Title: Finish Line Blues

Author: Chesarae

Email: [email protected]

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Dom�s struggle to go on after the events of TFATF.

Notes: Just something I�ve been wanting to write for a while and a nice little break from Beckons.

Archive: Just ask

Disclaimer: I don�t own or claim rights to any of the characters or settings of TFATF.

Feedback: Feed me

So here it is. This is me. This is who I am and how I became the man--

Ya know-- I remember back when we were kids. We used to play out at the old sandlot at West Smith Park. Vince and me, we used to play cars there. We had a ton of those matchbox cars�ya know the ones.. Anyways, they were beat up and scarred from many days out there and many crashes of glory. Mia would follow us all scrawny and girlish. She wanted to be like me I guess�minus the spitting part. That�s my Mia�ever the princess. She would sit there in her little pink dresses and old worn flips flops and she�d watch me and Vince say�in that someday�her big brother was gonna be the King of the Streets. Back then, I never knew how true those words would one day be.

I remember mom and how beautiful she was. What I remember most is how she always smelled sweetly of Jasmine and Lavender. I can remember too-- the fall of her hair brushing against my face as she kissed me goodnight. She was my very own angel. Somehow though�my Angel flew away. Darkness came in the middle of the night and took her light.

Papi changed that night-- Life changed that night--

And so it went on, spinning in breathless circles. Life became a game of sorts. Kinda like hopscotch�each of us try�in to make the right move. Mia became the ground force. She became the force that held our little family together and things �they seemed good once again. It wasn�t long before our family began to grow even larger. I remember the exact day�.

I was sixteen years old that summer and was out in the driveway play�in basketball with the guys. A tan worn-down car pulled up next door hauling a trailer. I remember think�in that those must be the new neighbors that I had overheard Mr. Stanley talk�in to dad about. There was a woman and a man, but they seemed to me like all the rest. What caught my attention was the little girl with long dark hair pulled back into a messy tail. She was tiny�tinier than tiny even and she clutched a ragged teddy bear to her chest. I stared at her in awe of some sort and I didn�t have a clue as to why. And then� her dark burning gaze caught mine. For the first time, my world came to a halt. I became dependent upon all that was her. Then she had looked away at the harsh sound of the man and had trailed after him. At that moment, I decided that I was gonna spend all my time learning to hate that little girl.

It was the next day that I found her name to be Letty. Mia had gotten once glimpse of the girl next door and had found her newest project. Letty was eleven, a year or so younger than Mia, but the two became fast friends. Heaven only knows how because the two are as different as night and day. Mia is like butterscotch and Letty is like peppermint, but somehow the two meld together to make one incredible red hot.

I spent those next three years perfecting my resistant attitude towards Letty on the outside, however, there on the inside�. There wasn�t even so much as a shell of resistance-- Truth is from day one, Letty had me. She had me in all the arrays of the word.

And then my world crumbled into rough shards of the darkest obsidian�

My father went to that race just like he always had to every other. Plans had been made to stop at Pete�s for pizza afterwards and we were gonna take a ride down by the beach as in tradition. I had always loved those rides-- the salty breeze floating in from the rolled down windows and the thunder of the sea crashing all around�and Mia, Papi, and I all smiling to the thrumming rhythm of the engine. But that day�it never came.

I stood out by the rails as the cars prepared and vented for the flags to be drawn. I was so proud of Papi. He was the best racer there. Even if he didn�t win, I knew he had the truest heart. Just before he had gotten in his car, he had lifted his cap in a slight gesture and smiled squarely at me-- and I had smiled back urging him on. The flags were drawn and the cars lifted off like a herd of wild Mustangs only a second from freedom�s hand�

--And then�

The walls were moving in and the ceiling was crumbling down� Linder had come up behind Papi and smashed him into the sidewall. I only remember it in slow motion like on those manipulated television programs. It plays as if on automatic and I can hear screams all around engulfing me into a tidal wave of dizziness. --Screams that I never knew were mine�

Not too long after� I saw Linder. Where I don�t remember� I just remember the blinding haze of pure red that I saw that day. Everything was blurred and my ears were ring�in. I picked up that wrench with fury swinging me along and I began to strike. I lashed out at the red and there was more. The red grew until it was dripping�winding me up in its long cape and refusing to let me go. And then the roar was too loud�deafening to my ears and I was transported towards the washing of the ocean�s waves upon its sandy floor.

The authorities sent me away for that. I nearly killed a man. I had beat him within an inch of his life and I had savored the flow of his crimson blood. I was lucky. It could have been worse. But Linder, he wasn�t so lucky. He now lives his life as does a mouse in a cage. He�s not even the same person. And I� I did that to him�

I was gone for two years, locked away like an animal and barred from the world outside. I lived in a reality of sorts, don�t get me wrong, but prison-- is its own dimension. Days were long and nights were hell, but I survived. I focused on perfecting my body and the sight of Mia�s smile when I�d see her again. I thought of Vince and the days back in the sandlot. --Anything to get my mind as far away from my body as it could possibly go. And then there were the times that I would see her eyes before me� Always burning into my retinas and scalding me with their intensity. Those eyes haunted me. They dared me to give to up. And in the dare was the fight for endurance. The dark lingering gaze would then leave me and beckon me to follow �showing me the road leading home.

Two years passed and it was time to finally take the invitation. V picked me up and we embraced. Not the manly thing I know� but it was not a time for men. It was a time for brothers and the essence that had driven them since childhood.

That has remained the longest ride of my life to this day. Maybe it�ll change someday, I don�t know. I just know that everything seemed to be riding on my shoulders. I was scared. Scared of what? Of Mia� the garage� the house, I was scared of it all. And then we were pull�in into the drive and there was Mia. She had grown in the time between and she was more beautiful than I had ever known was able. I pulled her into my arms and I breathed in the scent of home. She was still my butterscotch.

We ate dinner that night �the three of us sitt�in round the table pass�in jokes and talk�in lame. It was halfway thru dinner when the doorbell rang. Mia excused herself and went to the front door. From the kitchen I heard muffled words and then the door creaked shut. Mia came back into the kitchen and just behind her was the most stunning female I had ever laid my eyes on. I looked up the legs and around the ass and up to the amazingly fresh tits and then my breath caught-- Those eyes were the exact ones that had haunted my dreams-- my cell� for the last two years.

"Letty??" I croaked and then seemingly recovered.

"Wuz up Dom?" She replied as more of a statement than a question.

She seemed completely unaffected by me and I was dumb founded. Here was Christmas dinner on a platter before me and I knew not how to reach.

However, that sure in the hell didn�t last long. In merely days, we were spending each little solitary moment together. Sometimes just work�in in the garage, and other times�mak�in out in the front seat of my ride or in the hallway, or any fuck�in place where we could hold our own. I left my mark on her tender throat where all could see.

Fuck with my grl and I�ll rip your ass--

Letty�s skin tastes unique in no flavor that I can describe. And her hair is like dark silk wrapped in cords between my roughened fingers. She is like nothing and everything in the same instant.

Those first few tastes were utterly intoxicating and I became a druggie following my drug dealer wherever necessary. Thinking back now-- Bob Dylan�s Tambourine Man comes to mind.

I remember too, one of the most important nights of my life. The first time I claimed her--

Letty was like an apple tree just ripe for the pick�in, but never touched-- I had waited some time and not because I wasn�t sure or that she wasn�t�it had just seemed right. My heart kept tell�in me to enjoy the ride and it would happen when meant and so I had ignored my body and its lust. And in doing so� I was blessed with the greatest gift of all.

She was all soft that night. No harshness in the innocence that was. And in her innocence I saw absolute trust. I strove to be the guide and found that she was guiding me. It was I that was afraid maybe even more than her. I wanted her to feel what I felt and to realize that I no longer wanted to fight her energy, but that I wanted to embrace it and to soak in its warmth. I made love to Letty that night�

--I made love for the very first time in my life�

This wasn�t a fling with some ho or a one night stand. --This was life and the woman I intended to spend my days with. And so I took her in my arms and laid her in my bed, and I undressed her as though she were the finest porcelain doll and then when I had removed the last stitch of clothing-- I fuck�in hit rock bottom. Hell-- my dreams hadn�t even been that good.

Letty was perfection. Well, maybe not quite, but in my book�a ten times ten. I leaned over to kiss her and got a breath away from her sweet lips, my cool metallic chain brushing over her dusky tips, when I felt her breath hiss and heard her slight protest�

"Na ahh�ahh ahh ahh"

If you can imagine a pointed finger like a teacher gives when a child has been naughty, then you can imagine the twitch that action caused my dick. And so wanting to please my teacher I gave her not an apple�but one hell of a dress down. I slid my wife beater slowly up my torso giving her good time to see the muscles ripple under my taught skin. After that I slid my slacks down and stood in my boxers. She laughed then-- I had forgotten� Mia hadn�t done the wash in a few days and I�d been about out of clean boxers and so had grabbed the only pair left, which just happened to be the pair with Winnie the Pooh and Eeyore on them. They had been a gag gift from V for Christmas. And hey-- I wasn�t about to say anything, but I�d always thought that Eeyore character was kinda cool.

"What you laugh�in at grl?" I asked Letty.

And she had just burst into more laughter covering her mouth and trying to remain in some semblance of sanity. I took open opportunity then and grabbed her in her distraction and begun tickling the hell outta her. We ended up a tangled mass amongst the middle of the sheets and our breathing had long since fallen ragged. I took in her pink rosy cheeks and rising mounds. Then I tilted her head for a quick roughened kiss and continued my journey downwards leaving a wet trail along the column of her neck. My destination awaited me. I brought my hand to her left and felt her breast swell in my palm as she moaned and pushed upwards. Needing no further invitation I had moved towards her and pressed the flat of my tongue against one tiny bud and began to swirl my tongue lavishly around its tightening base. I drew it in deeper and bit down slightly when I heard her moan approaching. She pulled me up to her face then and we engaged in a battle of the most intense, passionate war.

Moments later, breaking the kiss, Letty stated, "I want to see you Dom."

I knew without a doubt what she meant and so I stood then and glanced at her only to find her propped up on her elbows with such an intent and eager look on her face. I smiled-- proud of my fearless Letty. And so came off the Winnie the Pooh boxers and my straining erection was let into the world proud, free, and painfully erect.

I heard it before I saw her face--

"Jesus Dom!! What you been feed�in that thing! Hell�and you mean to put that monster inta me? I think I just might have to rethink this�." Her voice trailed off .

I looked at her then and saw the tiniest hint of a smile and� the tiniest hint of fear hidden beyond the fire of those eyes. She hadn�t meant what she had said in truth, but maybe it had showed her uneasiness towards the unknown in a small part.

I made sure to grab a condom from the dresser before I headed back towards the bed and then crawled back up there with her. Not wanting any tenseness between us I asked her to roll over. I started our own tradition that night by relieving her body of her coiling tension thru the work of a heated massage. My hands were everywhere working knots out of her tight body. I skimmed over every plane that I could and Thank God I felt her begin to relax within mere moments --cause my resistance was waning rather quickly at that point. I turned her body then and watched her eyes close as I resumed the gentle massage. As my hands brushed southwards, her eyes began to flicker and opened altogether when my thumb and forefinger parted her folds and began their inspection.

She stared at me in utter shock for only a brief second and then smiled and lay her head back down. I found her opening and ran my finger along the edge slowly --just deep enough to pick up a tad of her nectar in order to seduce her clit. I then moved my hand back up and thru her folds searching for the key to the greatest ride ever made. I hit the jackpot-- I found her center and began to drive her to weakness. I ran my digits over and over her until she shook with unexpected emotion and when the last few jolts had begun to awaken� I moved my hand from my path and I replaced it with my mouth. She lurched up then and cried out my name.

After she had come, I waited for her to return to me and gazed upon her sweaty face. She was so beautiful. In all the world I had never beheld a sight as broad and vivid as her entire being. She turned to me then and smiled a cat�s grin, and said�

"You up for round two?"

"Sure am baby�sure am" I replied.

I pushed my self down her length yet again and this time I decided to test her waters. It was sink or swim. I slid a finger in and stroked her insides with some pressure and she began to move a bit around me. And so wanting to test her further I slid another finger in. It fit, but she was mighty damn tight and when I pressed downwards she flinched and withdrew slightly. I figured then that she was gonna be some tight no matter what and so I moved right along.

I sat back on my heels, reached for the briefly discarded condom packet, and opened it and had prepared to roll it on when Letty�s hands stilled mine. She took the condom from me then and preceded to do the job for me. That done, she laid back down and waited for my instruction. I lowered myself atop her and positioned myself at her entrance. I nudged my head into just the opening and began to push slowly into her slick heat. I all to soon came to her one true source of resistance and felt her muscles again grow tense on me. I gently but firmly grasped her face in my palm and looked straight into her suddenly fearful eyes.

"It�s gonna be fine Letty. Listen to me�it�ll hurt for but a few seconds and then it�ll fade. Don�t move around and it�ll pass quicker. You got me baby?" I stated.

She shook her head in complete faith and I brought my mouth down upon hers conveying all that she was and is to me. I kissed her our last kiss before our completion and then�I drove straight home with one powerful unfaltering stroke.

She bit down on her bottom lip and tears were sliding down the sides of her rosy cheeks, but she didn�t make a sound. I caught her gaze and moved my hand to brush away her tears. --And then I kissed her again, feeling somewhat guilty that I was in Heaven fully immersed in her tight sheath, while she was in Hell. She felt so right in that moment. So good and so real. I wanted nothing more than to be within her for eternity. She began to kiss me back hungrily and I knew that the pain was close to gone-- so I moved then pulling slightly out and pushing forward. She tensed for only a second and then she began to catch the rhythm right along with me.

We danced that night. We tangoed and we leapt, and we circled �round fire. We continued on stroke after stroke and beat after beat. And soon enough, I found myself reaching that precipice. She was lagging behind though and I refused to leave her there and so I reached my fingers between our bodies and once again began to work her center with my fingers. It didn�t take long before she was crawling those last few ledges right alongside me. And then�fireworks exploded grander than the 4th of July and tidal wave upon tidal wave washed over our tangled union.

I felt her in those moments. I don�t know how to explain it except it was the closest I could ever imagine to stepping inside someone�s soul. I was right there in the center of her universe and it was simply because of the fact that it was were she held me. I learned that night that Letty defined herself by me. Everything that I was� she was.

The two of us, we simply belong together. We are the rainbow� every color, every ray of light meeting and instead of ending on its own, melding into the creation of a whole. We are Unity.

--After that night, the bond that held us grew to be unbreakable and life was better than ever before.

Next came Leon and Jesse. The two appeared out of nowhere on what seemed to be an unusual wave of heat. We pulled in the rope that they fiercely tugged., and so they became friends and more so family.

--Life was Good--

We worked hard in the garage, we raced and won, we had backyard barbecues, and we fuck�in enjoyed life to the fullest. And then times fell again. Money was getting tight. I thought all was lost and then came the plan. It started out as somewhat of a joke, but as time and finances dwindled, it became more and more of a reality.

The first job was tricky and hard in the preparation, but the more we did it� the easier it got until it was almost second nature. We each learned how to separate the criminal within us from the person that existed within the world. It was all I could do at times just to stay above that sanity line. Ya know, the one thing I�ve learned from my life is that just when the coast looks clear-- the clouds roll in�

Clouds aka Brian O�Conner-- He rolled in unexpected and uninvited, but unloading any matter. And truth is� I like him. I may not like what he did. Fuck-- he put my family at risk�. but he also saved that family�s ass. He traded in one family for another and in the end lost everything worth a damn.

Its been one of the hardest times this last go round. I almost lost my best friend. Vince almost didn�t make it, but then in true coyote fashion-- he pulled right thru the tip of the iceberg. He ended up getting off due to a string on O�Conner�s part, and after spending time in the hospital, he met us here in Mexico. He�s resting up now and growing stronger with every day. His arm�s not what it used to be, but I have a feeling that it won�t get him down.

Jesse�. Oh God� Jesse. He was just a kid. Just a kid with a whole life ahead of him and now it�s gone. It�s gone for ever and it�s never coming back. I was supposed to protect him and I failed. I failed GOD DAMMIT!! Why God?? Why did he have to die? Why not me? I am the strong one. I am the one who bad things happen too, it wasn�t supposed to be him. He was gonna live life and build cars. He was so smart. Sometimes people didn�t see it because they were to damn blind to the fact that beyond the white trash image laid a real human being, but it was there. He was my chance, my goodness in life. And now, he�s gone just like the wind that falls on the soft desert sands� He�s gone�

Mia and Leon walk as if lost in their own stupor. They act in an attitude of everything is okay when obviously it�s not. But I don�t question it for now because-- I just have too much on my mind to even think about it. And so I forget that Mia cries Brian�s name in her sleep and I forget that Leon wakes up in a cold sweat every night hurting for the boy who was his brother. I forget it all because the center of my universe is drifting�

My Letty-- my little Letty, who you�d think by looking at her is tough as nails, is trapped by her own demons. She is lost and I can�t find the way thru the forests. It�s too dark and the vines wrap around my arms and legs and bind me down every time I reach out. I am lost too. Because I am her and she is me�I am lost in a world void of light.

I don�t know what to do anymore. DO YOU HEAR ME GOD??? I FUCKING DON�T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!

I�.

I--

Oh God�hold me God. Please don�t let me go. I need you right now. I need your presence to guide me back to some semblance of order�.

I feel a warm glow start to grow against my skin and I can�t help but turn into its touch. And then I hear the faint sound of humming. I look up and what I see amazes me as much as shocks me�

"Mama?" I state, "Mama is it really you?"

She looks at me with eyes that smile brightly and I am mesmerized by her tranquillity.. Her hand reaches out tentatively and encircles my wrist. She pulls me close and holds me�and I begin to weep. All hopelessness drains and pools amongst our feet gently flowing away. And all to soon she is releasing me and drifting back. I stare at her begging her not to go, but she looks at me and her eyes tell me that it is gonna be okay. I know that she has to go and so I pick up my hand in one last farewell and watch as the light fades into a fine mist and all that was left of the event is a salty sweet wind and the uttered breathless word along its planes�

"Dominic�"

I am back. I am standing out behind the garage and I can�t recall if that happened. Was that real? What the-- I shake my head and look skywards. All is pale and warm and fair. The day is good and I feel a renewed sense of belonging. And then� a warm breeze caresses my skin and I can smell Jasmine and Lavender in its wake

Ya know�I think today is the perfect day. Its time to get back up and to get back to business. There are cars waiting to be fixed and there are races waiting to be won. It�s time I work on fix�in things for Mia too. Maybe a call or two� --Get V back into shape and see Leon smile. And Letty� it�s time to call home to Unity.

Tomorrow is a new day� a better day. A day for all possibilities and ya know-- I�m a man up for the challenge and I�m heading straight for the finish line�

--End--