Chakotay chimed for entry at the captain’s
readyroom. She’d locked herself in her readyroom 24 hours ago and still hadn’t
left it. Rumour had it that it had something to do with what one of the
impostors had said and Chakotay wanted to get to the bottom of it.
"Come in Commander." He heard his Captain
say.
He wasn’t surprised when he
stepped in to find her staring out her portal, she normally did when something
was bothering her.
"Tell me you
haven’t been standing there for the last 24 hours." Chakotay said
jokingly.
"No, only for 23." She
said, her back still turned to him.
He sighed and took numerous steps towards her
stopping only when he was standing behind her. "Kathryn what’s bothering
you?"
"Nothing."
"Don’t lie to me."
"Seriously nothing is bothering me."
"Dala was the one posing as you wasn’t she?" He said
taking a different approach.
"Yes."
"Is she the cause of this?"
He waited for a response and all he received in
reply was dead silence.
"She
is isn’t she?"
When he didn’t
get an answer, he took Kathryn by the shoulders and turned her around. He
noticed that her eyes were all puffy, and that her face was tear stained, from
the look of her eyes she had been crying for a long time. He brought the sobbing
Kathryn into his arm for a hug and held tightly onto her
They stayed that way in each other’s arms until
Chakotay felt her calm down. He pulled her down on the coach and watched as she
got into a comfortable position. She placed her head on Chakotay’s thighs, lied
down in a ball on her side facing the stars. Chakotay waited patiently
knowing that when she was ready to speak she would.
Finally after ten minutes of silence Kathryn
spoke. "You have no idea do you?" She said calmly. "She said something that hit
home, and it reminded me of something someone else told me." She stopped for a
moment and continued. Both new who she meant. "I remember her exact words
too, she said ‘I make a better you than you.' I didn’t give it much thought the
first time she told me. The second time I heard it I realised why it sounded so
familiar." She stopped for a moment again and continued. "My mother told me when
I was a child never to forget who I was, even if I became a captain because no
one else but you can be you. No one else can tell what you’re feeling, thinking,
or what you plan on achieving. Of course thinking of that I started to think of
my life. You know what I realised Chakotay?"
Chakotay smiled down at her and began to stroke
her hair, "That you’ve been living a double life?"
"Something like that. I realised that I was
forgetting who I was. That I’m a woman, that I’m Kathryn too…well I started to
think of ‘us’ Chakotay. I -- she stopped almost afraid to say what was on her
mind.
Chakotay watched as
Kathryn wiped a tear from her eye. "Chakotay, I, came to a
conclusion. You know what that conclusion is?" She sat up and looked into
his eyes as if she were staring straight into his soul.
He didn’t answer knowing if he did he would
stop her from saying what she was going to say next.
"Chakotay I love you, and I can’t deny that any
longer" He watched as a smile grew on her face as she said that "but-" He
watched as her smile faded. His heart thumped, and he felt his throat go dry.
Kathryn took his two hands in hers "we can never be."
A million words of protest came to his mind and he
was unable to state them all. Finally a few words escaped him "Is that why
you’ve been crying? Because we can never be?" He wanted to kick himself
after the words had escaped him, here she was vulnerable in front of him and he
had to ask why she’d been crying.
She nodded.
"Kathryn I love you more than words can say."
He said pulling her to him.
"Chakotay face it we can never be because of
who we are. We have to learn to live without one another."
"You can’t be serious Kathryn." He said looking
her straight in the eyes.
"I
am"
"Fine then, I’ll resign my
commission. Become a crewmember." He said "Kathryn there has to be a
way."
"Chakotay don’t make
such a sacrifice for something you don’t even know will work. "
"It will. You said it yourself we can’t deny
what we’re feeling Kathryn." He pulled her in for a kiss. The kiss was soft,
tender and was full of passion. "Kathryn lets try ‘us’ out together before we
say we can never be. If it doesn’t work out then I’ll resign, and if that
doesn’t work we can transport to a planet with a shuttle forget who we are and
live together. If that- Kathryn shut him up by placing a finger to his
lips.
"And here I was afraid
you wouldn’t want me because of everything I represent." She said before moving
in to kiss him.
" You used to
represent everything I couldn’t have. Now you represent everything I want. I
love you Captain Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway"
"I know Chakotay. Gods know I’ve known for so
long. I love you too."
The End???
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