I have made it back from another trip to the lovely continent of South America. Once again I kinda dreaded coming home. I don't know what it is but when I am away I don't think about stuff as much. As soon as the wheels touchdown in St. Louis everything floods back.

My ex has moved on to someone that I think will not be a good thing for her, but if that is what she wants then that is what she will have. I hope she doesn't get hurt or regret anything because, even though I know she is gone for good, I still care enough about her to not want her to be used. Unfortunately that is what I see happening. I can't do anything about that though because I have removed myself (or been removed from her life) and it is all up to her now. Good luck, Crystal.

That came back when I landed and all my self doubts and crap came back. I know it is just because of me that I feel this way so I am trying to work it out myself but before long I will be needing outside help. I have a handful of ladies that I am running around with but I am scared to get close to any of them because I am afraid of being hurt by someone or hurting someone. Basically I know it will just get fucked up in the end whether it be by me or them so why set myself up for that?

I am beginning to look for places to live since I have decided to move out at last. Right now I am looking around the Greene County area but once I get my vehicles paid off I am going to start looking for jobs in the southern states. I think a huge change of scenery will do me good. Somewhere that no one knows me will do me good. Somwhere without memories because, unlike all the momentoes and things you keep from the past, memories can't be disposed of. They can be avoided though and that might be what I need to do.

I am just looking for ways to deal with all the emotions I have ripping me up right now. I hate being depressed and I hate being down so I need to find away around it. I know alot of it will be gone when I better myself closer to where I think I should be. The rest will be better when I listen to this song by the group The Hives. It is called "Find Another Girl":

Sometimes it is hard to realize that this is what you must do. But when your past love is finding herself another guy, you have to open your eyes and forget about the hopes and dreams you were holding on to so stubbornly and try to find new hopes and dreams. I have plenty of opportunities to find the new ones but for now I think I better just try to have as much fun as possible. In other words it is time I hop out of here and get started on the fun.

So I will catch you all at a later time, maybe in a different place but until then, "Live fast, die young, leave a good corpse," because time ain't gonna stop for none of our asses, that is why we need to act now and not wait for tomorrow.

Live fast,
Coopedaddy

A true story about a former Milwaukee Brewers draft choice that got injured in the Minors. The Injury ended his career before it started, or at least that is the way it looked. He returned to his hometown and started a baseball program at the high school where he coached as well. While practicing he began throwing some pitches and the kids realized he still had what it took. The made a deal that eventually got the coach to go try out. He was picked up and sent to the Minor leagues and just when he was about to give up he was called up to the majors. A great movie showing that no matter what if you really want something you can achieve if you never give up.