| Junkyard Dawgs (Redneck Series) Betty Lou was screamin at me get them tranies (transmissions) off the porch or she�s gonna havem hauled off. I got to lookin around and decided I had enuff junk to go into the salvage business. I still had one trannie in the bathtub I had to clean up. It was still a good un. Betty Lou said if I wanted to do that put a tub out back to clean my parts. An hour later she�s screamin bring that ^%$&%#$% bathtub back in the house where it belongs. Make up your mind Betty Lou. It was your idea. Well without the trannies on the porch to hold it down we lost it during the night when the wind got up. Betty Lou�s still limpin around. It�s almost 3 foot to the ground from the front door. Took her over an hour to gether eggs. Mr. Cally�s chicken house is almost a mile away and them crutches didn help any. Specially after his dog got after her. He never had a dog before. Somebody must be gettin his eggs sides us. Then on the way back she milks old man Cotters cow. I made her some hooks on the crutches so she could tote more. She still had to pass by Hershells garden. He was blamin us for his garden bein so bare till I hot glued some hooves on the bottom of Betty Lou�s boots now he thinks the cows done it. I even added a coon print on one boot. Now he spends the night waitin up on a one legged coon and sleeps durin the day so he don�t notice Betty Lou none. Well me an Bubba drug 4 ole cars to the top of Wallers Mountain to be crushed. The first one we forgot to take the wheels off and it took out a cabin plum west of where we let it go. We found out two miles of bobbed wire won�t slow a car down either. And it won�t pull one back up a mountain. Well we got 3 crushed anyhow. By the time they end over ended a couple hundred times and bounced offa the trees they was purty compact. The next bunch we took up we noticed the whole bottom of the mountain was lined with hunters. Seemed like the cars crashin down the mountain scared hell outta every deer in the county. We also got an extry junk car now. One ole boy ( a city slicker) ain�t got sense enuff to park his car away from the path we were sending ours down on. Tore hell outta that new SUV. We didn have to drag it up the mountain neither. It was purty much compact where it was. Well me an Bubba dug out the ole sawmill blade we put back a year ago and began cuttin them ole cars up. That durn blade was almost 12 foot high. We know it�ll cut a car in two cuz the first time we used it Bubba forgot to put the nut on the bolt and it come off. Missed the log we were cuttin altogether and cut a semi trailer in half four miles away on the inner state. That baby was haulin now it come off that motor. Brings a whole new meanin to a side of beef. Went right through Henry Watkins herd. The truck was refrigerated so with a little work we made the front half into a huge freezer. We drug a few from Watkins farm before he got ther raisin cain and we got enuff meat to last several years. I got an idea after that an me an Bubba took the saw blade and motor off up to Junction Holler wher there�s a huge stand of cane. We turned the motor on its side and turned it on. Bubba couldn�t take the nut off with it runnin so we shut it down and tied a wrench on it and fired it back up. It worked but we didn find the wrench for a several years later buried half way in a tree almost a hundred yards away. that blade come off and cut nearly an acre of cane till it hit Winford Falls dam. We gotta new spillway now but one railroad trestle over the gorge is a foot shorter and rocks when a train goes over it. We got over 1,200 cane poles off that job and sold em to a fishin store over in Brian County. We didn dare sell em in our own county as it was a Govt. wildlife preserve we found out. We took fifty cars to the salvage yard. Took almost half of every car and truck I had but I knew the way things were goin I�d get more soon. Seems like every time I turn around another car or truck gets damaged. Well while me an Bubba was at the salvage yard we saw the coolest thing we ever saw. It was a crane with a huge magnet on it. I wanted one. $350,000 YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN ! ? So we figgered out all u had to do was wrap somethin metal with copper wire and sock electricity to it. I had plenty of copper wire after haulin the helicopter to Lake of the Tall Pines (renamed Lake of the Short Pines later). I didn�t know u could fold them helicopter blades back outta the way and it took out about 15 power poles on the way. One fell across the patrol car was following me so that kept him busy till I lost sight of him. Ok we borried ole man Saks tractor with the front end loader on it and tied a rope to it and hauled the copper wrapped metal up and turned on the switch to the 48000 volt power line I tapped into on the utility pole nearby. HOLY SHITTTTT. !!!!!. It wasn�t hangin far enuff away from the tractor and when Bubba saw it comin he bailed off. We still can�t get it pried off the tractor. It made a permanent magnet with that much power after it blew the fuses. Not just the ones on the pole but all the way back to the power plant. Morton County was out of electricity for 2 days. And if you walk by Saks tractor today it�ll still rip your pockets off if you have any metal in them. That tractor is covered with knives and watches. Now I have to find Betty Lou another cast iron bathtub. I did manage to salvage 500 pounds of copper wire off it but we still can�t pry it off the tractor so Sak is usin it for a tool box. Or tried to. He just can�t get the wrenches out of it. He don�t even need a hitch pin he backs up to a plow. It just attaches its self. He finally learned to back up to it and not drive by it to. You can still get in and out of the tractor cab if you crawl thru the window. Bubba took that out when he bailed out. Well the cab is all metal and so are the doors. You ever hear of magnetic latches? You ever see one with over a 1000 pounds pull? It�s like the doors are welded shut. There�s also a set of dentures stuck on the windshield. We found out the wire in Saks weren�t titanium like the dentist said. Saks hired hand quit him. He has a steel pin in one leg and a metal plate in his head. Took 3 hours to get him out of that tractor. They had to wrap him in lead sheets so that made him weigh almost as much as the tractor but they got him out. He had a hellava headache. He was 30 foot away when it grabbed him. Hey Bubba! Here comes the Sheriff so how�s about you an me goin to get a cold beer fore he gets here. UT OH !. Here comes Betty Lou with her hair up to. I bet she was gonna take a bath. Cmon Bubba hurry. Lets goooooooooo The Masked Writer � 2003 T Lovett |