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| Top 5 Violent Games That Kept Me From Going Insane This Year |
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| 2008 was a weird one. It had some good stuff: Obama getting the presidency, Palin jokes etc... But it was not without its downs: The Recession, the failing economy, the global warming thing. And you might wonder what kept me ticking all this time. Well... |
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| The Tekken series is the epitome of the fighting game. It boasts classic fighting elements, throws in good story and even a mini-game or two. It kicks ass period. Sadly, I�ve neglected to pay homage to the Tekken fighting spirit, and I regret to say that the PlayStation controller at home has taken on a green layer of slime. Of course events such as the unravelling of this crap economy and the whole global warming thing did wonders to my psyche. |
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| 5) TEKKEN 5 |
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| 4) GOD OF WAR II |
| It was indeed a crap year. It�s nothing short of lucky that I own a copy of Tekken 5. And I must say, the game allows for some release of emotional tension. The kicking of pixel ass is quite cathartic. Plus if you�re a fan of modern mixed martial arts (which I am) you�ll undoubtedly swerve for Craig Marduk. Now here�s a man intent on flipping the tables when it comes to combat. For all this time, I�ve been making use of Marduk�s innate size, strength and wrestling takedowns. And when Marduk takes you down, there�s no way for you to get up without quaffing a few pints. I�ve punched in two-three hours easy, honing my abilities with this muscle shark. Needless to say, if I play Tekken 5 with you using Craig Marduk � I will smash you. Other then that, I highly recommend that you grab a copy of Tekken 5. Or if you�re a PS3 type of person, Tekken 6. |
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| The Art Blade is at least time-and-a-half larger then Kratos and every time you use it, it�s like using a lightsabre to butter toast � it just isn�t necessary. Of course, one mustn�t discount the plethora of combos out there as well as the kill sequences that result in utterly gory ends for Centaurs and the like. So back to the positive consequences of GOW. Whenever I�m bored, and Tekken 5 just isn�t doing it, I resort to this. It�s got a healthy combination of violence, indecency and mini-puzzles. I say that GOW is a classic. It has definitely kept this year semi-interesting and has even beat out a lot of new releases this year�or has it? |
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| God Of War II is also another good excuse to mow down countless enemy advances. I prefer this feature a little more then the Dynasty Warrior series because it�s a lot less conservative (ahem). So as for the therapeutic benefits in partaking in GOWII gameplay, I don�t see the need for elaboration. Case in point, whenever I�m surrounded by harpies (and it has to be harpies) I have a predilection for using the Artemis Blade. You may likely deduce that the Artemis Blade is some irregularly sized weapon that inflicts unnecessary amounts of damage on foes � and you�re absolutely right. |
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| 3) LEFT 4 DEAD |
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| Left 4 Dead was released this year and I am somewhat impressed by the lack of presence that needs to go with this game. This is to say that on most occasions when I�m playing L4D, I�m busy doing something else (playing Tekken 5). Don�t misunderstand and think that I�m bashing the game. I�d like to say that most titles developed under Valve Corporation using the Source engine is always sure to be a safe bet. Accordingly, there�s nothing out of the ordinary in L4D; There�s just dozens and dozens of zombies. |
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| With that being said, the one thing I really don�t like is the lack of weapons. There are perhaps six firearms up for grabs in which two of them are outlandishly useless (Uzi & M1911). I think I speak for everybody when I say that shooting ineffective bullets into an angry, man-eating crowd is tantamount to dipping oneself in bloody tallow then waving to the sharks en masse. It�s just asking for trouble. And when the waves and waves of undead charge at you, there�s no choice but to click the crap out of the mouse. But that�s the beauty of it: hundreds and hundreds of moving bulleyes to shoot at with nigh-unlimited ammunition. The rhythmic *click* sound that stems from this crazed experience combined with the mindless spraying of guns is very, very entertaining. I remember a time during online play when my friend found an unbreakable door that could sustain bullets, pipe bombs and Tanker strikes. NOTHING could get past it. Zombies were chasing us and my friend locked me out. |
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| I called him something inappropriate shortly after. He sat next to me and laughed uncontrollably then went back to the Tekken 5 game. After three minutes of carnage and using the crap out of the M1911, my friend opened the door, fired a few rounds, and then handed me a pick-me-up. With my health replenished, I shot him in the face 6 times, showed him some Warrior Jujitsu (a really well-placed melee attack) threw a pipe bomb onto the floor and got behind the titanium door. The bomb blew up. My friend lay on his ass accompanied by an army of teeth on legs. Oh he kept on swearing and saying stuff like �You think this is funny?� I for one did not care and so I did think it was really funny. Of course I ended up losing the campaign because I had like, no bullets left. But all in all Left 4 Dead is essentially the only FPS shooter that I�ve spent time on during this year. It showed me some bite-sized insanity and kept me from being incontinently bored. |
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| 2) RATCHET AND CLANK: GOING COMMANDO |
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| I�ve always enjoyed the Ratchet And Clank series. I know that Going Commando is actually fairly old in the gaming world but it�s eye opening. It lays down some classic gaming ploys. Large weapons. Upgradeable weapons. Big explosions. Corny jokes. All of these I like. Again, just like all previous and subsequent instalments, Ratchet starts out with some relatively puny weapon but eventually gets his hands on some space-bending, physics-defying thing. And in the spirit of destruction, the Ratchet And Clank series doesn�t let up. There�s the auto rocket launcher, the gun that turns things into sheep and the gun that makes all enemies in immediate vicinity vanish � as in poof. It�s seriously refreshing to play a game that returns to the basic action themes of mayhem, destruction and lack of explanation. And these classic elements are what give it the number two spot. |
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| 1) KATAMARI DAMACY |
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| Do not be swayed by the colourful, kid-proof packaging. Katamari Damacy holds a deliciously violent premise. For those that don�t know the plot, here goes. The planet-sized King Of All Cosmos �accidentally� wipes out all the planets, stars and solar systems from the sky after a binge drinking stint. I like it so far. He gets his son to run to Earth with an alien ball affectionately known as a Katamari to collect enough matter to substitute the stars and planets. Hold on a minute. Does nobody see it? |
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| It puts a new spin on smashing things and it hides violence behind the innocuous E rating. Hell, it�s a lot more interesting then spewing out slugs from an AK. So let�s go through the criteria. Is the game creative? Check. Does it involve smashing? Check. Is it entertaining? Check. I love Katamari, you should too. It was the defining game of its release year and I guarantee you�ll reach for it during the big 09� |
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| Could he not just pull them out of a hat? No. He instead sends his son to steal things that belong to another species in order to pollute space with earth crap. And it�s not as if using the Katamari is particularly bloodless. Remember, the Katamari requires a lot of rolling. In fact, that�s all it does. So here you are running down and sticking up corporate buildings, poodles, park benches, voiceless protestors, Hyundais, and cats. You then propel them into airless space. Nobody on earth has evidently done anything to stop this. And for that reason, I really enjoy Katamari Damacy. |
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