a few topics now and show how things can change so much in one year. I will be dividing them into subjects and going from there. So if you like, take my hand and walk with me through this last year.

Relationships:

This last year has seen a lot of different things in my personal love life. I have went from floating on cloud nine to fits of derpression, from happy to angry, from depression to happiness, from being lost in life to finally seeing the beginning of a path. One year ago I was involved in my longest, most serious relationship to date. I was traveling for work all the time and felt like I was on top of the world.

I was able to travel to Australia, Venezuela, Mexico, amongst other places and I always knew I had someone waiting for me when I got home, and someone thinking about me the whole time I was gone. I thought I had my whole life planned out and then like all good things must turn bad and end, so did my relationship. I went into a serious self-induced funk. Instead of pulling myself out of it, I allowed myself to slip deeper into it, and deeper into the dark. I could have been out chasing the women trying to get my self-respect back, but instead I played the fool and allowed myself to fall apart.

Then my friends came to my rescue and pulled me out of the darkness by being around me constantly and showing that people did like me and did enjoy being around me. Slowly, they helped me regain some of my self-esteem and I began dating again. I realized maybe serious wasn't what I needed right then so I just played the field. I dated a few people here and there, then I met a young lady I really liked and began to see her exclusively. We hit it off well, there were some hang ups but we enjoyed each other. I am not sure if it would have lasted but I should have given it more of a chance before I gave it up. My ex came back into the picture and I ran back to her, thus hurting the girl I was seeing, despite the fact I knew better. I am not saying anything bad about my ex, but I knew our time in the sun was gone and we needed to let go. I had a hard time doing that, though. So I went back to her, only to have us end it before it started again. Then I had to look back and wonder how bad I messed up by letting the last one go. I did not dwell on it, though, because it wouldn't help I just had to look ahead and move on with my life. Basically, I was able to do that without much hesitation this time.

So on I moved (not without being very angry with myself for hurting someone who did not deserve to be hurt). I began seeing a few people, they all knew I wasn't wanting anything serious and I was seeing other people as well. Some of them didn't like this and didn't stick around, while others didn't mind. I had a small strategy going with this as well. While I was not looking for anyone serious, I was not going to shut the door on possibility. I figured that if any of these ladies thought enough of me to stick with me and work to be with me then I would not have to worry so much about them just using me as a bridge or a tool to make others jealous. I am not saying I had them in a competition just saying that if you truly want something you will work for it.

I have still not yet moved on to a serious relationship with anyone. I still have a lot of personal issues and demons to deal with before bringing anyone in too close to me. Feelings are developing but to be fair to the other person as well as myself, I must sort out my mind and be absolutely sure of what I need and want. Which is really the way all relationships should be, no doubts, no hang ups.

So to sum up my relationship changes I have went from a serious relationship made me think I had my whole life planned out (and then like all good things must turn bad and end, so did that relationship), to realizing I have no clue where my personal life is heading, but I don't care because taking the time to get everything right first will pay off in the end results.

Who knows when the next chapter of this part of my life will begin? Who cares? I have realized that even the things that make you feel like your world is crumbling can be some of the best things to happen to you. The loss of my ex made me feel like shit, but now I know that I learned so much from all of the shit that went on that my eyes are much more open to the world and its contents.

Friends:

In the times you feel like everything is gone, you will realize who your friends are and you will then realize how lucky you are to have them. That is exactly what happened to me.

When I was down and felt the dark closing in, it was my friends that were my guiding light. They payed so much attention to me for so long that they gave up a lot so that I would be happy. Every weekend was planned with me in mind. They were they to hook me up with dates and help me get a confidence I never had before, a confidence that allowed me to talk to women I did not know (of course the beer helped me with that as well :-) ). They were they to laugh at my jokes and my stupid antics. They were there to listen to me whine, cry, laugh, yell, everything.

I have more friends than I could have ever fathomed before. I would not give one of them up. I have always heard "If you have just one true friend, you have more than most people." I have so many true friends that I know I have more than my share. Normally, I am not selfish but on this subject I will be. I don't care if I have more than my share, I am not letting any go. I will always be here for Justin, Sally, Pat, Nicole, Mike, Toni, Gary, Ozzy, Misty, Alan, Wally, Tina, Mikey, Tudor, Amy, Lori, Carla, Randy, Jamie, and of course the little people: Dalton, Dominic, and Katey. I know they will always be there for me.

Without knowing it they helped me gain a new outlook on life. They helped me realize that happiness had nothing to do with women, love, sex, or material. Happiness is about friends being there. It is about making others laugh. It is about your God son turning his hat around backwards and wanting to ride a motorcycle because "that's what Adam does". It is about your friends' son yelling "Coopedaddy, Coopedaddy, Coopedaddy" as soon as he hears my stereo or motorcycle. It is about my niece screaming "UNCLE ADAM IS HERE!!!!" as soon as she sees my vehicle. Happiness is about making people that you don't know smile and laugh enough so that they want to be around you again. It is about P-man, Bootie, and Coopedaddy doing Karaoke with absolutely no care about what anything thinks of them and just being idiots. Happiness is family, friends, kids, making people smile, making people laugh, making life fun.

My life is fun again and it is fun for the right reasons. It is fun for me and it is fun for my friends, and that is all that matters.

Hobbies:

"The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys." I don't necessarily call myself a man but the price of my toys have gone up. I seem to pick expensive hobbies to take up. I took up motorcycling last year and now I have taken up customization, which is not cheap. I enjoy it alot because you form the bike to you and not vice-versa. It takes time and money but in the end it is worth it because you have what you want. I would not give up the motorcycle hobby without a hell of a fight and I don't think I will ever have to, thank god.

I have also taken up basketball again, recently. I realized I needed to get back in shape, so I quit smoking and began playing basketball again. I forgot how much I enjoyed the game and now I try to play at three or four nights a week. I am still catching up on the cardio part of it but I am getting my shot and quickness back slowly. My ultimate goal is to dunk at least one more time before I get too old.

Then of course there is this website, which is a hobby that has taken a back seat to the others lately. I still enjoy working on this but on Sunny days I would much rather be outside riding or playing Basketball. I really enjoy heading out on the Motorcycle with no place to go and just ending up where I end up, it is a feeling of freedom to me and it is awesome. So as long as it is nice this site will take a back seat to the other hobbies, but this winter may be when it takes off again.

Smashing Pumpkins:

Throughout this last year of commentaries, I have made it abundantly clear that I am a Smashing Pumpkins fiend. I have bored you all with an entry that was entirely about Billy Corgan, the Pumpkins, and their music. I started putting lyrics to a Smashing Pumpkin's song in every commentary. I constantly reference the Pumpkins in every part of this site. I have most likely driven you all to hate the Smashing Pumpkins with my own infatuation.

I have been able to replenish my Pumpkins T-shirt collection after various ex's have taken off with my old shirts. Ebay has helped me with this greatly. I now have every shirt I used to have but two, plus many others I was unable to obtain before. Of course like I said before, Ebay is still an evil, evil site that will suck you dry if you don't watch it (see commentary entitled "The Evil Ebay" for a dramatization ..... over-dramatization).

I have also been able to increase my Billy Corgan/ Smashing Pumpkins/ Zwan music collection. I have enjoyed every moment of listening to them and like they did so many years ago, the Pumpkins helped me through another hard moment in my life. They helped me know I was not alone and that others felt just like me. That is why for this anniversary edition of my commentaries, I will be featuring the greatest song ever in the Pumpkins Song of the Moment. I hope you like it as much as I do.

Oh yeah, since it is the anniversary commentary I am also giving you a double shot of Billy Corgan. This is because the Various Artist song will be coming from Zwan, Billy Corgan's newest musical adventure. So I guess I am really running it all into the ground this time.

Relief, Relief, the closing at last:

Yes, after a whol lot of babbling I am finally nearing the end of this edition of "Coopedaddy's Commentaries". Like many times before I apologize for the lengthy, rambling nature of this commentary. I was hoping for a slightly better one year anniversary but this will have to do.

I want to thank everyone who joined me on this one year electronic document ride. I hope you will all be right here with me for this next year and maybe just maybe, "this year will be better than the last" - Counting Crows, "Long December".

Thanks again, I love you all and look forward to another year with all of you.

I want a send a special thanks out to Michele, my cousin and very close friend for helping me so much in the last couple months. I love you.

Until next time,
Coopedaddy