**My Mind**

*OK, so these are some of the things that run through my mind a lot. I think about them before I give an actual opinion. Most people say that I over-think and that it's bad for me, but eh, when I'm alone, what else can I do?

*Contrary to popular belief, guys aren't always on my mind. :-P

*Call this the more serious side of me, the side that most people don't really see. Yeah, I'm care-free for the most part, but it's serious stuff like this that I want to avoid. Like I said, it's not that I don't have an opinion for politics and other crap. It's just that I don't give a rat's ass. But eh, I decided to put this other side of me because, hey, I did say it was going to be 210% me. ^_^

*Of course there will always be things that I will NEVER put on this page, things that you need to ask and I'll tell you personally about, so technically it's not all me. We all have a personal life, and I'm more open with mine than most people, so consider this page--really, my whole webpage in general--a priviledge and a blessing. You're getting to know me even more!

**Just another disclaimer: IT IS OK IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH HALF THE CRAP I WRITE. THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, OH WELL. I wouldn't mind another opinion, though. I like talking about some of this stuff. I don't expect you to take my words as what is "right," (that's so subjective, anyway), nor am I expecting you to take what I say as "wrong." (Also subjective). The purpose of this is to 1) make you think, and 2) share this part and side of me. And for those more "close-minded" (IMHO), criticize me all you want--I'll just listen and not really care. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? Who ever told you that you can make judgements like that? Don't judge me because of my opinions and views--judge me on the way I think, the way I come to conclusions. Judge me for me. And if you don't want to do that, either, just don't judge at all. I'm sharing a part of me--I don't see YOU doing that. :-P

*Sides, if you judge right away, you might be missing out on a possible friend for life ^_^ .

So first thing's first: Why "Incomplete"? My outlook on life.

No, it's not because of the Backstreet Boys / Sisqo song, although I'll admit that the title did catch my eye. Maybe some of you can figure it out, but I decided that it's a great representation of me and this website.

"Incomplete" is what I think of life right now. Everything hasn't ended yet, and some things won't end, like love, your family... things like that. It's really like my journey through life is incomplete, me myself is incomplete (is that even grammatically correct?)... Incomplete is my whole outlook on life. I have discovered some things, but not all things, and I won't even after I die.

But eh, I want to make the most of life. I want to make it as complete as possible, to learn and experience as much as possible. It's one reason why I chose Pomona. I was confined at home with my family, and I need to discover the world "on my own."

As for this website, it's always going to be incomplete because I'll be adding more to what I have now, things like music lyrics, lessons learned, experiences, more of the people I meet... It's never going to be finished, but my goal is to make life as complete as possible.

Being incomplete to me also means that's there's always room for improvement, so I'm trying to improve myself and the way I look at things. I know I'm not perfect, and even though I strive for perfection every day, I know it's never going to happen. But eh, I want to be as close to it as possible, as subjective as that topic is. Same goes for the website. It's the perfect title, no?

As for life in general, well, I've come to learn my senior year of high school that life is a paradox. I don't want to go into so much detail because I think it's something people need to experience and learn for themselves, but think about it. In general, it's like one thing is the right, but another thing that's the complete opposite is also right. A great example would be following your heart and/or your mind. Two different views, two different outcomes.

To me, what's most important is not what you chose, but what you make out of the outcome/decision. You can't change the past--you just gotta keep on making that lemonade, even with bad lemons. Maybe that's why I'm so indecisive. Or maybe it's a girl thing....

...What did I tell you? O_____o

On my life, specifically: I guess although life is a paradox, it seems like mine has been all about self discovery. I'm still so unsure how I'll end up ultimately, and what I'll be doing in the next year or so. I've learned so much, though, and I am thankful for everything. Life these past 19 years has taught me that I'm so damn naive, and I have so much to learn. And even so, there are people that can learn from me, such as my friends, and my sister in particular.

I've relied on other sources to help guide me, things like inspirational quotes (some of which I have here), my mom, who has guided me all my life, career-wise (even though I complain about her a lot), and a few of my friends. I guess it's an inspiration.

I've grown and matured so much that it amazes me sometimes. I feel I have this professional persona that can intimidate people. It's a shock to me because I used to be so closed up, and my old self knew so little...

In many ways, though, I have so much to learn. I guess because of that, I sometimes come off as a drama queen. Stuff pops up every now and then, and I just don't know how to deal with it sometimes other than asking my friends what to do. I do know and understand that the people I care about that hear me rant like that get really annoyed, but I guess that shows how much growing up I need to do and that I'm never going to be a one-man island. I'm naive, and my friends know it. But what they understand, I believe, especially my Posse, is that I know I need to grow and that I know that I'm closed up in some bubble that I want to break. I think at one meeting, they told me that I was like an ice skating rink because I can see through and understand everything around me, and that I can see through myself and others... or something like that. And they also said I was the half circle because, like the title, I'm not "complete" yet and I still need to find out who I am.

Well, but after watching the movies "The Family Man," I'm having my doubts about discovering myself. This one quote in particular stuck out:

"Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because you're a little unsure of who you are."

On learning: Like I said, I have so much more to learn, but some of the things I've learned is that being closed up leaves you so bitter. Discrimination sucks big time, but you gotta learn how to suck it up and move on. People like that aren't worth your time, and they'll end up paying for it eventually. I've learned to count my blessings often, and that having connections is how you'll make it in life. I've learned to be more well-rounded and open-minded. These are all lessons learned from experiences, and I realize that we're all different because we all have unique experiences.

Next thing: My view on Politics and other worldly/society views.

I say, screw that. Politicians are corrupt. Politics in general is corrupt, so why bother with it? I mean, it's not that I don't have an opinion on it and that I don't care about what happens in this world--I have a heart, damnit. It's just that with our (U.S.) society and system of government, I can't help but think that way. I don't try to keep up with politics, world issues and, IMHO,"crap" like that, because I have other things to worry about. No, I'm not being selfish; I'm just setting my priorities. You gotta fend for yourself before you can help others because what the hell would make you think that you can care for others when you can't even care for yourself, ya know?

But with politics, especially in a democratic, capitalist society, we're NEVER going to completely agree, which means CORRUPTION. You want to be on top, and I guess the U.S. has taken competition to a whole different level. Bleh, and with the whole liberal vs. conservative thing (or as some people put it, a donkey vs. an elephant), that's gonna blow up some day. I'm usually a very optimisitic person because I believe a smile can brighten up anyone's day, but man, with U.S. politics, we're DOOMED.

As for my political stand point? Moderate, but more on the liberal side, though. For the most part I don't like extremes. I tend to see both sides of a situation and base my judgement on that. Bleh, I think that's why I'm so indecisive.

On religion: You can practice whatever you want, and I will not judge you because of it, nor will I preach to you about the greatness of being Catholic or w/e. I have this saying:

"Religion and Christianity (in general) is a paradox, but its the Christians and the people themselves who are the hypocrites, the corrupt ones, the ones who push those away from religion."

It might confuse some, hurt a few, anger others, or make y'all think, which is what I want people to do (to think). I may be a Catholic, but damn, I'm pretty open, and some may consider that I'm not religious at all. I've learned from my experience that Christians who preach are the ones that push the ones that are still learning about religion, the ones who are open and accepting, away. I don't want to be pushed away from Catholism, and I'm not going to convert. But wow, the way some Christians/Catholics preach is beyond me. To put it simple, when they preach, they make it seem like we have to follow them, not Jesus. It's hypocritical in a way that we should be worshipping God and Jesus because they know what's best, when really, they want the people to listen to them, as if they were God/Jesus themselves.

Don't think that I've turned my back on Catholism, though. Like I said, this is based on experience.

I believe that God and Jesus have their own ways of communicating with us, just not through other people. There are dreams, signs, omens, or just faith in general. Most importantly, you can not force someone to believe something that they truly do not believe in. That's their own choice, and theirs alone.

But I guess the dilemna, as my friend Lois explained, is that Christians should spread the word. It's a way of life for some people, and I completely understand. But if they can't preach, how will they spread His word? I know deep in my heart, though, that there are other ways of spreading His word. The question is, 'What is the right way?' That's something only God knows. I think you should preach, but not force or damn people to hell. Share your views, and if people like it, then they'll follow it naturally, or through His will.

As for the Bible, y'all need to keep in mind that although it's His word, man wrote it. No, God didn't magically make +1 billion copies of it and is making some more as we speak in Heaven. Why else would there be books by different people, and different views? That being said, the Bible is up for interpretation. You can use it as a way of life, or use it as a piece of literature. But most importantly, you can't take it too seriously to the point where everything you do contradicts each other. This is the paradox part of my saying. I know the Bible not as well as those truly devoted to it, but enough that I know that some things do not make sense, that logic/Science/whatever you call it must come in to play some time. I think it was my sophomore year when I told myself that all these theories in creation from the biblical stand point and the scientific stand point some how intertwine and make sense, but IMHO, that's only for God to know...

Some things are supposed to remain a mystery. I mean, why do you think that the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge was forbidden to eat? It's things like the creation debate that will confuse Man because of our tendency to want to know more, our tendency to advance because of this knowledge that was given. And because we want to know and learn more, it leads to fights. We have the power to think, and we have the power to have different opinions. Those differences are not always accepted, and thus, conflict. I think God predicted that, which is why he banished Adam and Eve.

I guess after that, it makes it seem I believe in pro-creation as opposed to evolution, but that's to the contrary. I'm a stereotypical Math/Science person, so I'm gonna use logic, experience, and research to determine how we came to be.

So what do I believe? Well, I hate history (but I know it's history that makes our future), so I don't stress about it too much. XD

On abortion: Contrary to popular belief about Catholism, I'm pro-choice. I think that's just shows how environment influences the kind of person that one becomes. I've gotten into so many heated arguements with family because of it... Gah, but I'm a woman, and I'm naive. IN GENERAL, I'm going to make mistakes, but I'm also 19. I need to learn to make tough decisions on my own,.and in order for me to do so, I need experience in doing that. Thus... yeah.

On sexual orientation: I find no problem with those who get married/have relationships with the same sex ONLY IF THEY TRULY ARE THAT WAY AND ARE NOT DOING IT JUST TO GET ATTENTION OR WHATEVER BS REASON THEY HAVE. I hate how some people, who aren't bi but are "goth," say they are because that's the stereotype. No. Gah, I HATE posers. It's people like them that give same-sex couplings a bad name. I may be Catholic, but I am NOT A STEREOTYPICAL one.

....And for the record, no, I won't make out with a girl unless I'm pissed drunk. That's just not for me. In no way am I homophobic, but you can't force me to do homosexual things to prove that I'm not. Plus, contrary to what many, MANY of my guy friends think, I don't think me making out with a girl is hott.

On the war on Iraq: I'm indifferent probably because it doesn't hit close to home.

Just in general, as much as many people want it, we're NEVER GOING TO REACH THIS IDEALISTIC UTOPIA CALLED EQUALITY, at least in this capitalist society. I think that's what's causing today's (inter)national problems today. We all think we're right, and because we're trying to create our own utopia, well... stuff happens. It's not pessimism--it's realism, unless we all start thinking the same way.

My View on Race

Well, on orientals, really. Oh boy... here goes. Well, I'm filipino, as most of you already know, but I'm more of a twinkie (yellow on the outside, white on the inside). I dislike "AZNs." Their sense of "pride" not only seems superficial but SO damn exclusive. They talk and rant about inequality, but jeez, they segregate themselves and they ACT superior. Now of course there are those exceptions, but for the most part all I see are stereotypical "azn"s. I've been looked down on for my views and have been called "white-washed" several times as if that was an insult. HELLO, WE'RE IN THE UNITED STATES. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FOLLOWING THEIR CUSTOMS, NOT ASIAN COUNTRIES! I think there's a difference between having

That being said, I don't have U.S. pride either. I'd consider myself "semi white-washed" (or half a twinkie, as one person puts it). I love the asian culture--heck, I watch anime and read manga whenever I can. I LOVE asian food, and I can't live without my asian rice. But I'm NOT gonna go around and put "Got Rice?" in all my notebooks, nor will I exclude people for not being "azn" enough, nor will I act fob JUST TO BE COOL (when it's not). Jeez, that's like putting "Got McDonalds?" on my notebook. I'd feel like an idiot.

As for racism, nope. I'm not racist. But I do despise being filipino sometimes. Why? I don't agree with the stereotypical asian/filipino morals and values. 'Nuff said. I guess in some ways I'm racist to filipinos?

I tend to hang out with those who aren't asian (ethnicity-wise) though. Like my friend Katie said, I'm "asian-ese. You're white, but you're not." The majority of my friends aren't asian, and the ones who are aren't "azn" or fob. I know I kinda sound closed-minded, but this is something I feel that is not under my control and not my fault.

I also don't like the way some asian parents are so strict, and some of their morals and values are things I just don't agree with, especially those that involve politics. I mean, I know that I have to show respect and stuff, and I know it's part of their culture, but wow, there was a time in my life when I hated being Filipino. I didn't want to be the Filipino stereotype, and I still don't. But I guess I've learned to become more accepting of other people's beliefs; I just don't want them forced down my throat.

My views on other things:

Opinionated vs. Just Plain Rude: There are different ways of presenting an opinion, but you shouldn't be rude about it--I guess over-assertive is a better way to describe it. I think if you acknowledged the other side and apologize for having a difference of opinion, then it's being opinionated. I don't understand why that girl from the DePauw posse thought I was rude, but I guess it was because she was a close-minded religious baptist who thinks waaayyyy too highly of herself. That elitist bitch...

I'm kidding, by the way. But I guess when I feel like I'm opinionated, people think it's rude, and it's my nature to always acknowledged the other side so I can strengthen my arguement. That little thing with that girl from DePauw was her own doing, and because she (IMHO) was closed-minded, she was the rude one, especially since my opinion wasn't directed towards anyone and hers was clearly towards me.

And it's not how loud your voice is that determines opinionated vs. rude. It's the tone. With things like that, you just know when someone's just verbally attacking you as opposed to having a friendly debate.

College & Posse: I love my Posse. Without Posse, I wouldn't even be going to college. Gladys, Martin, Alix, Aaron, Monica, Danielle, Connie, and Ikeisha have been a big part of my life since the program started and Posses were chosen. We've grown so much together, and we've been through a lot. It took a while for us to finally understand each other, and we've come a LONG way.

I love them to death, and I'd give my life for any one of them.

As for choosing Pomona, I'm still unsure what the real reason is. I know I needed to get away and find things out on my own. At a bigger university, I don't think I'd get enough personal attention from the staff, and since I'm still kind of undecided on a career, I chose Pomona. They do have a pre-med track there, though, which I'm going to take. Also, since it's in California, I'm returning to my real home. I hate Illinois weather, and I was raised in CA most of my life anyway. I was drawn to it, I guess. Ya know, that gut instinct?

Anyone who wants to find out more about the Posse Foundation should check out their website.

Fate & Destiny: Ok, so yes, you make your own decisions, but I believe Fate has pre-determined your life. It knows what decisions you're going to make, and knows how you're going to end up in the future. Yes, you make your own decision, but you're not changing destiny.

I think people tend to mix Fate and Destiny up with Prediction and Prophecy, because I think you can change the latter two. It's the future; it hasn't happened yet, so it's not set in stone.

Career & NMH: I'm still a little undecided career-wise, but I know that I want to be in the hospital doing whatever. Some careers I've really been considering are Anesthesiology, like either a nurse or the actual doctor, a Physicist (because we all know that I just LOVE physics and math), a Bio-Medical Engineer (which is why I chose to intern at that department this year), or an Accountant (after that enlightening talk and session with Price Waterhouse Coopers). I guess even then I'm open up to anything, like an astronomer. Or something.

I'm so lost...

But without NMH's (Northwestern Memorial Hospital, in downtown Chicago) Medical Explorers, I wouldn't have been able to narrow down my choices, even if it was slight. Serving as president my last (high school) year was more than enlightening and worthwhile. These people, especially my advisors and co-workers in my internships, have given me SO much, and I am more than thankful to them for it. Haha, and hopefully I can get some picture of them up.

I guess the last thing I should leave is that y'all need to live life to it's fullest! Yes, you're going to make mistakes, but who cares? Those who make fun of you for that are damn hypocrites. Enjoy it while you can, and screw up every once in a while! Just don't over-think like I do, as you've kinda noticed above...

Also, be open to everything! You'll never know what you'll find!

"Open my eyes
Look deep inside
I run away..."

Questions? Contact me!