| Camp, Living on the Edge I�m the worlds worst at packing "necessities" for camping. I could live with hauling my needed equipment in an 18 wheeler and try to get by on some things we didn�t have room for. LMAO. I once had a van we packed and a pickup bed trailer which I put another ball/hitch on the back so we could pull the boat we also packed full. Why pull an empty boat? The when we all wanted to go out on the lake for the day we�d pack along the valuables to keep someone from stealing it from camp which included everything we brought. Needed a ferry for the van though. I know. I�m thinking "fairy" right now. In fact, a fairy IN the van. Hmmm. Ok, back to camp. Finally I decided to try a house boat. Was ok for some things but way too slow for water skiing cause with the wind here we kept running into the back of the houseboat as we went faster than it did. Hurts like hell in swimming trunks. Tractor inner tube was better but still not fast enough cause the wake would drown you but at least it made a good water bumper car. We held our own races. Sometimes when wind was just right the inner tube would beat the houseboat. I had a plan. I tried the motor from the 18 wheeler. After all what good was the semi now we had the house boat and without an engine the cargo trailer made a nice addition on the house. NOTE. When placing an 1,800 pound engine inna boat place it on a bigger one and at least put it in the center of the boat, not in the back end, or bottom end as it is now. Scuba gear is high too. It did save money though. We used the scuba gear instead of a fish locator and saved some there. I tried using oxygen bottles from my welding truck but none of us could get off the bottom so we just sat and watched the fish till we ran out of air. Now I have my winch line off the welding truck to bring up the empty oxygen bottles. The first dive for the overbalanced houseboat we had to rearrange the dining table. The boat had its nose in the air and sitting like a begging dog. I always wanted an Indian name for my boat so we called this one "Begging Dog Hates water". My son has a controversial name also. When he was born I wanted to name him after my Alma mater and use an Aggie name. My wife wanted an Indian name. We compromised and called him "Running Dumb-ass" I placed the dining table on the back wall which was now the floor and sat with our heavy oxygen bottles weighing us down while we ate. Hmmmm. School must be out. I just saw a whole bunch of sand bass going by. The water dogs (our two poodles) hung like balloons on their air hoses we duct taped to their mouth. We ate as fast as we could from the store brand can of stuff for dinner. Might as well it was watered down so much anyway. At least the dishes were easy to wash down there. The drainer was worthless. I knew I shoulda bought the rubbermaid. Don�t even think it. I am already. Geeze. Sex sex sex. Ok. new plan. New plan. I bought a surplus aircraft jet engine from Uncle Sam�s Gift Shop. After a week of fitting the engine just right and guard rails around the back where the flame came out. I had to do that. I already lost the new cargo trailer addition to the house when the test run produced flames 10 foot long burning it to the ground in seconds. Now we were ready. Ahhhhh, it looked beautiful. My wife and kids did a great job cleaning up the boat after it sat on the bottom for over a month. The artificial brass trim spray painted gold was the side rails off a Ford pickup and the car top snow ski rack looked nice as an observation deck on top if you didn�t stand up. I took the bull nose top off a horse trailer and fitted it on the bow with a carved figure head. It was the cheapest I could find when Jack -in-the Box went out of business. Now for the maiden voyage. The excitement was too much. I could see it in my family�s eyes. It looked like fear to others but I knew once I untied them and we were on the water they would appreciate it. The wife insisted this time we buy real life jackets. The Hoppity Hop Balls were to slick to hold onto. Again I went to Uncle Sams Gift Shop. With a little embroidery the olive drab jackets from a naval destroyer would look great. The daughters needed some tailoring as hers was a big as she was. even a Black Marks-a-Lot made the name tags more personal. We were finally on the water. I crossed my fingers and my wife read from the Bible saying prayers and bless us all. I finally got far enough from shore they quit going to the bathrooms and accidentally locking themselves in. I�d already learned to take the car keys as several times I had to hitch hike home and retrieve them they saying they forgot something. Yeah, ME!!!!! I flipped the switch, turned on the fuel valve. Ignited the pilot light I�d taken from the hot water heater in the burned cargo trailer. I listened while the injectors I robbed from the semi�s diesel engine I adapted to the jet engine hummed and throbbed. I had almost 200 gallons of super unleaded (nothing but the best for me) I figured it would get us across the lake where we could fuel up again. People tried to tell me it would take a higher grade aircraft fuel for the jet engine but I brushed it off. Dammit, couldn�t they see it was on a boat now and not in an airplane! ��. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1111111111111111111111111111. BLAST OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. DAMMMMMMMMMMMM, YIKESSSSSSSSSSSSS, SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. After the Coast guard and Shore Patrol gathered my family and one of the dogs. I heard someone say the other one looked like it should have an apple in its mouth after going thru the engine. I vaguely remember him going by. At least the boat still floated. Or at least if should if I ever get it off those peoples land. Scared the chit out of their cows too. The rancher said even the bull was giving milk now. I barely remember seeing the livestock, or the dead stock that got in the way. I think my insurance might cover his barn but I�m not sure. The insurance company told me last time: "just one more time" so did that mean they would cover this one? This was one more! We lost the cabin before the first 100 yards. The other three miles just breezed by like in seconds we started and then stopped. I was pinned against the back rail by the "G" force and I swear I smelled smoke coming off the aluminum hull. If I hadn�t made a door in the front and back of the cabin I�d have been a sandwich. As it was the cabin passed around me and thankfully tore the fuel line loose or they said we�d have had to get interstate license to travel in a boat. I still had almost the 200 gallons of fuel I started with. The wife was so thankful (she said so in court) that she convinced me to get the life jackets. We could still see the red rubber rings tied on the railing where they�d been ripped from the Hoppity Hops. The Coast guard on an inland lake drew quite a crowd. They�d been called in for a search but stayed to help. It seems the pretty black box my daughter picked up at the gift shop went off and sent a signal a plane was down in our area. They estimated we hit a top speed of 8oo MPH. That was from the skid marks on land they tracked over 2 � miles. They said it was much faster on the water when we started seconds before. Well I�m back at my drawing board. My wife called me this week and said the kids are fine but still in therapy. She�s at her mothers she says. (She forgets I remember her mother died years before in my home made airplane episode.) at least we think she did. We never found her body or heard from her again. Ever hear the saying: Never travel faster than your angel can fly? Well I know I smelled burnt chicken feathers that day. None of my prayers on my new boat have been answered and I�m waiting on a sign from GOD now. WAIT!!!!!!!! Was that thunder I just heard? The Masked Writer � 2002 T Lovett. |