Hah ha...

J o k e s ! !

ha ha ha...

haha hahaha...

hahaha haha hahaha!!!

Oh Lord!

Once upon a time there was a pastor. He was driving down the road and his car broke down. He got out and started walking. Soon, he came to a farm. He asked the farmer if he could borrow a horse. The farmer agreed but warned, "Sir, but this is not an ordinary horse. You have to say, 'Praise the Lord' to make it go and, 'Amen' to make it stop". The pastor said, "Oh that's easy, I'm a pastor." So he jumped on the horse and said, "Praise the Lord!" and the horse took off down the road. About an hour down the road (close to his destination), a rattlesnake comes in front of the horse. The horse rather startled turned and ran off the road, through the woods and staright for a cliff! The pastor forgot what to say, so he said a prayer, and at the end of the prayer, of course, he said, "Amen". Screech! The horse stopped  right at the edge of the cliff! The pastor looked down and sees all of the thousands of feet that he had almost plundered...and to give thanks to God, he yelled out, "Praise the Lord!!!"

There were three rich men, a Canadian, American and Russian.They all wanted to show off at each other so they each bought a toilet. The Russian bought a wooden toliet, the Canadian bought a marble one and the American bought a musical one.

The nexy day the Canadian came back to the store to complain and said, "I want a refund. Every time I use the toilet, I slip off it." The day after that the Russian came back with a complain as well and he said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit on the toilet I get splinters on my bottom." The next day the American came back with a complain and he said, "I want a refund. Every time I sit down I hear my National Anthem and I have to stand up!!"

I'm Not Going if Nature Calls

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Whoa these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything in Texas is big." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow, these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead he entered the third door, which led to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!!!"

Blind Man in        Texas

The Florist's     Mistake

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it read, "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. it was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card. "Oh, it's all right," said the shopkeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen." "But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party." "Well, what did it say?" asked the shopkeeper. "Congratulations on your new location," was the reply.