Hello, fellow conservatives. We hope the following pages will provide you with entertainment, laughs and a new perspective of our ever-misguided friends, the liberals. We will endeavor to foster better communication through a studied, albeit light-hearted, look at the lexicon used in today’s conversations about politics, gender issues, and a gamut of topics discussed in the media and elsewhere. The main thrust of this book is to look at the weak link between individuals holding conversations about current events. That weak link is language. We realize that the primary cause for frustration and exasperation in these discussions revolves around one fundamental point: definitions. We will attempt to bridge that gap by sharing what we have learned about what people are saying and what they really mean.
Throughout the ages, communication has been the basis of all societal foundations. Of course language has evolved to meet the advancements of the human race and will continue to do so. It is only natural that we would progress from beating sticks on drums, to grunting, and progress from those methods of communicating to spoken language, as well as the more sophisticated mediums we use today. However, there is a difference between changes in syntax or semantics and changes in definitions. Although change can be good, it can sometimes be unwarranted. The trend toward an ultra-correct society has driven many to review what is said and how it is said. This can be overdone by the well meaning. We cannot allow media hype to determine where our focus should be. Government policy-making is already too often directed by the aim of television news cameras. We are now facing a movement to redefine the issues and words that surround the topics which are so hotly debated today. We intend to hinder those efforts and affect more efficient communication.
No one would argue the fact that debate is the healthy basis by which reform, hopefully beneficial in nature, can be designed. All camps are in danger of losing the most important aspect of this process: a common language. It is not that Spanish, Japanese, or even Swahili are threatening to supersede the use of English, although Spanish may have a pretty good shot at the task. It is that the Left insists on modifying what words mean and their vanguard, the media, are re-writing their style books (now P.C. bibles) to match the whims of the crusaders du jour. These champions of the downtrodden complain that no even ground exists for them and, therefore, certain words, quotes, and styles are taboo. Even opinions are not immune to rating by the MPAA (mindless peons activists association). People cannot even purchase a particular product or invest in a particular corporation without some moral judgement being passed on them. There’s the kicker: the moral judgement. How these people can be so bold as to charge wickedness and double standardizing is amazing. These are the same people who are continually pointing out to us that religion is limiting and oppressive to those who do not subscribe to the concept of the various spiritual faiths, if any one faith at all. These are the same people who condone going back to the decade of free love. These are the same people who say, "Do your own thing." These are the same people who want the freedom to do what they want, when they want. Yet they ask for government intervention (such as restricting the free practice of prayer) and feel the only way they can achieve their aims is through the pseudo-assimilation of "religious" dogma. They have attached a stigma to religion as such. Any who make reference to their faith are labeled as fanatical zealots. Liberals have learned, however, that associating their beliefs with teachings in the Bible has some benefit for "The Cause". This is for the sole purpose of claiming some virtues of religion in order to wield them in a twisted manner against the truly faithful and, thusly, confuse them into thinking that their instincts and upbringing are actually blasphemous. Amazingly, these virtues come from the same dogma they seek to repress. But we digress…
The media assail us with images and words, telling us what those words and images mean. The P.C. police are telling us what we mean or should mean. But the tide is turning. More conservatives, the majority of the American population, are voicing their concern over the inane movement that is slowly stripping them of free speech and individual freedoms, all in the name of equality and fairness. This was well demonstrated for history with the general elections of ’94. The Left has made admirable efforts but with miscalculated aims.
Abortion, sexual harassment, pork barrel politics… what does it all mean? Upon examining the typical arguments you will see that liberals have views that are, how shall we say? Flawed. With an understanding of this fact and of definitions near and dear to the Left, you will render logical blows to your liberal opponent more easily than firing up a quality Havana. Here are the key ingredients needed to build the liberal platform: theories (without proof), emotion (without thought or heart), and chatter (without substance). These are the necessary components to liberal discussions. They have no need for hard facts to support their premises nor does 2+2 need to equal 4.
Once you have learned to navigate the liberal jungle of prattle, you will be ready to formulate an argument the Left can comprehend. We must maintain clear discourse for the typical liberal, due to the fact that his thoughts have been gathered from, well, only the Good Lord knows. You don’t want to lose him too quickly! A caveat: do not be surprised if your friend is taken aback. To take the liberal’s own view, show him the incredulity of his position, to thrust evidence of his own hypocrisy upon him, and to put forth irrefutable logic against his stand, is an art form you will learn to master with practice and this will frighten him. Do not attempt this with the Liberal Elite. It is not that the task is so daunting. It is merely that you would be taking on a lost cause. If you have the time to waste and wish to be entertained, then this endeavor may be worthwhile if only to be amused by those who are the authors of liberal lexicon. These individuals are so far gone, we fear, that they actually believe their own pulp fiction to be true.
As you continue on, the real fun begins. You will smirk. You will chuckle. You may even roll on the floor. That having been said, we want to remind you that, even as you read this, libroids* all over the country are swelling, growing, and itching to get into the driver’s seat of your life. No cream will get rid of them. No pad will soothe the pain. Only surgical removal with your own razor-sharp wit will suffice. (*See Right Angles)
A reaffirmation of our basic rights is needed. To do this, conservatives must come together and put liberals back on track. We need to use our strongest assets, common sense and logic, to light the way to the end of the tunnel. A great number of the Left are unwitting pawns in a game played by a leviathan, the government. Government is needed to maintain order. This we concede. However, we must retain individuality, self-reliance, and self-esteem. Our representatives in Washington need your support more now than ever. They need feedback. We need to make sacrifices, for there is no easy way out nor any "get-rich-quick" scheme to cure our ails overnight. Just remember, mules are stubborn animals and do not easily give in to change. They will make every effort to steer back to the status quo of old. Elephants, on the other hand, never forget, learn quickly, and, while moving slowly, always forge ahead.
That is how a capitalist democracy succeeds. The redefinition of words and basic concepts is the first step in breaking down a grand society such as our forefathers have built. We hope to educate these poor souls. We want to free them from the Fiefdom of Folly and bring them to the Kingdom of Conservatism. We must always remember, as Freud once observed, "…sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar."
AUTHORS’ FOREWORD
This book, as stated before, is our sincere attempt to foster better communication between conservatives and their liberal brethren. To accomplish this, we had to assume the station of those we wish to understand. In short, we explored the deepest recesses, the very bowels of liberalism. Every nook and cranny of the liberal mentality had to be thoroughly researched. This work is a compilation of our extensive study. We now believe we understand the complexities of the liberal position and using this book, you will too. So feel free to kiss a tree, eat your sushi, abort your kids, euthanize your parents, and worship your dolphin. This is Liberalism!
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