| Cartoons & Jokes |
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| Cartoon #1 Cartoon #2 Cartoon #3 Cartoon #4 Cartoon #5 Cartoon #6 Cartoon #7 Cartoon #8 Bored.com Crazythoughts.com |
| Chitchat and Chatter |
| Note about Cartoons: Some of the older cartoons may be outdated, so look at the newest first. The Bravenet cartoons are funny, too. Also, I apologize for any cartoons that are hard to read. |
| Laugh! Hopefully, you'll find this page funny, but here are some other ways to laugh: ~ Remember a funny inside joke. ~ Tell someone that their pants are unzipped when they aren't. This is really hilarious. ~ Think of a time when you started laughing for no reason. ~ Think of the best joke you've ever heard. |
| Jokes: Ways to tell when food is spoiled... EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. LETTUCE: Lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without cleanser. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a football should be disposed of. Carefully. CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie into a knot is not fresh. POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you have a wife. UNMARKED ITEMS: Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not "burp" when you open them. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this. |
| The Unofficial Worst Joke of the Year Award There are some pretty good jokes floating around. And some pretty bad ones. This is a tribute to the ones that only make you laugh because they are so bad. E-mail me to nominate jokes for this award. Q: How do you make a whale float? A: Two scoops of ice cream, chocolate sauce, a cherry, and a whale. Q: Why did the little boy throw peanut butter into the ocean? A: To go with the jelly fish! A barman looks out the window of his bar and sees a guy riding a horse dressed in a hunting outfit with a rifle over one arm and a hound running along beside him. He dismounts and comes walking into the bar where upon he takes the rifle off his shoulder and starts wandering around with his dog sniffing every table, chair and small corner of the bar. After a while he approaches the barman who asks him what he's doing. And the guy replies - "I'm hunting you idiot... can't you see that!" "OK, OK..." says the barman, "Would you like a drink while you hunt ?" Immediately the hunter says, "Do you have any cheap Gin !!?" Rather taken a back by the abruptness of his request the barman replies, "No I'm sorry I'm all out of the cheap stuff is there anything else you'd like ?" "No" says the hunter and he starts to leave. As he reaches the door the barman calls after him, "By the way pal... exactly what do you hunt?" " I hunt for cheap gin you bumbling idiot! Couldn't you tell that - I'm a BarGIN Hunter!" Q: Which animals on Noah's Ark didn't come in pairs? A: The worms -- they came in apples! And of course... Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side! |