No. 1 Pick
Let me tell you how I feel inside
All the tears I cried before I swallowed my pride
I tried to live off my past, but it did not last
My reputation fell fast cuz my head was gassed
Clouded with the belief that I reached the top
Had achieved my goal, so I proceeded the stop
Even though I knew my mission wasn`t really thru
To feel true success simply kept me complacent
My time was spent living a life of luxury
Afforded to me by my history of hard work
I became lazy enjoying the perks
Until I realized that it was all I had
My goals were incomplete and my life was sad
My brain was content so I didn`t maintain
The same hard work that was my claim to fame
So when the time came, for me to turn pro
I was fat, out of shape, and oh so slow
From a high school star to draft pick bust
Couldn't handle success and yo that`s a must
I went from best player who had the most fans
To the no name bum, A.K.A. the 12th man
I realized my eyes weren`t on the prize
I lost sight of my goals and forgot my role
So I looked into my soul and found my essence
Put my ego aside and listened to my conscience
Now I`m back on the rise, though I`m still on the bench
Since then I`ve become number one of the subs
I`m the sixth man now, no longer a scrub
My hard work and focus helped me rise above
The temptation to settle for a life I didn`t love
My consistency still should be a bit better
And once I unfetter my mind from distractions
My actions will improve and I will work harder
One day soon I`ll again be a starter
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Reality
I spend 90 percent of my time getting high
The other 10 percent is spent in misery
Stressed and depressed by this mess I call reality
Confronted by the sight of the man in the mirror
As I contemplate, I see the picture getting clearer
All my fears and desires, strengths and weaknesses
The pleasures that I seek and the pain that I avoid
Addicted to the bliss of a drug induced void
My outlet from hell, to forget the fact
That I could fix my life, but discipline I lack
Looking back I can see how this came to be
How my upbringing made me the man you see
My childhood was full of negativity
And my main motivation was to simply escape
Any form of pressure, punishment or hate
Never taught to set my sights on anything great
Just to do anything to get thru and maintain
Stability and contentment in my brain
Be accepted by my peers and avoid my fear
Of rejection, plus the stress of loneliness
Make enough money to afford some place to rest
Plus the luxuries on TV that I see
The symbols of wealth that appeal to me
So I can try to look like a celebrity
Even though I know I'm living check to check
Having the finer things will bring me respect
Why try to save money if I'm looking broke?
So I live above my means as I try to cope
With bills I can't pay, plus years of loans
Want a home but can't get it with my fucked up credit
Tried to live a fantasy but I'm not happy
Cuz my friends are fake and my pockets empty
Just because I couldn't accept being me
In the end I'm alone once my money's gone
Can't afford to get high and keep living a lie
Though I wasn't puffing indo, chronic, or thai
The car, clothes, and hoes let me deny
That I wasn't really loved, respected, or blessed
Plus I hated my job and my house was a mess
So I guess this is how it ends no friends
Now I'm stressed cuz they just repossessed my Benz
And once again I'm back to living with my mother
From a wanna be baller to a broke ass brotha
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Empty Pleasures
How can I explain what I feel inside
All the pain I've felt that I try to hide
My fake friends don't love me
And I know if I died
None of the honeys that I'm cool with would even cry
Waste my money spending cash on silly hoes and clothes
I hate my life even though I let nobody know
I live to impress others cuz I'm looking for love
And that's the only way to get it that I can think of
Got my diploma but I never learned shit in school
But how to get good grades and still be cool
They taught me history and useless mathematics skills
But never taught me the importance of paying my bills
Now that I'm grown, yo my life is hard
Got myself in debt fucking with credit cards
Hard to have relationships now that I'm grown
Because I had no role model growing up in a broken home
Killing my soul with a slow form of suicide
Cigarettes help me forget the tears I cried
And going shopping aint as simple as it seems
Look to clothes and cars to fix my self esteem
Then to food and sex when I feel depressed
To forget the pain and relieve the stress
That's why I try to get high to deny the real
Drinking liquor to disguise how I really feel
At the bar buying drinks for a banging chick
Hoping I can take her home and have her suck my dick
Spitting game got her thinking that I'm Mr. Right
I invite to the crib and she says alright
Thinking I'm a hit it right, but little does she know
I'm just a ten minute brother for a ten dollar hoe
So, even though I know I'd rather have love
I'll settle for fucking hoes I meet in the club
In this life I lead, my worst enemy is me
From the school of hard knocks I got a degree
So I'm doing what I've been taught, without a thought
For a better way to live, cuz I have no goals
Except to do what's necessary to maintain my role
Content with my lifestyle, though I'm not happy
I guess I'll settle for less and accept this as my destiny
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What You Fantasize
I started out innocent, was corrupted by pain
A witness of child abuse, drug abuse and shame
Was a product of adultery, and taught to lie
Giving alibis to both the brothers fucking my mother
Couldn�t hang with the homies so I felt alone
Besides hanging with my brother I was on my own
Now that I�m grown I have to reap what my past has sown
Socializing realizing what I was not shown
Things I never seen as a teen but needed to learn
Experiences that I should�ve had, but did not earn
Simply due to the fact that my momz was stern
So in turn I had no friends and no social life
The stress of loneliness peirced my heart like a knife
That�s why I never cry, fuck the pain
I�ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain
Can�t explain how my brain didn�t go insane
I guess I�m just a strong muthafukka, simple and plain
Blame nobody for my faults, cuz the choice was mine
To procrastinate, always late, wasting time
Motivated by the money, I decided to change
Now I�m all about my cash, feeding hunger pangs
It�s strange how things rearrange and dreams fade
Gold bars turn to steel when you open your eyes
Because reality is nothing like what you fantasize
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