humor

WAYS TO PISS OFF:

Lifeguard:

1. Pretend you're drowning.
2. Ask for change for 100 dollars... in pennies.
3. Tell them you don't know how to swim, then jump into the deep end.
4. Get everyone to run around the pool.
5. Put metal in their floaties.
6. Put whip cream in their sun block.
7. Sit beside them and stare at them, don't break your stare.
8. During break 'accidentally' fall into the water a few times until break is over.
9. Get a little kid to cry until they agree to play with them.
10. Act like you're a blind kid, take your 'seeing-eye dog' to the pool to 'help' you swim.
11. Splash them with cold water.
12. Get a little kid to squirt them with a water gun.
13. Count out loud how many times they blink.
14. Ask them how babies are made.
15. Ask them to help you with your homework.
16. Have everyone go to the pool and not get in.
17. Sit on them until they agree not to call break.
18. Ignore them, even when they call break.
19. Play volleyball in the water and 'accidentally' hit them in the head with the ball.

Principal:

1. Put a tack in their chair.
2. Get in trouble just so you can see them.
3. Tell them you get in trouble just to see them.
4. When they ask, "What will make you be good?" say:
How about a hug?
5. 100 dollars to start.
6. A gun and some whiskey.
7. A new teacher--my old one has gone bad.
8. It's not my fault, the devil made me do it!
9. Ask them why they have grey hairs.
10. Ask the male principal if Viagra works.
11. Recomend Viagra.
12. Play football in the hallway and hit him/her in the head.
13. Ask him/her why they're not married.

YOU KNOW YOU LIKE ER TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH WHEN:
1. You dream of a surgery room with Dave in it.
2. No one mentions any of the characters' names or anything about medicine when around you.
3. Your room is sterile.
4. You dream of hearing Carter say, "Hand me a...>insert name of medical equipment here<"
5. Your room is filled with ER posters.
6. Your not just the owner of ER's biggest fan club, you're also a member.
7. You changed you name so your initials are ER.
8. You kill anyone who says they're ER's biggest fan.
9. You're nodding your head while reading this, saying, "Yep, done that too."
10. You're reading this.
11. You've created your own ER website.
12. Your dog is named Carter.
13. You give lectures whenever someone asks "What is ER about?"
14. You write fanfics that you 'just so happen' to be in.
15. Your nicknames are 'Dave's girlfriend' and 'Doc'.
16. You got a tattoo of ER.
17. You go to the hospital every day, asking when Carter will be in.

SOMEONE YOU WOULDN'T WANNA DATE:
1. Sheep Shagger
2. A Gay Guy (girl)
3. A Straight Guy (guy)
4. Guy Who Collects Snot
5. Guy Who Looks Like A Pimple
6. Captian Hook
7. Jack The Ripper
8. Your Mom
9. Your Cousin (unless you're from WV)
10. A Girl Who Farts Anytime She Wants.

Humor