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Paul Quotes
Little bits of wisdom and sheer absurity spoken by the man
Conky2000's Funhouse's past quotes of the month:

April 2003:
"Excuse me, excuse me, ha-ha, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, ha, excuse me..."
(Pee-wee trying unsuccessfully to get out of the biker bar in Pee-wee's Big Adventure)
Hear This Quote!

March 2003:
"Aw, that stuff's strickly squaresville.
I know how to handle chicks!"
(As Wally Bile in the HBO short film "School, Girls and You.")
Hear this qoute!

December/January/Febuary 2002/2003:
I lied in July 2002.
I slacked off again.
But it will never happen again...
No, really, I mean it...
Seriously...

Novenber 2002:
"It's not like the boy expected to get anything in return, but...but then he didn't get anything in return!
Zip! Zilch! Zero! Nothing! No advancement! NO NOTHING!"
(As Pee-wee Herman in The Pee-wee Herman Show)

October 2002:
Interviewer:"You seem to have a great sense of humor"
Paul:"I seem to, yes."
(Mean magazine, July 2001)

September 2002:
"I don't get roles very often based on an audition because I'm really bad at it."
(Entertainment Weekly magazine, April 20, 2001)

August 2002:
"I'd like to have a bodygaurd. A wimp like me needs one."
(GQ magazine, December 1981)

July 2002:
I will never slack off again.
I will never slack off again.
I will never slack off again.

June 2002:
"I say we let him go!"
(Pee-wee in the biker bar in "Pee-wee's Big Adventure")
Hear the quote from the biker who prompted Pee-wee to say this.

May 2002:
"Barbie, he is yummy. He looks just like a Ken doll.
(gasps)Ken and Barbie; oh my god, it is so perfect."
(As Derek Foreal in "Blow" upon meeting George (Johnny Depp))

April 2002:
"I think there's a big danger in becoming a professional Pee-wee"
(GQ Dec 1981)

March 2002:
"I call this my hot dog tree, because,
well...it's a hot dog tree."
(As Pee-wee in "Big Top Pee-wee")

Febuary 2002:
"Wanna see my super power? Pull my finger."
(As the Spleen in "Mystery Men")

January 2002:
"But what? Everyone I know has a big but.
C'mon Simone, let's talk about your big but."
(As Pee-wee from "Pee-wee's Big Adventure"
talking to Simone about going to Paris)

October-December 2001:
I su-uck, I su-uck, I'm a big fat slacker!
La la la la la la!

Sept 2001:
"Let's cheat them!- I mean, let's meet them now."
(From "You Don't know Jack" when introducing guests)

April-August 2001:
I slacked big time. Sorry to disapoint.
I'll go sit in the corner now
and think about what I've done.

March 2001:
"I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em!"
(From Pee-wee's big adventure)
Hear this quote!

Febuary 2001:
"I play a bisexual ex-marine hairdresser. I get to wear every peice
of clothing that I have ever made fun of in my whole life."
(In the Febuary 16, 2001 issue of entertainment weekly,
in a small article on the upcoming film "Blow")

January 2001:
Sorry, I slacked off and didn't update
the page in January 2001.
I was dead.

December 2000:
"At school, I was a strange child, a little oddball. I was really serious and really
funny at the same time. I was always performing."
(In an August 1, 1999 interview, as himself for the first time)

November 2000:
"Oooh, nice pajamas! Who shot the couch?"
(As Pee-wee in an episode of Pee-wee's Playhouse)

October 2000:
"Equalateral or isosoles?"
(As The Spleen, in "Mystery Men" in response to The Shovelers command to him
and The Bowler to "Triangulate" as they enter Dr. Hellers residence)
Hear this qoute!

Sept. 2000:
"I pity the poor fool who don't eat my cereal!"
(As Pee-wee as the talking Mr. T cereal in "Pee-wee's Big Adventure")
Hear this quote!
Other cool quotes:

"Whoa, these legs! They bend in the middle!"
(As Pinocchio, stumbling around in his new body, in "Fearie Tale Theatre: Pinocchio")
Hear this quote!

"Hey! Don't get me wrong. I'm no Pee-wee. I'm like him, but I'm not only
like him. There's another character in there: Pee-me!"
(GQ Magazine, Dec. 1981)

"It was fun to play. Well, maybe fun isn't the right word..."
(On his dark role as a rapist/murderer in "South of Heaven, West of Hell")

"I spent an entire day farting in Oscar winner Geoffrey Rush's face. People would ask,
"What did you do today?". Well..."
(In an interview for "Mystery Men", I may be a paraphrasing.)

"That does it! I have had enough! They can take the suit off your back.
They can take your special cereal bowl and spoon. They can even take your album of photo memories.
But when they mess with your dots, they go too far!"
(As Pee-wee, in an episode of "Pee-wee's Playhouse", after discovering many
of his favorite things have gone missing, even the dots he uses
to play connect the dots! This is one of my favorite episodes!)
Hear part of this qoute!

"I have a snake."
(As Russell in the Hakidu episode of Everbody loves Raymond
in response to the question "do you have a daughter?")

"You would have thought we were doing a light comedy if you visited the set.
You Know, real genuine mutual admiration and pretty much being treated as equals,
everyone really having a good time and liking each other."
(On the "one big party" atmosphere on the set of "Blow")

More cool quotes to come!!!

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