Title: When the Road Beckons-- Letty's Journal, the Birth(follows Pt8 )

Author: Chesarae

Rating: NC-17 Overall, this Pt PG-13

Email: [email protected]

Category: Dom/Letty

Summary: My take on the what could have happened after the events of TFATF.

Archive: Just ask

Feedback: Feed Me!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own or claim rights to any of the characters or settings of TFATF. I only enjoy them...

Well Journal, I�m back again. This time my entry is possibly the most profound, the most adventurous of my life�

Yesterday I gave birth to my very own little baby girl. I really, truly have no words to express my utter amazement. I mean, here I sit write�in in this book of my heart, and yet I am expressing and not expressing how I feel in the same instant. It�s like�life is suddenly this open book yet to be written. I feel like I have this clean slate with which to draw upon and I am so lost, but so filled with hope at the same time.

I am a MOTHER. I will now and forever be a mother. I hold in my hands the life of a perfect, beautiful being. I hold so much in these unsteady hands of mine and I know-- nothing�

I feel as though a light has fallen upon my shoulders and I am blessed. I am blessed with the bliss of the future and the knowing that I have an un-trodden path ahead of me. I�ve always heard that the roads we take lead us home and now I know it to be true.

I guess, Journal, you are wondering about that wonderful new life? Well, what do I have to say�

Daytona Madison Rodriguez came into the world at 8:50 am Tuesday morning, July 25th, 2002. She weighed a whole 7 lbs and 18 ozs and was 19 inches long. She had the cutest darn clump of dark brown hair, and her little toes and fingers�they just amazed me to no end. But-- what really got me, way down in the pit of my stomach, was when she opened those big beautiful eyes to me�.

Her eyes opened and looked at me for the very first time and I saw myself there. I saw trust and wonder and love all balled into one-- staring right into my soul. --I saw something that I can�t quite put into words�

--And so here I am just lost in these new emotions and just so full of lust for living.

Also though, there is that� that which I knew would come-- the guilt� the total heart-wrenching anguish. All this that I feel-- I have stolen from Dom. I took away his chance to see his 1st born come into the world. Even more, I took away the knowledge of just simply knowing he has a child.

But at the same time-- I didn�t know what else to do? I mean, what-- what was I supposed to do? I was afraid, so afraid of his reaction. But I knew in my heart that nothing could ever turn him against me. Nothing-- except this�

Will he be able to forgive me? Will he ever? Oh God, what have I done? I�ve gone and really messed things up haven�t I?

I�m gonna lose him. I don�t wanna lose him God. I don�t�. I can�t tell him, maybe not ever. They say what you don�t know won�t hurt you� Maybe it�s true�

But then-- I�d never see him again. My fear is just talking out my ass here. I have only to overcome my fear and all will be right. It can be right�

I am gonna make it right and when I do�Dom will be waiting�

...Waiting for me�