The Story of the Second Story I had this plan. I found some property real cheap so I went to look it over. It had possibilities even though it was a bit on the downside you might say. It was on a steep hillside. There was enough room for a large house on the flat part of it. If you build the house 9 stories high and about 16 foot wide by 20 foot long. Even then I�d have to park in the neighbors yard. He already frowned on that is why he moved here he said. After I brought in my fleet of cars he screamed bloody murder. He said in order to park on city property I needed tags and inspection sticker on them. Well dam! The only one runnin is my winchtruck. And he expects me to buy tags and stickers for the other 20? Hahaha. Not in this lifetime hombre. So needless to say he won�t let me park on his grass no more. EVER. Besides, Betty Sue replaced all his wife�s rose bushes. And I replaced the Japanese lookin thing in the yard. Think he called it a pagoty or pagota or sumpin like that. Flimsy things. Can�t even hold up a motor on a pulley. Them rafters creaked an hollered on every motor. The last one the diesel engine was the last straw. You remember that one. I put it in the boat then had to replace it with the jet aircraft engine. Nother story. Hmmm. I bought the property. I figgered if I put in some poles and attached beams for runners I could put my Motor Home (travel trailer full of car motors I save and work on) on it out over the steep part. All went well after me and Bubba (my wife�s 1st cousin and ex husband) got the columns in place and welded the beams to the top of them making sure everything was perfectly level. We set a large mouth tea glass on them to level and when the tea ran over the sides loppy sided it needed an adjustment. You know they wanted almost $20 for a level at Berts general store?. Jeeze. That�s outrageous when you have a cabinet full of jelly jar glasses. Everything went smooth UNTILL!!. You had to crawl in the front winder to get in and out. The front and back doors were on the side. This called for a new plan. We pulled the motor home/travel trailer off the skids and replaced it with a used double wide trailer I got at a Govt. sale after the Governor moved the State Capitol into a larger triple wide. You may ask why they moved out of the double wide. Well let me tell ya. You ever heard the expression "When the shit hits the fan" before? Well somebody threw a lit cigarette into the open cesspool which happened to be right under the evaporative air conditioner. The methane gas Bubba was savin there to run his lawnmower (which I converted for him being the engineer that I am) exploded. Needless to say it raised a "Big Stink" with the city council who incidentally were holding a town meeting in that room. By the way. The city shares the same building as the governor who happens to also be the mayor. And also the dogcatcher since the governors brother went to jail after the moonshine sting. The neighboring county got jealous we were sellin more than they were. Didn matter much about the dogcatcher tho since we all knew the sound of everyone�s dogs at night on coon hunts and such. Sometimes Red Deer. That�s deer in a red head light. Where was I? Oh yeah. My new homestead project. I heard some say this wasn�t a homestead it was a home "instead". Don�t bother me none. I heard em say stuff like that about all my other bright ideas to. Yeah I know. Some came short of working like I planned but I paid back ever last cent on the damages. Like for instance Bubbas lawn mower that runs on methane gas. The prototype had a few bugs in it like it blew the spark plug plum thru a picher winder. I had the winder from the combine cab off the boat and another in the helicopter. You remember them 2. Well nuther story, never mind. After I got the mower runnin again the methane gas had so much power it sucked the motor right off the frame breakin bolts an all. After I welded it to the frame it just hovered over the lawn about two foot high it had the blades turnin so fast. I fixed that. I made a form around the motor and poured concrete in it leavin holes to put in gas and oil. I also covered the spark plug so it�d quit blowin put. hope that plug lasts a while. Be hard to chip that much cement out from around it just to replace the plug. I finnaly got it built and ready for another test run. Bubba borrowed a forklift from work and we moved it to the back yard (away from big winders). It worked great after we put more wheels on it since it was so heavy. Them there plastic ones just won�t hold up. It�s got 13 inch Toyota wheels and tires now for the 4 wheeled drive it takes to move that monster. He also made money on the side cause it doubled as a packer for gravel driveways and foundations on new houses as well. The city got mad we were tearin up the streets when we moved it since we tore up the forklift last time we moved it. So we can only come to your house if you live on a dirt road or gravel street. That�s no problem. the only 4 paved streets in town go to the State Capitol building and they won�t let us on their property anyway. I was helping them move the new triple wide Capitol Building moble home and nobody told me you had to take em apart. I was hitched onto one side goin down the hi-way and the other side looked like a side car on a motorcycle. That is till I got on the freeway. I didn�t know that side stuck out that far. I didn�t have long enuff mirror brackets to reach that far out. they said I�d get what I had coming with my part in towing after the lawsuit was settled. Get what I had coming was what worried me. I�ve heard that phrase before. I was gonna buy the property below me and expand but it�s no good to me since my insurance company bought it and planted all them trees on it. They claimed it�d stop my stuff from gettin on the freeway (again). I had a few motors and transmissions get away from me and roll down the hill several times and maybe one or two vehicles. I can�t help it if they fall off the jack and get away. Sometimes I think the kids are doing it just for the ride. They�re always the 1st ones on the scene and I never see em pass me. By the way. Bubbas lawn mower can and will take out a full grown tree. I know. We had to find jobs for the mower just to keep from ridin it two days for nothin to get it back home round the winding mountain roads back to the house. I tried to get a semi to haul it for us but the guy said the truck and trailer both would be in the shop with major damage for 3 to 6 months after the lawn mower hit it going down the hill. It wasn�t all our fault. Some of the trees hit it to doin most of the damage since the mower was behind them how can they blame us? I know. The mower knocked down the trees but that�s beside the point and Bubba my lawyer argued that point in court. He said: It was an indirect accident caused by an act of God. Meaning The God *&%#$*# mower can�t be stopped or slowed down by a human. (we�re in our last appeal now.) Well we got the doublewide on the runner beams finally after some trial and error. It seem you can�t put a 30 ft. wide building on 8 ft. wide frames. We decided to add 2 more columns on each side at the end and put one section on then another in front of it. Took dang near all my property doin it. No. we couldn�t make it wider. That part is for the future garage since Betty Sue started hollerin she wants the truck out of the kitchen AND put the wall back up. Well that�s no problem. I saved the wall all in one piece and tried using it for a deck. It worked great till people started stepping thru the sheet rock even after I painted lines over the studs to walk on. Jeeze. Some people. Now we had both sections of the trailer on the beams. Next step was makin a door in the middle to get from one to the other then replace the front wall and put inb a door entry. That should be easy. The door will take out most of the holes where people stepped thru the sheet rock. It was a deck remember. Remind me to remove the wrought iron railings as Betty Sue complains bumping into them goin to the fridge. I�ll unbolt the hot tub I had on the deck later after it cools down. You know them cast iron bathtubs with the feet get hotter�n hell in the sun. besides Betty Sue is using it as is on the wall for her jelly jar collection and bags of dog food. The dogs can�t reach that high. Or can�t after I move the truck out. The house is finished now and the view is breathtaking. After we removed the black plastic from the sides and replaced it with Plexiglas you can see both sides of the mountain. You can see the right side from the front section and the left side from the back section. It�s awsum. They�ve never been over to see it but I hear the neighbors sayin that standin in their yards watchin us. The 2 car garage is another story now. I carefully measured the car and multiplied it by 2 and added 2 foot between to walk. We got the columns and beams in and the building set. Now I drove the car in then the pickup truck. I stood back in the driveway and hit the remote. Dowwwwwwwwwwn went the door. Uppppppppp went the door. Downnnnnnnnn went the door. Upppppp wen��. Ok problem. the truck is longer than the car and more so with the tailgate down. I�ll fix it later now its time for a beer. Well Betty Sue got tired of the door opener noise so she pushed the car forward with the truck just a little bit. When the front bumper of the car is against the wall a little bit is too much. Its now hanging over the trees and the front wheels dangling in the air. I told her don�t touch anything till it�s finished. Told her and told her ever since we been married. I said I�d fix it and I will. First I need to bypass the safety switch that makes it go back up after hittin somethin. Besides it�ll make a good can smasher. It worked pretty good as it didn go back up but when it hit the tailgate it raised the front end and now the tires are on the trunk of the car. At least the door shuts now. the push thru the wall didn hurt the car none. I had a push bumper from a wrecker on it. Gonna be hard to check the oil and wiggle the battery cables tho. BETTY SUE. DID YOU CHECK THE OIL IN UR CAR? THAT�S OK HON I�LL CHECK IT. AND STOP USING THAT LANGUAGE�. THE KIDS MIGHT HEAR YOU��. IT WAS? �..BOBBY JOE, JENNY LOU YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW�. I STILL GOT GRANNIES SOAP WE WASH THE DOG AND SKUNK SMELL OFF WITH. ��YOU HEAR?� Wow it got quiet. Hey Betty Sue comere an lookit this wreck down on the freeway. Looks like they�re wavin at us. Ut Oh!!!. Betty Sue! Is the car still in the garage? From here it looks like fists they�re so small and can�t see their fingers. Oops. There�s a finger. The Hawaiian good luck symbol. I return the good luck sign and mutter thanx. Betty Sue that reminds me of your father. He was always giving me that sign. Lord knows I need the luck. I�m already plannin for the future. If the State Capitol enlarges again I�ll get the triple wide and mount the third one on top for an upstairs for our growing family. I know Betty Sue but she�ll change her mind about marriage when she�s older. I know she�s 23. Wouldn�t you like to have another one like her Betty Sue? BETTY SUE!! UNLOCK THIS DOOR�� 1-2-3-4�.. I HEAR YOU AT THE WINDER. DO YOU NO GOOD WE�RE ON A MOUNTAIN. Dam. A rope ladder. I wondered how she disappeared so fast sometimes. The masked Writer � 2003 T Lovett |
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