Title: When the Road Beckons�Letty�s Journal Entry
Author: Chesarae
Email: [email protected]
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Letty�s thoughts on the whole situation
Archive: Just ask
Disclaimer: I don�t own any of the characters of TFATF�I lust enjoy them. Feedback: Feed Me!!
May 12th, 2002
Well Journal?? What should I write-- Ash thinks that writing about everything might help me figure things out. I�m not so sure about it, but�.. at this point�I�m will�in to try just �bout anything.
I�ve really messed it up this time� eh? I mean�what have I done?? I left. I left right in the middle of a mess. Of course, I didn�t really know that I was pregnant when I left�but still-- Dom is so gonna hold this against me. I know him�and I know he will. No matter what, he is gonna be madder than all hell. I am lucky because I also know that he loves me. --That fact alone will keep me safe. He will have a hard time trusting me again, but he will work thru it. Dom could never completely turn his back on me --Never-- That�s just how he is.
Dom has this sense of responsibility that is just -�enormous-- He takes everything so seriously. It�s like�.. he loves us all so much and he thinks that he has to be this big bad protector guy. Sometimes it�s just to much for him-- I wish he would realize that we all love him just the way he is and I wish that he would relax a bit. If he could see how easy it is to just be--
God?? Does he even know how much I love him? He has to know� right?? It�s like I�ve been in love with him ever since I can remember�. That first time I laid eyes on him-- It was definitely love at first sight� I�ll say�
He was work�in with his dad and I was watch�in from behind an old tree. At first I had just been drawn in by the genuine warmth of the act of father and son working together, but then as I had caught sight of Dom� I had been drawn to him. He had been just 16 or so, but even then he was enormous in size. You could tell that he was gonna be a sight to be held one day� Muscles had rippled smoothly under tan arms and I, at only 11, had gone completely mushy. And then, when he had turned around and my gaze had locked onto that of those utterly expressive deep chocolate orbs�� I had been lost. That was the day I became doomed-- doomed to love no one but him. No matter how I�ve tried, I have yet to this day been able to even pass a thought of another man.
Yeah-- I�ve appreciated the beauty of others. Like that Guy� Jacob Stone� mmm hmmm�. Met him at a party one night after a race. He was one HELL of a man. He had these deep, deep sea green eyes that just sparkled when they looked into you. Those eyes could drill holes in a woman�s heart�. He�d had golden brown hair that fell in soft waves and muscles that curved in all the right places --BUT-- he just hadn�t been Dom.
Even Ash is hella fine. That man has more grace and beauty than most can even hope to achieve. I respect him� A lot ya know?? I mean� he has done so much for me. I feel like for once I have met a human being that is like what� 99% perfect?? He is what I wish humans could be.
But again�lets get realistic here. This is the real world where Shit DOES happen�. And here is where I am. I am pregnant. Man�it is truly sink�in in. It isn�t the greatest time for it to be happen�in, but in a way�. I am so happy. I feel like for once I�ve done something right. I�ve gone and played a key part in life. I am gonna be a mom. I am gonna help bring another life into this crazy mixed up world-- and that in itself�just completely amazes me. I mean I have a child growing inside of me right now and-- I have no idea what the road ahead holds� It is so completely terrifying and so breathtakingly beautiful in the same instant that it is just beyond me�
I have only to thankyou God� because no matter what is gonna happen�. You have given me the best gift of all. I love U God. I luv it all�� And U know what the weirdest thing is?? In like ten seconds when I am done write�in this --All these thoughts will be like -�forgotten-- I will once again be at a loss and be terrified of the choices to make. I will still ponder the road ahead with many worries, but also�. I will be a little less scarred-- �Cause I know that no matter what�. I am not alone. I got people who love me. Vince, Ash, Leon�.. the rest of the Team�and even Dom is out there somewhere loving me with all his heart. I know I�ll be with them again�Just not yet�. I just need a little time--
Wow, I am feel�in some better! Remind me to tell Ash thanks for his wonderful idea. Right now I gotta go search for someth�in goood to eat�.. maybe fish on rye with extra mustard and big juicy slices of pickle� and maybe some of that Vanilla ice cream Ash brought home�. Well Journal�catch ya L8R if ya know what I mean�
--Letty