If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be suprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food from this store.
The first Southern statement to crep into a transplanted northerner's vocabulary is the adgective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
"He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a southerner exclaim, "Hey y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. Theser are likely to be the lst words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not, you just have to go there.
Do not be suprised to find that 10 year olds own their own shotguns. They are proficient marksmen, and thier mamas taught them how to aim.
NORTH VS. SOUTH
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes. The South has 'mater samwitches.
The North has coffee houses. The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services. The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names. The South has double first names.
The North has an ambulance. The South has an amalance.
The North has Cream of Wheat. The South has grits.
The North has green salads. The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters. The South has crawfish.
MORE ABOUT LIFE IN THE SOUTH
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway (or waiting for a train).
Vacation means going to the family reunion.
You measure distance in minutes.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.
Your school classes were cancelled because of heat.
There are times you have to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
Stores don't have shopping carts, they have buggies.
You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain or animal.
You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
You know what cow tipping and snipe hunting is.
You only own three spices: tony's, ketchup, and Tabasco.
Thelocal papers cover national and international news on one page, but requires six pages for sports.
You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1,000 or more.
Going to Wal-Mart is favorite past time known as "goin' to Wally World"
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
You can be satisfied with a meal consisting of only a hunk of bread with flavored flour and water (a delicacy known as biscuits n' gravy).