Hello and welcome back to another one of my lovely commentaries. What will it be about today? You may be asking. That is a very good question. One that I have not given much thought to, but a good question just the same. Will it be about friends? No. Will it be about hobbies? No. Will it be about you? No. Will it be about a past experience that sucks? RING A DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!!! First of all I want to say that this is not a whine or give me sympathy piece. This is just to let people know that some things do scar and you should avoid them.

Many people think that words are just words and cannot hurt someone. Unfortunately, this is not always true. Many times kids are picked on and called all these degrading and hurtful things. To many adults they just see this as kids being kids but that is not the way we should look at it. We should see this and pull our children aside and tell them that their mean words can be harmful to people and that they should never do this. I am not saying that I have never done this but I am saying that I did not do it once I felt the hurt of it.

You may still be thinking it is just for fun and people who take it to heart are just too sensitive. I have to disagree with you though and let me tell you my story to help you understand what I mean.

I was a slightly strange-geeky-smart kid while I was growing up and I had been picked on quite a bit. I had gotten used to it and just let it go right on out my other ear. As High School rolled around the picking got worse because now you had a lot more kids to associate with. By my Junior year I had grown into my body a little better and I actually had girls wanting to date me. At the time I had never dated anyone and was in complete awe. I had no idea what to do about it either. So one day in study hall I was sitting at a table with some of my female friends and the homecoming queen (who I, like everyone else in school, had a thing for) and I was telling them about my situation and how I had no idea how to handle it. In the middle of the conversation another girl that none of us really liked showed up at our table and sat down. She asked what we were talking about and one of my friends told her. As soon as my friend finished she turned and looked at me and said, "Well I don't exactly see what they see in you. Personally I think you are kind of ugly." Is that some shit or what? Here I was having a wonderful day because women actually wanted me and this bitch says this shit. I just felt like a pile of trash after that. This girl was a horse-headed short dumpy chick that said this to me. I didn't say a word back to her I just picked up my things and went to the bathroom and cried. I never said I was a great looker but she still had to throw this into the conversation.

So what? you may be thinking. Well let me tell you. What do you think it does to someone who is finally getting a little confidence about themselves to be told something like that? It cuts like a knife is what it does. That cut of the knife then leaves a permanent scar on you. I have been told by many people that I could have damn near anyone I wanted but I have no self-esteem. Can I blame it all on that one incident? No, I cannot but that definitely was the one that hurt the worst. Lack of Self-esteem may very well be the whole reason that all of my relationships have failed, especially my last one. Without self-esteem while dating someone as hot and as good looking as Crystal that anyone was better than me and she could leave me in a heartbeat because I was not a very good catch. That caused me to controlling and made me want to keep her away from any guy I didn't know. Yes there was some worry of someone hurting her or worse there as well, and it was probably the most dominant feeling but would it have been better if I had self-esteem so I could say "Hey she wouldn't want to lose me so I am alright"? I think so because then I wouldn't have been so stressed when she wasn't around me and thus not been so testy when I talked to her afterwards. Maybe self-esteem would have added a little confidence to me that would have been the difference.

Then there is the issue of right now, being single. With a little self-esteem maybe I wouldn't be so damn scared of this. With a little self-esteem I might be out enjoying myself, hitting on chicks, and asking them to dance instead of sitting at the table with a tequila shot in one hand and a Miller Lite in the other, wishing some girl would show some interest in me. Let's face it even if a chick does think a guy is hot or good looking she usually won't make the move. She may initiate it with some eye contact, but with me eye contact is just them staring at the freak boy with bad hair, bad side burns, and bad fashion sense.

So would it have been any different if that stupid little bitch hadn't said anything to me and let me enjoy my moment in the sun? Who can say for sure, but I feel that it might have been. Maybe my self-esteem, if it hadn't been chopped down just when it was starting, would allow me to be more like myself when I was around members of the opposite sex in public, instead of the little shy oner boy in the corner. The only time I have moderate self-esteem is when I am with someone. That is the only time I don't feel like a fool. The downfall of this is that when relationships end I am right back to where I started. I wait for a girl to pick me up instead of trying to pick them up. Unfortunately not many girls are really interested in me based on my looks it takes the little bit a sweetness I have to win them over but they usually never see that because I don't have the confidence to go talk to them.

I believe that much of this stems from that little incident so long ago. I don't care what people say about how words cannot hurt you because I know they can. I have forgot so much about what went on in High School and College but I will never forget when she said that to me in December of 1994, it always seems like it was only yesterday. I do believe that moment has scarred me and I am not just using that for an excuse. I just wish I could find out how my life would be right now if my self-esteem had been allowed to grow a little more. Maybe I could talk to people without feeling insignificant. Maybe I could have accomplished more in my professional life. Maybe I could have held on to a relationship. Maybe I could look in the mirror and not hate what I see staring back at me.

All I know for sure is that no young kid should have to deal with the insults, nagging, and harassment whether it scars or not. Teach you children that it is not right to do. If I ever have children I want that to be one of the most important lessons I teach them.

I leave you with this. Find someone to love. Love one another and support one another. Enjoy life to its fullest and may your everyday be filled with happiness.

Goodbye,
Coopedaddy

Catholicism's worst nightmare. This hilarious take on the religion is truly a juvenile laughfest. This is another one of Kevin Smith's babies, with all the classic characters from past movies. Jay and Silent Bob make their return as profits, Matt Damon (Loki) and Ben Affleck (Bartleby) play two fallen angels with hopes of going back to heaven. This movie is a nonstop rollercoaster of hilarious dialogue and hilarious action. All of this along with the surprising appearance of "God" at the end of the movie makes this movie a must see, especially if you are a fan of Jay and Silent Bob.