I shave my legs,

 I sit down to pee.

And I can justify any shopping spree

 Don't go to a barber,

 but a beauty salon.

I can get a massage without a

hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,

I can pump my own gas.

 Can talk to my friends about the size

of my ass.

 My beauty's a masterpiece,

and yes, it takes long.

 At least I can admit to others when

I'm wrong.

 I don't drive in circles, at any cost.

And I don't have a problem admitting

I'm lost.

I never forget,

 an important date.

 You just gotta deal with it, I'm

usually late.

I don't watch movies,

 with lots of gore.

 Don't need instant replay to remember

 the score.

I won't lose my hair,

don't get jock itch.

call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends,

Oh yeah, I can get her.

In your dreams, my dear, I can do better!

 Flowers are okay,

 But jewelry's best.

Would you look at my face,

Not at my chest!

I don't have a problem,

With Expressing my feelings.

I know when you're lying because you

look at the ceiling.

Don't call me a girl,

 A babe or a chick.

I am a WOMAN, Get it, you prick?!