St. Valentine's Day approaches closer and closer. To many this day is a celebration of love and joy. It used to be the same to me but now it is a constant mocking of my lack of charm, charisma, and relationship. It is a constant reminder of many lonely days and years and all of the lost hopes along the way. What will I do for my first Valentine's Day alone in nearly 5 years? The same thing I did the last time. Get to the bottom of every bottle I see.

I used to know that every Valentine's would come and go and be just another day for me. Now that I have known the feeling of love and hope this day is something I may never again feel happy with. Many have said "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". These people can kiss my ass because if you never loved then you never know the heartache of not loving or losing the love. Those feelings are worse than any other I have ever experienced and I would much rather have never known love than feel this now.

I know I am not a great catch. I am out of shape, not good looking, and my low self esteem makes it hard for me to sell myself to someone. Everyone has something they would change about themselves if they could and so do I, I would be an emotionless asshole that so many women are attracted to. I hate caring but it is all I know to do. Why can't I just be numb to everything?

Everyone says this is the day to show your love to the one you feel it for, but they don't know a damn thing. This is a day for all of us loners to feel even more like losers than we did yesterday. It is a day for Fake-ass boyfriends and girlfriends to accept the gift their hard earned money bought while they mess around behind their lover's back. This is a day for Hallmark to cash in on a lot of relationships that won't even be there next year. It is a day for oh too many abandoned loves to become extremely depressed and end it all. Is it their fault or the morals of all the people that hurt them? Humans are a cruel group. The dominant ones seek out the weaker ones and destroy their self-esteem to make themselves feel larger. This day is nothing more than a steaming pile and should have never been made a holiday.

St. Valentine's Day is nothing but heartache and pain to me now. Some day it will be just another day again, not special, not horrible, but until that day, I will trudge through it like I have done many times before.

To all of my pals that made the life long bachelor toast with me and didn't hold up to it, I ain't mad at ya (I am envious of you), but I may be the only one who succeeds (or fails depending on how you look at it).

I'm all by myself as I've always felt.... Here's to the comfort in being sad. Cheers.

Coopedaddy