From Dan Patrick's "Outtakes"--

Patrick's interview with David Cone.

Dan Patrick: What is in your pocket right now?
David Cone: (Fumbling around.) Ummmm, nothing, unfortunately. Damn it! (laughs.) Actually, I'm naked. (laughs.) But I have the room key in the crack of my ass.(laughs.) Don't know if you can print that.
DP: Oh yeah, we can.
DC: OK.
DP: If I only had some video of this.

DP: What does it take to understand the media?
DC: You just can't take yourself too seriously. But that's too serious of an answer.

DP: Is there one thing about the media that bothers you?
DC: Yeah. When I first walk in the clubhouse, they can't even wait until I get dressed. They want to do interviews when you're half naked. At least they could let you get dressed.

DP: You like the Weather Channel?
DC: Yes I do.
DP: Why?
DC: I like the music. Outstanding collaboration. (laughs.)
DP: Doesn't Yanni do that soundtrack?
DC: Sometimes. I like Yanni. They mix it up though.
DP: A little Zamfir?
DC: Yeah. They get some Yanni going and some soft jazz.

DP: Greg Maddux says the sound of a home run is 2 cars crashing. How would you describe it?
DC: Like dropping a stack of dishes.
DP: Do you know the sound, though. as soon as you throw it?
DC: Yeah. You know the sound.
DP: Do you cringe?
DC: And you snap your head back. And maybe it's instinctual, for whatever reason, you know it's gone but you still snap your head back to watch it as if there is a chance it might stay in.
DP: That's for effect, for TV. To make it seems like, "Oh, did he get all of that?"
DC: Mark Gubicza had it down. He'd just put his head down. He knew right away. The best I've ever seen. He'd give up a home run and immediately his dauber was down. He didn't even watch it.

DP: Have you ever had a great conversation on the mound? The catcher is trying to make you laugh. Or it has nothing to do w/ baseball.
DC: None that are G-rated.
DP: Oh really?
DC: Girardi will come up w/ some things that will break the tension now and then.
DP: Give me an example. I'm not out there. And I just can't take your word, as a journalist.
DC: (laughs.) One time Girardi came out to the mound and said, "Look over at the dugout. Don Zimmer's going to moon you." That's the best line I ever heard. The bases were loaded and I couldn't throw a strike. (laughs.)
DP: Do you remember who this was against?
DC: I think it was against Seattle. He knew I was flustered and he came out and dropped that line on me.
DP: Just out of curiousity, do you find yourself checking out Don Zimmer when he's naked?
DC: Well, I have noticed.
DP: One day you will be that age and gravity will take over.
DC: This is true. This is true.
DP: Give me your favorite Don Zimmer story or line.
DC: He had a great one the other day. This is fresh. We called a team meeting and he broke it up. He said, " You players want a team meeting, go rent a ballroom. Don't do it in here." (laughs.)

DP: Is there any baseball advice that can be found in Chicken Soup for the Soul?
DC: Oh yes. W/o a doubt.
DP: Like?
DC: Well, less is more. Especially when you are pitching. A lot of times the problem is you are trying too hard. It's the Maddux theory. Take a little off and let them get themselves out. There are a lot of themes like that throughout the book. That's too serious. I can't think of anything funny for that one.

DP: Can you explain the whole next-batter-gets-hit-after-the-guy-homers thing? I still don't understand that.
DC: Never understood that. Don't understand that one. And would never do it.

DP: David Wells. What is the one thing you miss most about him?
DC: Watching the sun come up w/ him. That's the thing...That's the worst and best thing about him not being here.
DP: David does not get cheated in life, does he?
DC: No, he does not get cheated. He is living a full life.

DP: Do you have an interest in seeing the Phantom Menace?
DC: Not desperately. But I probably will see it. It's not on top of my list.
DP: Last movie you saw.
DC: Saving Private Ryan. But you really don't want to know the last movie I saw. It was one of those Spectravision movies in my room. (laughs.) They claim the title won't appear on your bill. So I can't remember what the name was.
DP: But you have worried about the title appearing on your bill?
DC: Well, not really. Once you get a bad rep, you can't shake it. So what's the matter?

DP: Do chicks dig the long ball?
DC: Most definitely. Chicks do dig the long ball.
DP: They don't dig striking out the guy who can hit the long ball?
DC: They are not digging the ground balls. (laughs.) Managers dig the ground balls. Umpires dig ground balls and 2 hour games. Chicks don't dig that.

DP: Mark Grace says that pitchers aren't athletes.
DC: Well, there is some truth to that. But try getting drunk 4 nights a week and going out there to pitch 9 innings. That's an athlete to me. (laughs.) Actually, I disagree w/ him.

DP: Give me a show that people would be surprised you watch.
DC: That would be (long pause) maybe "Geraldo Rivera." At night.
DP: On what CNBC?
DC: Especially during the whole $exgate thing. Every night. Love that stuff.
DP: It was the same stuff every night.
DC: But i could identify w/ it.
DP: You can? W/ $exgate? Is there anything that goes on in the bullpen that we are not supposed to know about?
DC: Now, now.

DP: If Paul O'Neill was your son and he threw 1 of his temper tantrums, what would you do as a parent?
DC: I'd slap him silly. (laughs.) I would just slap him silly.
DP: Would you give him a time-out?
DC: No time-out. I don't believe in that time-out. My dad used to tell me to go get the stick. Choose. Your choice of weapons. Do you want the stick?
DP: I'm worried about Paul though.
DC: The other night he had a tantrum and he came in and looked lik he was in the movie Scanners. His head was going to explode. He was beet red. And you thought his head was going to explode.
DP: Doesn't he see himself on TV?
DC: I think he does. But right after the game he's fine. And he's the most mild-mannered, good-humored guy you could meet. Until the game starts. For 3 hours he's Scanners.
DP: And you stay away from him. B/c it's guilt by association.
DC: You can't talk to him. You can't say anything to him when he is in that mode. You can talk to him later. We get all over him, joking all the time. He takes it very well.

DP: Do you have a secret desire to hug George Steinbrenner?
DC: No. A handshake is fine.

DP: Do you watch baseball? IF you are not playing, do you care about baseball?
DC: Yes, very much. I want to know what Maddux is doing to get those guys out. I want to know all the secrets, all the tricks.
DP: What can you pick up from watching a game?
DC: Style. Strategy. Patterns. Watch Greg Maddux's pattern. How he gets out lefties.
DP: Best pitcher of this era. Would he be among 3 guys you would say defined your era's starting pitching?
DC: Certainly. Clemens and Maddux have defined our era, I believe. And Randy Johnson is right behind them and still going.

DP: And when was the last time somebody joked about hitting a home run off you?
DC: Actually, it happened the other night. I gave up one to Mike Stanley that was kind of a Fenway Parker, barely got out. He was joking w/ me that the wind blew it out. As former teammates, it's a little easier.
DP: But you weren't laughing?
DC: Sort of. It was the day after. I wasn't laughing that night. After a few beers, I was laughing. (laughs.)

DP: Do you have an expression for a home run?
DC: I have a few, but...
DP: You can give them to me.
DC: "Here's the pitch and....you can grab your ankles!" (laughs.)

DP: Mike Piazza says you have to squat at parties to survery the scene.
DC: You have to squat? That's interesting.
DP: Any tips from the pitcher's standpoint? From your bachelor days.
DC: Bar tend. That's the place to be. Behind the bar or near the women's rest room. Just hanging out by the wall.

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