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Conker's Bad Fur Day Introduction... Conker could never really understand why Berri had such a problem with him going out and having a good time� without her! "I mean, surely that's the whole point?" Conker focused his gaze on the all-too-familiar bottle label. The puzzled-looking squirrel next to him didn't answer at first, then said: "What?" "Berri," Conker stated. "When I'm with her I don't have a good time. When I'm with the lads, I do! That's the whole point!" "Oh, I see..." But judging by the squirrel's expression, he obviously didn't. "Maybe you should dump her then?" "What?" Conker frowned. "I can't do that. She's my girlfriend! Anyway, I don't wanna talk about it now, just get another round in�" "But it's your turn, Conker," chorused the whole group, making him jump. "What, again?" Silence� "Okay, okay, but I've just got to call Berri to let her know I'll be late." He stood unsteadily, decided that maybe the toilet was a more pressing issue, and staggered off. The evening wore on and the beer kept flowing as one round became another, and then another until Conker reached that awful moment of realisation: "Guys, guys. I think I've had too much." He paused for a moment, nearly retching there and then. "I gotta go�" At the same table were a couple of pretty little chipmunks who sniggered and whispered something to each other as Conker tottered, nearly losing his balance completely. "I don't think he can take his drink..." he overheard the nearest one say. "No indeed," her sly-looking friend replied. "But what do you expect from a red squirrel?" Conker toyed with the idea of vomiting on both of them, but decided that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea with their boyfriends sitting opposite. These two were dressed in combat fatigues, and engaged in the most heated debate� "Yeah! And I heard that they eat their own kind for fun, not just when they're hungry!" said one of them. The two chipmunks cooed. "And that's not the worst thing they do," the other combat-ready squirrel interrupted. "I've heard that they don't even wash their hands after a sh..." "What's this?" slurred Conker, butting in. "The WAR! Haven't you heard?" Conker stared at them dumbly. "The evil teddy bears that have overrun the grey squirrels' homeland." The Squirrel raised his hand dramatically and the two chipmunk girls suddenly hugged each other in fear. "Nobody knows where they came from. Nobody knows what they are." "...and nobody cares!" whispered Conker. "But the generals have decided to send these evil Tediz back. We signed up this morning, and you should do the same, Mr. Red Squirrel." They both levelled accusing gazes at Conker. "If you have any sense of decency and honour, that is�" "I think you just hit the nail on the head," Conker replied. "I'm definitely going now. Goodbye!" On the way out two of his old school buddies grabbed him by the arm, shouting the words "One more for the road, Conker?" And before he knew it� "Slammers? Oh no, not slammers!" They were lined up in front of him, eight in total. Oh well, tomorrow was another day� Far away, but not far enough, the Fabled Panther King chewed the inside of his mouth and watched one of his weasel slaves clear up the mess. His indigestion was getting worse by the day and that was bad enough, but now he kept spilling his milk and this was intolerable. If it happened again, there was going to be trouble...
