Brunfelsia
The low lighting and sneering faces of Wagner, Bach, and Zacara create an ominous atmosphere. Brahms can feel the sweat trickling down his temple. He plays the 10 of diamonds and watches the trick lose to Wagner's king.
Wagner: HAAHAHAHAH - Another failing trick! Can't you count? Did I not open with 1 heart promising a 5-card major and at least 10 points? Did I not bid 3 diamonds on the second round! Have I not played in succession: the 7 of spades, the Ace of hearts, the queen of hearts, the 9 of diamonds - (stands in his excitement) - where did you THINK the king of diamonds was?! With JS who bid 2 clubs? Can't you COUNT? Who else would have it?!! WHY, DIAMONDS WAS MY SUIT, FOOL!!! (Brahms watches in horror as Wagner gradually morphs into the king of diamonds, red robes and all) And now having lost the round, the GAME, YOUR GLORY -- THE ONLY HONORABLE REMAINING COURSE OF ACTION IS TO ACCEPT THE EXECUTION THAT AWAITS YOU! (slowly pulls out from under the table a large, heavy axe...)
Brahms: UAGH- (sits up in bed, sweating, horrified) ...... (looks around: it's pitch black. From some other bunk bed, Schumann whispers)
Schumann: Is it the possums, Hannes?
Brahms: No.... Richard with an axe...stupid dream. (listens, there is still the sound of regular breathing, so .. must be aslep still. He looks at clock: 4:30) Whatever, I'm getting up. (rolls out of bed, fumbles about in dark trying to get dressed)
Schumann: There's no honor lost in losing to Johann Sebastian.
Brahms: Maybe I just need a day job.. (exit)
Midday: Hildegard heads into the kitchen, hand to head.
Hildegard: God, it's so outrageously hot today: perfect migraine weather.. I had to come inside! (gets glass of ice water; Ives is at the table, still wearing the neck brace)
Ives: Heat too much for your sensitive feminine biological makeup?
Hildegard: Don't even speak to me, Charles Ives. I don't see you sitting out there.
Ives: I'm supposed to be on bed rest; it's enough that I'm at the table.
Hildegard: You should definitely go back to bed, in that case!
Ives: When are we rehearsing my scene?
Hildegard: Oh, yes. I have to call Mrs. Hickman to ask if her grandchildren would like to be part of the play. I think the audiences would enjoy that.
Ives: Those little demons? Sure! They'd be great to have in the scene... (pauses) What would we be doing?
Hildegard: Uh...You'd be the inter-act entertainment, singing a song..
Ives: That's a grand idea!
Hildegard: I'm glad you approve, now get some rest.
(enter Strozzi, exit Ives)
Strozzi: Ah, it's too hot to compose. My brain is fried. (enter Mozart)
Mozart: Hi Ladies. (looks through refrigerator) Do you suppose Robert's pineapple is up for grabs?
Hildegard: I have no clue, Wolfgang.
Mozart: (takes it out) I see no warning label on it. (takes it to counter, begins cutting) So you know, we should have a cookout today.
Hildegard: Are you insane? It'll be 95 degrees by dinner time!
Mozart: Ok, maybe a cook-in? Lets use the basement! In any case, we need housemate bonding time, wouldn't you agree, Hildegard? Everyone's grumpy in this hot weather - today I asked Hannes if he wanted to play cards, and he nearly punched me!
Strozzi: hahah - they lost the bridge game, that's why!
Hildegard: God help us, what'd they do that for?! Now we'll have Richard bragging all day long.
Mozart: So clearly we need a good team activity that's NOT cards. I propose Twister!
Strozzi: Oh you would, you imp. (he grins) How about something like Trivial Pursuit?
Mozart: What - you don't want to play Twister with poor Wolfgang? (pouts)
Strozzi: I'm kind of dating Gustav, you know!
Mozart: Woooooooooooooeeeeeeeee is me - ohhh, if only you were a mezzo, it wouldn't bother me so much!
Hildegard: Anyway! Trivial Pursuit is a good idea. It would better accommodate all the housemates.
Mozart: Great, Hildegard can organize it! (munches on pineapple, offers her the cutting board full of chunks)
Hildegard: Why do I have to arrange everything?
Mozart: Because you're The Great Organizer! She of the Level Head! The Unmoved Mover of Workless Bohemians!
Hildegard(sighs): I'll see if I can recruit the guys..
Cut to basement, evening. The housemates are gathered with various snacks and drinks; they have even brought another sofa down for the occasion. Hildegard is announcing..
Hildegard: All right, everyone's here, right? Amazing!
Beethoven: Robert...
Hildegard: Oh, is he out with Clara again?
Brahms(grumbles): Yes... bodes ill..
Hildegard: He should bring her along to play next time. Just as you should bring your mysterious female admirer home sometime before the apocalypse, Ludwig..
(Beethoven is completely taken by surprise; the others laugh at his shocked expression.)
Tchaik: Yes, yes, when do we get to meet her? It is a her, isn't it?
Beethoven: Yes.....!
Hildegard: Anyway, I think we need team captains. I nominate Antonio... (they turn to him, he shrugs) and..... PYOTR.
Tchaik: What?? Oh all right, well in that case, I pick Barbara to be on my team. I'm sure she's full of random trivia.
Strozzi: Ok but it's not the sort of thing they ask in this game.
Mozart: After all, it is G-rated.. (he winks at her)
Zacara: Allllll right.. Let's see... Trivial Pursuit... I'm thinking J.S.
Bach: The breakfast shift must stick together (sits next to him on the sofa)
Tchaik: Ok, Modest.
Muss(surprised): oh whaddyawant me onyour teamfor?
Tchaik: You watch a lot of Jeopardy. Get over here. (points at couch; Muss dutifully joins him)
Zacara: Ok. Johannes.
Brahms: What?
Zacara: Yeah you like to play stupid, but we know better.
Brahms(grumbles): do we?...after last night...
Tchaik: Hildegard.
Zacara: Charrrrllieeee..
Ives: Glad to know someone's got his head on straight.
Mozart: heh, you know that's kind of funny coming from the man with the neck brace!
Ives: Just shut it, Wolfgang.
(Brahms and Bach exchange a glance as Ives joins them. Tchaik considers the remaining housemates: Beethoven, Liszt, Wagner, and Mozart.)
Tchaik: Ok, Franz, you're cosmopolitan..
Zacara: Ludwig! (sits on floor at end of couch)
Tchaik: Uhm.... (watches Wagner, who has an expectant look; and Mozart, who is tying his shoelaces) Ok, Richard.
Wagner: Saving the best for last, I see.
Zacara: Great, we get Wolfy! What a way to round out the team.
Mozart(springs into life) OHHHHHH YEA THEY BE GOIN DOWWWWNN! (high fives everyone on the team as he finds a seat on the floor next to Beethoven)
Soon the game is underway and Tchaik's team has control of the board. They have gone back and forth around the blue pie square for about 4 turns without landing on it. Ives is currently reading a question from the History category:
Ives: These questions are too easy... " What woman was arrested for voting in the 1872 election for U.S. president?"
Tchaik: Uh..
Hildegard&Wagner: Susan B. Anthony!
Ives: yeah, roll 'em..
Wagner: Ok, we require a 4. (rolls a 4.) Excellent. Our first pie attempt is in Geography.
Ives: "What three European countries start with the letter A?"
Half the team: Austria! .....
Strozzi: Albania..
Liszt(frowns): Is that still a country?
Strozzi: I think so.. It was when this game was made at any rate.
Hildegard: What's the third?
Tchaik: It's one of those small, unimportant things near France.
Muss: Angola.
Hildegard: Stop drinking.
Muss: I meant Andorra.
Hildegard: Oh.. that could be it.
Wagner: Indeed, it is! We submit our final answer: Austria, Albania, Andorra.
Ives: yeah, that's right... roll again.
Brahms(to Zacara): When is it our turn?
Zacara: Don't worry, they'll run the board and not be able to get the final sports question we pick out for them. Then they'll have to spend another 20 minutes trying to get back into the middle so we can ask them another sports question that they won't get. See, we've got the sports thing covered - we have Charlie Ives on our team. (beams) I'd like to take personal credit for that.
Brahms: Ah! You are wise...
Zacara: hey, they don't pay me for nothing! I mean, aside from the composing, that is.
Brahms: Oh yeah, you also outsource string quartets...
The game continues; the teams are pretty evenly matched, though Mussorgsky seems to be the secret weapon, since he is becoming more lucid as he drinks.
Bach(reading): Ok... "What were the names of the 3 Cartwright sons?"
Tchaik(groans): These obscure questions!
Muss(finishes swig of vodka): whoare adam hossand joe?
Bach(looks up, brow furrowed): How does he know this stuff?
Muss: id like historyfor 300alex
Mozart: aahahahh - he thinks he's on Jeopardy!
Hildegard: uh, Modest, you don't have to answer in the form of a question..
Muss: quiet ithelpsme think
Hildegard(puts her hands to her head): God help us
Bach: You don't need any help from God!
Brahms(takes box of questions suddenly): Give me that.
Wagner: You cannot PICK questions, are you aware!?
Brahms: Roll The Die.
Wagner(insulted, tosses die): 5. Let us have a question from the Science and Nature category.
Brahms: Ok.... "How many days does a cat usualy spend in heat?"
Wagner(as if this is the definitive answer): Five.
(Tchaik looks at Liszt, who just shrugs)
Brahms: Uh... I'm not asking how you know that, Richard..
Wagner: Why should I not? I am an animal-lover.
Mozart(sprays beer everywhere): AHHAHAHAHAHHA!!! (everyone else is laughing too hard to complain; Bach goes to the wet bar to fetch paper towels)
Wagner(smirks): Not in that sense, you deranged, small-minded fools. (rolls again) 2. On to the sports pie!
Brahms: Ok. (pulls out a card): "What two players lead the National League in stolen bases every year from 1981-1990?"
Ives: Ohhhh for God's sake!
Zacara: ooh, good one!
Tchaik: I hate sports!
Wagner: Seconded..
(Strozzi shrugs to Hildegard, who looks at Muss. He is deep in thought)
Muss: awwwwwwwwwww oneofems tim raines..
Ives: (opens mouth, closes it again)
Muss(a good 15 seconds pass): ahh crap idontremember
Brahms: You guys give up?
Wagner: No need for gloating, foul fiend.
Liszt: Isn't that a bit ironic coming from you, Richard?
Wagner: Sometimes one must take pains to remind his opponent why engaging in intellectual battle is a useless and time-wasting endeavour so as to prevent further useless and time-wasting--
Brahms: --DO you people have an answer?!!
Mozart: You guys just need to have a fist fight and get it over with!!
Muss: I DONT KNOW!!!
Brahms Tim Raines and Vince Coleman
Muss: yea gettin old.... (shakes head)
Liszt: It's ok, Modest, we still love you
More time passes, but Hildegard is getting increasingly frustrated with the bickering between teams, not to mention Mussorgsky's continual drinking. Mozart has brought in a plastic SuperBowl kids pool filled with beer bottles; this has greatly raised the belligerence factor. Zacara's team is now making a long run - montage of them answering various questions:
Strozzi: "What is the only domesticated animal not mentioned in the Bible?"
Bach: Cat.
Mozart: really?
Bach: Yep.
--
Hildegard: "What founding father was knocked unconscious while trying to electrocute a turkey?"
Mozart: AHAHAHAHAH!
Zacara: hahahaha! (they toast with their beer bottles)
Ives: Ben Franklin - who else?!
Mozart: Oh man, Hannes, can we electrocute a turkey?
Brahms: Only if it knocks you unconscious, Wolfy...
----
Tchaik: Ok, "What boxing promoter was indicted for filing a false insurance claim with Lloyds of London?"
Ives: Don King. Sports pie for us!
Zacara: See? This is why we keep you around, Charles..
Ives: I'll be here all week..
---
Wagner: And now your Science and Nature question: "How many named constellations are there?"
Mozart: Ok, last time we do a science and nature question instead of arts and entertainment!
Beethoven(from side of couch): I think it's 88.
Bach: Uh, actually, Ludwig, I think that's the number of keys on the piano.
Beethoven: Smartass
Bach: hahah - are you sure it's 88?
Zacara: hey, sounds good to me.
Wagner(smirks in distaste): Of course the mighty genius is correct. Does he not spend enough time with his eye directed towards the firmament? Roll again...
---
Hildegard: "What country has more volcanoes than any other?"
Beethoven: uh... something mountainous... in the East.. ?
Ives: This is all you guys..
Zacara: HMMMM... pass me the beer, Wolfy (Mozart grabs him another)
Bach: What like.... somewhere near Tibet?
Brahms: no, something with islands.. like Indonesia
Zacara: ooh, I like that. Yeah, why not Indonesia? (the others are quiet)
Mozart: Great! Indonesia it is!
Hildegard(smirks at Brahms): nice guess
--
Strozzi: Ok, Arts and Entertainment... "What model appeared topless on the cover of self-penned 1993 novel Pirate?" (she smiles at the answer)
Mozart: topless babes? WHERE?!
Beethoven(quietly, from floor beside couch): It didn't say it was a "babe," did it?
Ives: Well who else would be dumb enough to do that?
Hildegard(scowling): Mr. Ives, there are plenty of stupid things you male morons do, including exhibitionism.. Don't even start your misogynist nonsense when I have a splitting headache..
Zacara: yeah, I bet it's a trick question..So what male author would it be??
Mozart: Had to be FABIO, dahhhling!!
Zacara: Oh yeah, of course! (they high-five)
Strozzi: I have to admit, I am impressed with the all-male team for getting that correct.
Brahms: And we even did it through teamwork! Who knew we were capable...?
Bach: Let's drink to that! (they toast with their beer bottles)
Brahms: Shouldn't we also be beating our chests and making Tarzan noises?
Hildegard: Rgg... (stands imperiously) I feel a migraine coming on - (to team) carry on without me, you'll be fine.. (exit)
(Hildegard is gone for a good 15 minutes when Strozzi decides to check on her)
Muss: yougointoo?
Strozzi: She might want something if she has a migraine. you know how she has visions.. I'll see.. (exit)
Upstairs, Hildegard is in her bedroom, lights off, sprawled on a bottom bunk, hand to forehead, snood off for once.
Hildegard: Ugh....
Strozzi: Hildegard? (enters cautiously)
Hildegard: Hi....
Strozzi: How's your headache?
Hildegard: too much testosterone in one room.. it's not getting much better..I think its getting worse..
Strozzi: I know, I even have a headache myself. So loud.. Can I get you anything?
Hildegard: Tea.. with herbs
Strozzi: Sure, what kind?
Hildegard: oh, something with salicylic acid...Willowbark .... in mauve cannister.. let it steep for 5 minutes.. is relaxing..
Strozzi: Ok, maybe I'll have some too.
Hildegard: ok.. (Exit Strozzi)
Strozzi is just putting on the tea water when the doorbell rings. She is surprised to find Mahler at the door.
Mahler: Hi Barbara.
Strozzi: Gustav! You have free time all of a sudden - what is this?
Mahler: rehearsal was a disaster - Frieda lost her voice! So I sent everyone home early... and.. was wondering if you would like to get some cappuccino and dessert somewhere..?
Strozzi(grins): Ah, you think I have nothing better to do than wait for you to cancel your rehearsals? Think I'm going to drop everything and come out with you? (leans closer to him)
Mahler(leans back coyly): Oh, I understand if you're busy. I can wait..
Strozzi: mm dessert... Oh give me 5 minutes. (closes door; runs to basement) Guys! (they look over) I need someone to take Hildegard her tea; I'm going out for a bit...
Tchaik: I'll do it
Liszt: We can't lose anymore people on this team!
Wagner: Yes, we can..
Mozart: Oh, I think Charles should do it and apologize into the bargain! (everyone laughs and claps)
Ives: No! She wouldn't let me in.
Strozzi: That's a good idea - Hannes, you do it!
Brahms: ME?!
Strozzi: Yes, you're not as obnoxious as Charles, but it will be good that one of the 'male morons' serves her tea. Besides, if you can handle Robert, you can handle Hildegard with a migraine.
Brahms(grumbles, but gets up anyway): yeah, yeah, live sacrifice...
Ives: All right, let's get this show on the road! No more interruptions!
(tea kettle whistles; Strozzi runs up, Brahms follows)
Brahms: Ok, guys, if I'm not back in 5 minutes, send a search party.
Kitchen: Strozzi moves the kettle, gets out two mugs.
Strozzi: Ok, Hannes. Hildegard said you need the, uh.. what was it? I don't remember the name, but it was from the mauve cannister. let it steep for 5 minutes. I should get going
Brahms: Where are you going?
Strozzi: Gustav stopped by. We're getting coffee and dessert! (exit)
Brahms: (frowns, turns to pantry, looks at top shelf, which is covered in cannisters, a wide array of colors and shades; he is awed at the choices ) This could be Wagner's underwear drawer... crap...
Downstairs:
Ives: "What was the first organ successfully transplanted from a cadaver to a live person?"
Muss(drunkenly sprawled on couch, one arm around Tchaik's shoulders, vodka bottle in other hand): whatis kidney
Wagner: That's my answer.
Liszt: Sounds good to me.
Muss: historyfor500alex
Tchaik: No, Modest, it's time for the final pie! Now we just have to get to the middle...
Muss: shouldbehistory
Zacara: AH hahahah! You'll never succeed, dear friends... You have no sports specialist on your team, and we are not far behind..
Liszt(staring at him): So..... it's true. you don't work for the mafia... You're a mob BOSS, aren't you?
Zacara(laughs): Hey, hey - don't ask me about my business..!!
Brahms meanwhile has picked out three cannisters which he thinks could be considered "mauve." They are of the pink variety and might better be described as "dark pink," "neon pink," and "magenta."
Brahms: uh.... I guess ths is mauve. (picks the magenta) "Brunfelsia"... ok..(he opens the cannister and is surprised to find it is loose leaf - the sweet aroma nearly knocks him over) oh god! - egh, that's strong.. I swear half this stuff is illegal. Hallucinogenic garden vines...How do I steep this? (looks about in cabinets for strainer) Hildegard..!! I hate tea....
Meanwhile:
Bach: "Where do 'bluebirds fly,' acording to a song in The Wizard of Oz?"
Muss: quee quelque partau-dessus del arcenciel!
Beethoven(as if they are privy to a special event): He's really wasted now! He only talks French if he's drunk.
Bach: You can't answer in FRENCH!
Liszt: What is Somewhere over the rainbow! I mean -- ahem, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"?
Tchaik: Good job, Modest, can you, uh, lean on someone else for a bit? Much as I like vodka, I'd rather drink it than... inhale it ..
Muss:ohyea (pulls arm out from around Tchaik, switches bottle to that hand, throws other arm around Wagner, leans to his left)
Wagner: Excuse me! I am no inebriated Russian's ARM REST!
Liszt: haahaha - I don't think I've ever seen Modest this drunk before! (rolls die) ok... 3. Damn, missed by one - where should we go, guys?
Muss: l'histoire!
Tchaik: arts and entertainment!
Wagner: arts and entertainment!
Muss: l'histoirejedit!
Liszt: Ok, Arts and Entertainment..
Zacara: "What 1961 movie sees Audrey Hepburn say, 'Personally I think it's a bit tacky to wear diamonds before I'm 40'?"
Liszt,Wagner,Tchaik(immediately): BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S!
Muss(simultaneously) petitd�jeunerchez tiffany!!
Zacara: yea that was an easy one
Tchaik: I love that movie!
Muss: yea....
Wagner: Verily!
Mozart: ahahah we're such artistes!
Meanwhile Brahms takes the two tea mugs up to Hildegard. As he approaches, he hears her talking through the door.
Hildegard: Ah, look at the pretty golden elephants.. sashaaame theyre always hunted for their tusks... ughhh - with awful sharp spears.. NOT THE ELEPHANTS LORRRDDD!!!!! the BLOOD-- RED--
Brahms(slowly cracks open door): uh... Hildegard?
Hildegard: THE LIGHT!!! GOLDDDD JESUS ARE YOU WITH ME?!
Brahms(steps inside, closes door): shh - its gone... (blinks in the moonlight)
Hildegard: ugh.. ok... so are the elephants... what strange visions.. (removes hands from face) You're not Barbara..you have a different aura.. gold.. no... (squints) darker
Brahms: .... right, well. Barbara had to go. I brought your tea.
Hildegard(wide eyed): sulphur..you are ill at ease - have the tea!
Brahms(pulls a chair to the bedside): Here. (hands her a mug; she holds it, looks at him, head titled slightly at an angle)
Hildegard: why are you here?
Brahms: Barbara had to go, I tell you. She sent me instead. I'm supposed to apologize for being a jackass, as usual, so. .. uh.. I apologize for being a jackass
Hildegard: .... as usual
Brahms: yeah
Hildegard: I'll drink to that (they toast with their mugs, take big swigs)
Back to the basement, little later:
Zacara: CENTER TILE! Let's go!
Tchaik: Give em sports, Franz!
Ives: BRING IT!!
Liszt: Ok.. let's pick a good one..(pulls out a card, smiles): Ok, "Who was the first female jockey to win five races in one day at a New York race track??"
Ives: uh...... oh God, what was her name??
Beethoven: Come on, Charles, this is what we keep you around for...
Mozart: Uhm. did she have a weird name, or a normal name?
Ives: Shut up, you're not helping... it was... uh..... oh Christ... JULIE - something -- (looks expectantly at team members) Julie? anyone?
Zacara: You're on your own for this..
Ives: DAMN women jockeys- what the hell do I know --!
Muss: hahahservesimright - wheres hildegardshedappreciateit?
Hildegard and Brahms are having a lively (if inane) conversation, the tea having cheered them both.
Hildegard: Goats are historically the animals of the devil, though I was considering snakes for a time..
Brahms: No, goats eat more, so that'd be more fun than snakes. Snakes already have a bad reputation anyway..I mean, how would you walk around in snake costumes? Logistically speaking-
Hildegard: --yeah, goats are much better-
Brahms: Definitely.
Hildegard(conversationally, holds up mug) Does this taste like brunfelsia to you?
Brahms: uh.. yeah?
Hildegard: ahh ok, good its not just me then.. (pause) wait... it's not actually brunfelsia, is it??
Brahms: yeah.... that was the name, I think.. the mauve container?
Hildegard(laughs hard): AHAHAHHH -- Ohhhh god, it hurts to laghahahah (hands to head, continues laughing)
Brahms(amused, but puts down mug): What -? is this a disaster??
Hildegard: ahahah you wouldnt know mauve if it spat in your eye would you?? hahah brunfelsia was the magenta..
ahahahhah (tries to take breath, keeps laughing) no wonder.. no wonder we're so jolly hahah--
Brahms: So.. is that why my face is tingling? (rubs cheek) what the hell kind of drug are we on?? hahahah
Hildegard: its hallucinogenic... hahahah im surprised the elephants arent back...
Brahms(looks around room): Nope, Idont see anything unusual...currently..
Hildegard: except the big gold elephant in the corner.. hahahhaaaahh (finishes drink, drops mug)
Brahms: hahah you should drink this more often, youre a lot more likable on it!
Hildegard: oh i bet (suddenly sits up, grabs him by the hair and falls back with him in tow) because, ahahah, you stupid ass, its an aphrodisiac too
Brahms: ohhh, that explai--
Hildegard: --shut up (kisses him)
Meanwhile on the town... Mahler and Strozzi walk hand-in-hand into the German bakery The Red Hedgehog.
Mahler: Ah, I like the table in the corner.
Strozzi: Nice low lighting..
(at the counter, Strozzi is surprised to hear a familiar voice)
Schumann: Hark! What unexpected breeze doth unite two such distanced parties! (Strozzi and Mahler turn around to find Schumann and Clara Wieck in line behind them.)
Strozzi: Hey Robert! Hi Clara, are you two also out for dessert?
Clara: Yes, we tried that new restaurant on fourth, but we didn't like it.
Schumann: Nothing like the German spirit to soothe one's soul. How goes it?
Strozzi: You guys just missed quite the game of Trivial Pursuit.
Schumann: Ah yes, but who need spare the investment capital of an overidle mind when the youth of the nation already rise in our stead? (turns to Mahler) How grow the begonias?
Mahler: I hope they won't be too upset by the heat these days. Would you two like to join us?
Clara: Sure, that'd be lovely..
Back in the basement 20 minutes later; Tchaik's team has made it to the middle. Again.
Zacara: ANOTHER SPORTS QUESTION.. You guys LIKE this pain, don't you??
Tchaik: You know, one of these days I'll tell you ALL ABOUT S&M, Antonio, but for the time being - this is not it!! now shut up the read the damned question! (his team applauds)
Zacara: ahahah, here we go(takes swig of beer): "What school gained more yards and scored more points than any team in Southeastern Conference history in 1995?"
Muss: uhhhhh
Wagner: What is this continual tortured questioning about football, that most neanderthalish of all human activities?! WHY--
Liszt: Guys, just pick a college in the southeast that plays football.
(pause)
Wagner: Florida.
Liszt: Fine - Florida!
Zacara: ... is that your final answer?
Tchaik: Yes!
Zacara: DAMN!
Muss: WEDIDIT!
Wagner(raises arms in triumph; Muss topples into Tchaik who hugs him and Liszt): AH SWEET VICTORY IS OURS!!
Zacara: Damn!
Bach: Damn indeed! What a woeful defeat is ours! We should have had that last history question!
Ives: Let's blame it on Johannes. Where was he for that?
Mozart: Yeah where thehell IS Hannes? Weren't we supposed to send out a search party, like, a half hour ago??
Zacara: Ah, youre right, Hildegard's probably brained him to death with her chakra stones!
Liszt: Well, a little death would probably do him good...
(Mozart guffaws; Beethoven snorts)
Ives: What! Death doesn't come in increments, you know!
(Everyone joins in the laughter)
Mozart: Seriously.. hahah -I should go investigate.... with my camcorder! Mwahahah (runs for stairs gleefully)
Tchaik: Don't think you'll be so lucky, Wolfy!!
Mozart: Whatever, I CAN HOPE, CANT I? (exit)
Of course by the time Mozart gets the camcorder and gets upstairs, he finds nothing. Hildegard seems to be in the bathroom. No sign of Brahms.
Mozart(to camcorder): Ah, what a lark. They were right, of course, in my heart of hearts, I knew it was too good to be true..
Four hours later. Cut to aerial shot of backyard, the dogloo lit up by the bright moonlight. Suddenly Beethoven's stentorian voice rings out, waking up neighbors, scaring young children in their beds..
Beethoven: YOU DID WHAT?!!!!